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I'm done waiting for the chance to finish those things. i'll finish them whenever i want too razz they're almost done anywas......and well most of what's left I have no issue conviently not having time to put up lol
anyways, i just found something out random logging into gaia like 30 seconds ago. I have to one of two things in order to type. one, be able to hear the click of the keys. or two, hit the keys hard enough to feel them hit the bottom of the keyboard. lol why i hit keys so hard. i almost always have headphones on xd and no, looking doesn't help. i just tried xd
-ahem- randomness aside, yesterday, no day before, logan called. two minutes in he's like, you okay? you seem different.
i told him no just because i didn't feel like trying to explain, but i just found it sad tht the man i havn't talked to for nearly 3 months knew something was different in tow minutes and my own family has no bloody clue. oh well. what can i really expect of them?
what's different? hmm......a change of kings. lol lame. but yeah that's what's different. If you watch Bleach.......if not, well. -sigh- fine, a change in personalities. it's kinda weird being the same, but not and knowing it =.= also frustrating.
i love korn x3 lol sorry, korn song came on.
-sigh-
ugh. what a shitty as weekend. hell, shitty a** month. and last month. shitty a** damn decade.
ok calmed down. i forgot what's it's like to be a bloody grenade with it's pin pulled.
.......
did i really just use that analogy? wow. true though. slightest provacation and i lose it. this king ain't been on the throne since......sheesh, since before we left England. since right after that b*****d-
anyways. -cough cough- ninja
i love getting to talk to amin nosse......but damn it twists the knife. Quiting DS didn't help at all. AND THIS IS WHY I DON'T LISTEN TO YOU!! bloody idiot. can't do anything useful. i always ignore for this very reason!!!
calm. calm. calm. in public. no talking to yourself. people will start to think you're not antisocial, but a sociopath. lol.
ya know xeno and heather like, hang out? or logan has a fiance? i didn't. i don't know anything anymore. no one really talks to me, and when they do, i don't get told anything. I think that part is worst of all. knowing that the people that are your whole world don't feel comfortable telling you things that happen around them. treat you like a friend of a friend that you're nice to because you share a friend, not because you like them.
it's been over a year now. only a year? i'll be two soon since i joined gaia. how can a two years seem to be one long month and two different centuries at the same time? I really wish my brain came with any kind of chronometer. things would make more sense. the few times i gave a s**t enough to want them too anyways.
just gets worse. when i get it under control, it slams back even worse than before. it's so hard not to lose it around people. two nights ago, right after logan called, i lost it. but i was in the bahroom with nothing but cement and steel to beat. thankfully.
on the bright side, i definitly have the full range of m emotion back biggrin
small consolation -.- they still all hurt, they still all make me wanna throw up if they get anything more than mild, and are still a general pain in the a**.
-sigh- (lol yet again) everything i want i can't have. well i can, i'm just far to afraid of getting it to try. lol natural ability for misery.
gods. these glasses are pissing me off. i keep seeing stuff in my periphial vision and it scares the hell outta me. wish i could find my rimless.....
debating whether or not to cover old stuff i havn't put in here, o jut forget about it. i'll just put down what bugs me. well not bugs me, just, i keep thinking about it. that being that i've given up. given up the whole 'loving people' thing. i can't stop loving someone....so i'll have to live with that, and i can't stop myelf from loving someone (stars know i tried and failed terribly) but i'm not going to look for it, try, or propogate it at all. screw it all. another thing i did (came with the crown apprently) is drop everyone down to the same level. lol talking abou my castle diagram. everyone got knocked out of the castle. almost. a couple people managed to get suck in he gatehouse. but yeah. all gone.
i've come to terms with being a monster. ok not really, just this personality is a real monster, so doesn't care, or notice much. so i'm okay with it. like, not loathing myself for it. i'm still distguted. lol i am still me after all, just different attitude >.>
s**t. i just remembered i forgot to post in invictus yesterday. the only rp that's almost always slow enough for me to keep posting in xd really should quit the other guilds......i think i might.
 BSPBleach · Wed Jun 13, 2012 @ 06:28pm · 0 Comments |
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