Sitting in the car on the way to France now. Though I believe us already there. Sitting talking to myself of the true differences between a vampire and werewolf not able to recall how I got there. Of course I did as soon as I stopped trying. Otaku. Long ago (to me at least a decade though I know it to be scarcely a year) I had an argument with someone. He was trying to convince me the severity of the insult it held and how one wouldn't admit to being one. I in turn tried to convince him I understood the insult and even if I did not face and hold my flaws and evils proudly to myself as me, I couldn't take personnal affront to any insult laid to me. For that I would require some shred of honour and dignity. So wearying to hold on to the shreds I'm not even sure I really have. Maybe. Not now. Hmmm......what was I thinking? My thoughts are as evaisive as crawdads. lol. long time since i fished. or farmed. or done anything in contact with the Earth. Sad. But something to fret over later mmm? For now I must focus. I don't like to go over it again, but it's the first time I've truely confronted my obsession and I wish not to forget. The pain makes it hard. Both my true pain, and those that aren't mine. With nothing to ease the throbbing, it hurts everything else and demands my mind and my floating(?) Ah but enough bitching from me. I am not do new to pain and reliant on mens chemicals that I'll be left handicapped. My addiction. My health hazarding obsession. My definition of 'otaku' is oddly amusing. Morbid humour I'm in. Pain. It sounds do simple at first, but really it is such a broad concept I cannot attempt to explain. I needn't. Mine is a very....specific type of pain. If I that hackles they'd be bristling. I have confronted this, not accepted it. My self-inflicted, often agonizing, torture leaves no marks. It's a mental suffering my gullable mind do easily renders me. I forget now how I had so easily explained it. I promise to think on it while they drag me in to eat. Sigh. Definitly sick. But at least I got a Maxi Kinder Egg to show of it. I've allowed myself an indulgence of pretending it was real. It course there was a load of adjectives before indulgence, none of them remotely savage, let alone nice, that I skipped over for various reasons and that I been but half of what I cling to, I'm sure I'd have been shamed it distgusted. Ah but I nearly forgot what I was thinking on to skip ahead to monsters. No. Turns must be honoured no? Heh, nearly again forgot my thoughts to think on the courts of Lol that my.....nature, would so flourish in. It shouldn't be do hard to focus on a single thought, bitter it may be, long enough to write it down. Should it? Hmm......no I'm sure not. Back to the point eh?
 BSPBleach · Tue May 08, 2012 @ 09:04pm · 0 Comments |
