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3-20
I think.
So much damned work. Shoveling s**t outta kids room (not a dramtization. There's throw-up, food, drinks, urine, and probably s**t. Mum said i couldn't use a shovel mad )
Also have to pull everything out of the kitchen so dude can rip up and replace our kitchen floors. But we have to do kids room first cuz their new beds are currently taking up the rest of the front room. Which means nowhere to put the fridge and chairs. -sigh- doing anything in our house is like those puzzles where you move blocks around to get the red block to the goal. Next week- maybe week after my granmother's coming to fly kids to her house so we can go. Means i have to find time to 'clean' my room. And paint the walls. And get noah's room cleaned. Aiyah. So many problems now.
Lol had to go. Aero was demanding attention. Beebomatic?? Sheesh. I still think it sounds like some porno robotic sex toy or something >.>
ANYWAYS! as i was thinking and possibly somehow getting to, i should start 1v1 rp's. I'm in a lot of group rp's, but not only do i not like them (only thing i really like is that i can interact with multiple characters which gives me more to work with.) but they also seem to go inactive. Invictus goes through periods, but once Aero joined (other people joined too, but they havnt posted in ages so they don't count) it's been a lot better. I've never considered it dead. But it's been mainly 3-5 people. Sometimes only two. And with lots of people, the rp can go on quite awhile in the few hours i leave it alone. Annoying. Especially when you finally do get on and everybody else if offline mad
Lol i think i've been reading too many 1v1's. Not only 'cuz i've decided i don't like groups, but because have you seen my posts? Probably not. But my 'short' posts are still a paragraph, even two. Part of that might be due to this journal thing. Practiced thinking and acknowledging all of my thoughts even if i don't like them. Gives me other prespectives helpful in thinking for another person.
Lol Siniathdu Nazeshikage is like my own child XD born as my second rp character, she's grown as i've grown. Kinda amusing to think back to when i first made her. But she's all grown up now crying
-ahem- ok enough crying like some mother whose kids have just left.
I bet writting that story would be good. I'd have to write it weird though. Like the book i'm reading now. No i dont remember the title. But each chapter it changes points of view with surprisingly little mention of other main characters in their chapter. It really is like reading an rp XD
But yeah i'd write it like that. Pretty much cuz that's the only way other people would get in the book. Like i've said, not good at the multiple characters thing. Made sense in my head XD
That's what i'll do!! I'll treat my story as an rp! Should make things easier. Also help me with plot. I have an idea, but i don't have all the details that make it impossible to tear away from down. You know, hints, suspense, misdirection, foreshadowing, past referrencing, comedic relief of course, side drama/story, impressions. Ugh. A lot. But that stuff makes a story awesome. Be slow work. But it'd be fun. Baby steps XD writting for my second most important character will be hard. He reminds me too much of logan >.> which is weird as i havnt 'made' him yet. Maybe it's cuz of the characters he makes.....
Meh. I'll put him off. And check him three times over. I will not let people in this story =.=
I don't know why. Just feels private. Like outside people would be an offense. Which is stupid cuz that makes me an offence >.>
gah! No one asked you!
Pah. 4am. I dont wanna sleep. Then i have to get up. Then i have to go back to the kids room x.x distgusting. Damn. How am i supposed to sleep??? Got all these things floating around and then theres flissy pouncing on everything wanting attention. Lol. Probably guilty conscience there. Havn't talked to her in a couple days and the time before then i wasn't nice. Too busy trying not to want to rip him to pieces. Oh yeah. And because i had deja vu of black friday today. At least this time the guy looked like one of his friends. Not totally random >.>
okay still totally random and uncalled for. Can't help it though! gonk
Random thought change, (no idea man) i should join the masons. There's a female version. I can join that. Lol. I can't explain myself on that. Sorry. That requires me being able to put my brliefs into words. Been trying to all night and morning now. For weeks. It's just there in the backround of my mind to put it's two cents in but like....i don't know it. Okay that confused even me.
But it reminded me that i've permanately cracked my moral compass. I should feel guilty about manipulating my mother to buy me a new brace just because i lost the one i borrowed. But i don't. Kinda hard to when the very next day she buys the brace and makes me an eye appointment (which i used to make her feel guilty. Easy to manipulate her when she's guilty). In a way i do feel bad, but only cuz i know i should. And because i don't like that i can. Can hide from people, read people, lie and manipulate them effortlessly. I hate it. Still do it to get what i want, but i hate every second of it every single minute for months. Even years. Rarely do i do it to help people. Most times i can't help that way anyways. With noah i can, but that's just where his mind is right now. Might prod him a bit about his school before i try to 'talk' to him about STEM.
i've used it on miranda a couple times. Those were only partly for me though. She asks me for advice and i dont wanna answer so i get her to answer for me. It works. And she still thinks i give awesome advice even though the only piece of advice i've given her is that she shouldn't move. Oh well. Be way to much work trying to explain to her that all of it is her doing. Not that i'd try. She likes being able to say that it was someone elses idea to push the blame on. She's growing up and learning about responsability. But to me, is only at a 8yr old level. Noah being 5. But my scale is scewed cuz i developed wrong. Lol way too fast. Not just mental. I tried to grow like a cat or dog. Start out tiny then you like look away and poof! Grown up. I tried growing up in under 10yrs. Not intentionally of course, but i've still paid for it.
Lol i have no idea when i learned respect......i've just always understood the concept. Understood who around me deserved what, and what i actully give them, what's appropiate and what's not, and when and where. noah has absolutely zero understanding of this. He understands that he is not supposed to be an equal to our parents, but that's as close as he gets. I hope shea and harry learn it. They use noah as a role-model and already shea's having issues with respect. How noah turned out the way he did is a mystery. Somehow he missed a few concepts like respect and that doomed him to being stubborn, close minded, arrogant, and trouble prone.
I've been working it since yesterday but got nothing. I can't figure out how i learned it all, let alone figure out how he missed it. Only thing i can think of that was different in the way we grew up, was me. I always vouched for him, protecting him, often doing his work for him to keep him outta trouble. Hell, i taught him to walk! I babied him when we were young. Mom babies shea and harrison and they look up to noah. That's the only thing i came up with. But i know that's not it, definitly not all of it. Course he's lazy because of that and consequences don't ever occur to him, at least not seriously so he'd think about what he does. But that doesn't have anything to do with respect.
Or maybe it does. Princes are babied by all but their parents and respect their parents and no one else. (specific example). Guess it's a possibility.
I havn't talked to heather in awhile...havn't talked to most people in awhile. Talked a bit to logan and xeno, to nyx that once, saph before her, heather and neg before that. I talk to aero a bit more often....i thought i talked to flissy more often, but i can't remember when i talked to her. She pops up so much i can't figure out when was an actual conversation not just in my head o.O
 BSPBleach · Wed Mar 21, 2012 @ 09:37am · 0 Comments |
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