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I don't even know why this turned out how it has...

It seems that, of late, people have been expecting me to love them when all they do is drown me in return.

Normally I try to love unconditionally and without bias.

Similar to a common house pet; Everyone else before myself.

How is it that when I do such things, I find myself surrounded by people who deem it fit to take advantage of that?

I would think it respectful to consider at least compassion to one who shows love.

No I just want them to let me live peacefully instead of disrupting me.

I know that I've disappointed you.

I've been disappointing everything and everyone for the entirety of my existence.

So I put on a smile and walk away.

Everything's alright.
I'm still a perfect little angel.
I'm still the good girl.

But this gets extremely tiring.

Especially when one has been doing this for 19 years.

What if I just stopped?

I wouldn't have to be spectacular or perfect,
I wouldn't have to be the actor I put on the stage of life everyday,
I could shed my costume and make-up and show off all the visible and invisible scars I have
and be loved for those,
not for someone you'd want me to be.


And if I hate your guts,

don’t call me heartless

because you have no clue how my heart works:

it’s the most amazing, and well oiled machine out there.

I guess that's thanks to my need for acceptance, and your tendency to repel.

At this moment, it may not have enough strength to give a damn about you.

so...

what if I care about the air you breathe and you stop breathing?

[What am I supposed do?

Do you really expect me to save you?

How can you tie me up so easily and watch me swim
with my arms,
with my legs,
with my soul
bound?

I would have thought that when the
next
sick
game

rolled around

you’d end your taunting,

your demonic daunting,

and leave me to my home in the ground.