Christmas 2010 was my first attempt at really participating in an Event Forum, and, like most of my Event Topics, went largely unseen. rofl
But that being said, I had an absolutely amazing time writing little poems to go along with the daily updates to the Event, and to this date, the Event remains the most engaging Event of them all! heart
So without further ado, I present....
The Seven Perils of Santa Claus
T'was a week before Christmas
And at the North Pole
That Jolly Elf, Santa
Was on quite a roll
His satellite dish had been firmly secured
To the roof of his workshop and the forecast assured.
He'd also repaired his broken lawn-mower
Which worked very nicely as a makeshift snow-blower.
And with two of his chores stricken off of his list,
Santa turned his attention to something he'd missed.
Seems the leaves from his trees had clogged up his gutters
So he fetched his old ladder and his elves poor hearts fluttered.
Turkey whispered to Nippers, "This is getting quite scary!"
"If Santa should fall, Christmas won't be so merry."
"We can't risk the old guy taking a header...
He should stick to delivery. That would be better."
And Nippers agreed that, although he was tryin,
These chores would be better completed by Gaians.
So off to the Forums the sprightly elves flew
To round up recrewts, just a thousand or two
Who'd do Santa's chores. A most noble cause.
"Come on Gaians! Step up and help Save Santa Claus!"
Five days til Christmas
And things looked much brighter
The Gaian's assistance made Santa's load lighter.
And now that his workshop was spruced up and spiffy
Santa said to his elves, "I'll be back in a jiffy!"
"This hustle and bustle has left me quite hollow"
Turkey thought to herself, "I'd better just follow"
"With Mrs. Claus out, he'll be left on his own"
Then she heard Santa mutter, "The dang fuse must have blown!"
"I can't let all this food just rot and be wasted"
"There's some shellfish back there that have yet to be tasted!"
"What's the worst that could happen? Some mild indigestion?"
"All those Best Before dates, must be surely suggestion."
Then he opened a big jar that Turkey found troubling.
She thought to herself "Should Mayo be bubbling?"
"I'd better fetch Nipper. He's a bit of a grump."
"But he's trained in the use of that old stomach pump"
Then she raced from the kitchen in search of assistance
All the time marveling at Santa's persistence.
"You'd think at his age he'd be more self reliant"
"Instead he's the hospital's number one client!"
So once more she called out, what was Turkey's new mantra
"Oh people of Gaia, please help us save Santa!"
Four days til Christmas; you'd think it'd be easy.
That Santa'd be resting, and still a bit queasy
But it seems rancid mayo and gastric pollution
Are simply no match for his Elf constitution
And once again Santa's his old cheery self
Hell bent on helping, (and killing himself).
Now to Turkey's dismay, and Nipper's vexation
Santa's chore for the day looks like self-immolation
"I've got to be dreaming" poor Turkey exclaimed
"He'll get himself killed, or horribly maimed!"
The sight of the gas can and flickering candles
Were simply too much for the poor elf to handle
She pictured flames licking at Santa's bright garments
And reached for her bottle of fire retardant
Nipper's thought to himself, "He must have a death wish"
"Or maybe his brain's in a Zurg Petri Dish"
"But whether he's brain dead, or just suicidal"
"There's no way the two of us can simply stand idle."
So as Santa approached an unpleasant demise
His elves sprung into action and all heard their cries
"We need every Gaian from Nome to Atlanta"
"Bring fire extinguishers! Help us save Santa!"
Three days til Christmas.
Fatigue's setting in.
And Turkey is starting to doubt they can win.
For even though Christmas was in just three days,
Santa was back to his scatter-brained ways.
His stomach still rumbling,
His beard badly singed
She watched Santa working
And poor Turkey cringed.
"You'd think all these mishaps would teach him a lesson"
"But his narrow escapes clearly made no impression"
For out on the front porch, happily rocking
The elf saw a vision that got her knees knocking.
Seems Santa'd decided he needed protection
And pulled an old shotgun out of his collection
And now there he sat, the stock tween his knees
It's hair trigger twitched in the cool morning breeze.
He held the gun firmly and peered down the barrels
While off in the distance, elves sang Christmas Carols
Then time seemed to dilate, to Turkey's perception
She watched in slow motion, this frightful inspection.
Then a gasp from behind snapped her out of her trance
"My God! What's he doing?!? He hasn't a chance!"
Nippers erupted "Don't just stand there staring!"
"We've got to save Santa!" (The rest was just swearing.)
Two Days til Christmas.
One more crisis averted.
And Santa's attention,
Had been finally diverted.
Still Turkey could not shake an uneasy feeling
As she stood on the porch, buckshot still in the ceiling.
Nippers grumbled beside her, "This keeps up, I'm retiring"
"I've heard through the grapevine that Jack Frost is hiring"
Then they noticed steam pouring from the bathroom window
They looked at each other, and quietly tiptoed
And what they beheld, made poor Turkey turn green
It's said that some sights cannot be un-seen.
Through the clouds of grey vapour, wrinkled, pruney and pale,
They saw what they thought was a Beluga Whale
Then they cleaned off the window and looked a bit closer
And saw it was Santa; and ...My Gosh! A Toaster!
Glowing, and toasting, and perched on the tub
While Santa was cheerfully having a scrub
And thoroughly cleaning in "personal" places
The two elves both shuddered and covered their faces.
"Now that's the last straw! It's way past my limit!"
"I'm not going in there to rescue that dimwit"
And Nippers stomped off leaving Turkey alone
Is this curtains for Santa? Has his luck finally flown?
Tomorrow was Christmas.
And Santa was dead.
The guilt rested heavily on Nippers head.
For while what they had seen, had left both elves revolted
Turkey had stepped up... and Nippers had bolted.
The strength of poor Turkey had not been enough
To rescue Old Santa as he bathed in the buff
When toaster hit water the two of them fried
And along with the two of them, Christmas had died.
Tomorrow was Christmas
Nippers bolted upright.
His sheets bathed in sweat, heart racing with fright.
His horrible nightmare had made him awaken.
And deep in his soul, poor Nippers was shaken.
Yet within the fog of his nightmare's despair
He felt new resolve to make everything square.
"This is bigger than I am. More than one single elf."
"Tomorrow is Christmas! I can't think of myself."
He showered and shaved. Donned his Elf Uniform.
And despite the cold weather, in his heart he felt warm.
Then set off to find Turkey and make his amends.
Determined to help out his closest of friends.
He found Turkey standing, in the Sword Room's big door.
Beyond her small figure, Santa slid cross the floor.
As if skating on ice, his countenance beaming.
While suspended above him, grim death waited gleaming.
Scimitars, Cutlasses, Shurikens, Daggers.
The surfeit of slashing tools made the mind stagger.
Yet armed with the memory of his nightmare last night
Nippers sprung into action with no hint of fright.
He stood in the path where the Big Guy careened
Between swords and Santa, the elf intervened.
"Santa, time's growing short and you've much to prepare"
"Let us clean this room for you. You've got no time to spare"
And where Santa might normally put up a fuss
Nippers tone was compelling, with no hint of a cuss.
"Why certainly Nippers. I just wasn't thinking"
And he left the room humming, the sword blades still clinking.
Then he walked up to Turkey, feeling small and contrite.
Said, "I'm terribly sorry for what happened last night"
"You'll never find yourself abandoned again."
"Can you ever forgive me, my dearest of friends?"
Turkey stood silent, tears in her eyes glistening
And said not a word, wholly focused on listening
Then after a moment that seemed without end
She hugged him and whispered "Merry Christmas, my friend
Twas Christmas Morn, and none too soon.
And Santa'd once more raced the moon.
Around the the world at break-neck pace.
Proud satisfaction lit his face.
He "Ho Ho Ho'd", oblivious
To all the stress he'd caused for us.
But Elves and Gaians all agreed
That it was worth it. Yes indeed.
For as the winter sun did rise
Around the globe the happy cries
Of every little girl and boy
Bore testament to Christmas Joy
A joy that we in Gaia share
From knowing that we all were there
To help in Santa's time of need
Eschewing avarice and greed
So, Thank you Gaians, Mods and Devs
And thanks especially, two small elves
You've made a Christmas to remember.
God Bless and see you next December! heart
T'was a week before Christmas
And at the North Pole
That Jolly Elf, Santa
Was on quite a roll
His satellite dish had been firmly secured
To the roof of his workshop and the forecast assured.
He'd also repaired his broken lawn-mower
Which worked very nicely as a makeshift snow-blower.
And with two of his chores stricken off of his list,
Santa turned his attention to something he'd missed.
Seems the leaves from his trees had clogged up his gutters
So he fetched his old ladder and his elves poor hearts fluttered.
Turkey whispered to Nippers, "This is getting quite scary!"
"If Santa should fall, Christmas won't be so merry."
"We can't risk the old guy taking a header...
He should stick to delivery. That would be better."
And Nippers agreed that, although he was tryin,
These chores would be better completed by Gaians.
So off to the Forums the sprightly elves flew
To round up recrewts, just a thousand or two
Who'd do Santa's chores. A most noble cause.
"Come on Gaians! Step up and help Save Santa Claus!"
Five days til Christmas
And things looked much brighter
The Gaian's assistance made Santa's load lighter.
And now that his workshop was spruced up and spiffy
Santa said to his elves, "I'll be back in a jiffy!"
"This hustle and bustle has left me quite hollow"
Turkey thought to herself, "I'd better just follow"
"With Mrs. Claus out, he'll be left on his own"
Then she heard Santa mutter, "The dang fuse must have blown!"
"I can't let all this food just rot and be wasted"
"There's some shellfish back there that have yet to be tasted!"
"What's the worst that could happen? Some mild indigestion?"
"All those Best Before dates, must be surely suggestion."
Then he opened a big jar that Turkey found troubling.
She thought to herself "Should Mayo be bubbling?"
"I'd better fetch Nipper. He's a bit of a grump."
"But he's trained in the use of that old stomach pump"
Then she raced from the kitchen in search of assistance
All the time marveling at Santa's persistence.
"You'd think at his age he'd be more self reliant"
"Instead he's the hospital's number one client!"
So once more she called out, what was Turkey's new mantra
"Oh people of Gaia, please help us save Santa!"
Four days til Christmas; you'd think it'd be easy.
That Santa'd be resting, and still a bit queasy
But it seems rancid mayo and gastric pollution
Are simply no match for his Elf constitution
And once again Santa's his old cheery self
Hell bent on helping, (and killing himself).
Now to Turkey's dismay, and Nipper's vexation
Santa's chore for the day looks like self-immolation
"I've got to be dreaming" poor Turkey exclaimed
"He'll get himself killed, or horribly maimed!"
The sight of the gas can and flickering candles
Were simply too much for the poor elf to handle
She pictured flames licking at Santa's bright garments
And reached for her bottle of fire retardant
Nipper's thought to himself, "He must have a death wish"
"Or maybe his brain's in a Zurg Petri Dish"
"But whether he's brain dead, or just suicidal"
"There's no way the two of us can simply stand idle."
So as Santa approached an unpleasant demise
His elves sprung into action and all heard their cries
"We need every Gaian from Nome to Atlanta"
"Bring fire extinguishers! Help us save Santa!"
Three days til Christmas.
Fatigue's setting in.
And Turkey is starting to doubt they can win.
For even though Christmas was in just three days,
Santa was back to his scatter-brained ways.
His stomach still rumbling,
His beard badly singed
She watched Santa working
And poor Turkey cringed.
"You'd think all these mishaps would teach him a lesson"
"But his narrow escapes clearly made no impression"
For out on the front porch, happily rocking
The elf saw a vision that got her knees knocking.
Seems Santa'd decided he needed protection
And pulled an old shotgun out of his collection
And now there he sat, the stock tween his knees
It's hair trigger twitched in the cool morning breeze.
He held the gun firmly and peered down the barrels
While off in the distance, elves sang Christmas Carols
Then time seemed to dilate, to Turkey's perception
She watched in slow motion, this frightful inspection.
Then a gasp from behind snapped her out of her trance
"My God! What's he doing?!? He hasn't a chance!"
Nippers erupted "Don't just stand there staring!"
"We've got to save Santa!" (The rest was just swearing.)
Two Days til Christmas.
One more crisis averted.
And Santa's attention,
Had been finally diverted.
Still Turkey could not shake an uneasy feeling
As she stood on the porch, buckshot still in the ceiling.
Nippers grumbled beside her, "This keeps up, I'm retiring"
"I've heard through the grapevine that Jack Frost is hiring"
Then they noticed steam pouring from the bathroom window
They looked at each other, and quietly tiptoed
And what they beheld, made poor Turkey turn green
It's said that some sights cannot be un-seen.
Through the clouds of grey vapour, wrinkled, pruney and pale,
They saw what they thought was a Beluga Whale
Then they cleaned off the window and looked a bit closer
And saw it was Santa; and ...My Gosh! A Toaster!
Glowing, and toasting, and perched on the tub
While Santa was cheerfully having a scrub
And thoroughly cleaning in "personal" places
The two elves both shuddered and covered their faces.
"Now that's the last straw! It's way past my limit!"
"I'm not going in there to rescue that dimwit"
And Nippers stomped off leaving Turkey alone
Is this curtains for Santa? Has his luck finally flown?
Tomorrow was Christmas.
And Santa was dead.
The guilt rested heavily on Nippers head.
For while what they had seen, had left both elves revolted
Turkey had stepped up... and Nippers had bolted.
The strength of poor Turkey had not been enough
To rescue Old Santa as he bathed in the buff
When toaster hit water the two of them fried
And along with the two of them, Christmas had died.
Tomorrow was Christmas
Nippers bolted upright.
His sheets bathed in sweat, heart racing with fright.
His horrible nightmare had made him awaken.
And deep in his soul, poor Nippers was shaken.
Yet within the fog of his nightmare's despair
He felt new resolve to make everything square.
"This is bigger than I am. More than one single elf."
"Tomorrow is Christmas! I can't think of myself."
He showered and shaved. Donned his Elf Uniform.
And despite the cold weather, in his heart he felt warm.
Then set off to find Turkey and make his amends.
Determined to help out his closest of friends.
He found Turkey standing, in the Sword Room's big door.
Beyond her small figure, Santa slid cross the floor.
As if skating on ice, his countenance beaming.
While suspended above him, grim death waited gleaming.
Scimitars, Cutlasses, Shurikens, Daggers.
The surfeit of slashing tools made the mind stagger.
Yet armed with the memory of his nightmare last night
Nippers sprung into action with no hint of fright.
He stood in the path where the Big Guy careened
Between swords and Santa, the elf intervened.
"Santa, time's growing short and you've much to prepare"
"Let us clean this room for you. You've got no time to spare"
And where Santa might normally put up a fuss
Nippers tone was compelling, with no hint of a cuss.
"Why certainly Nippers. I just wasn't thinking"
And he left the room humming, the sword blades still clinking.
Then he walked up to Turkey, feeling small and contrite.
Said, "I'm terribly sorry for what happened last night"
"You'll never find yourself abandoned again."
"Can you ever forgive me, my dearest of friends?"
Turkey stood silent, tears in her eyes glistening
And said not a word, wholly focused on listening
Then after a moment that seemed without end
She hugged him and whispered "Merry Christmas, my friend
Twas Christmas Morn, and none too soon.
And Santa'd once more raced the moon.
Around the the world at break-neck pace.
Proud satisfaction lit his face.
He "Ho Ho Ho'd", oblivious
To all the stress he'd caused for us.
But Elves and Gaians all agreed
That it was worth it. Yes indeed.
For as the winter sun did rise
Around the globe the happy cries
Of every little girl and boy
Bore testament to Christmas Joy
A joy that we in Gaia share
From knowing that we all were there
To help in Santa's time of need
Eschewing avarice and greed
So, Thank you Gaians, Mods and Devs
And thanks especially, two small elves
You've made a Christmas to remember.
God Bless and see you next December! heart
