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3-13
Wow it's late. And mum's trying to force me to be a lifeguard >.> blech.
Anyways, felt like ranting all day. I'm an indecisive person for a reason. Yet people force me to make decisions on the spot. I can't do that. I usually regret every single day. Or in it's case, usually every 5 minutes. Waking up thinking of one of the most painful decisions you've made and how much you regret, and always will regret that decision, is a very shitty way to wake up. (on a side note, my unconcious enjoys dreaming too much >.> )
then mum tells me from now on she's going to force me to be more....damn what's the word....
I'm going to be more aggresive and bold or something with my decisions and just go with my gut feeling.
First off, i've never had a gut feeling. Well just one.
Second, as a parent should you be encouraging your daughter to make rash split-second choices?? I am sooo saving this to use against her later when she trys to tell me my decision is wrong and i need to think it through.
Lol that b***h gonna get serious payback soon. Dose her up with her own medicine and see how she likes the taste of her insanity. 'cuz i'm pretty much done with it.
Being the introvert i am, i was self analyzing while putting packing peanuts into sacks (those bloody pieces of crap swear they can fly) and i realized why i'm so different online or around strangers than i am around my parents. It's cuz around my parents, i'm pretty much dead. A prisoner who's given up hope and accepted their fate. -sigh- which i have. I've come to accept that my mother raised, wants, expects a dead little servant girl, and nothing else. Fine. She can keep staring at Del'thu for another two years and think she's happy with that. After that, i'm free. I'm me. Not what she wants. Lol what a scary thought. I've never been me in real life....always just bending to whatever everyone needs/wants. Course i'll have to get over myself before i do anything so drastic as doing something i want to. Have way too many issues with people. Hopefully with amin nosse et mellorn, if i ever do get the chance, i won't shake like reeds in a storm. I tend to do that around people. Especially if i'm in the spotlight. I just realized something. I've never looked a waiter, clerk, register, ticket checker person, or well anyone in the eye before. I'm ******** doomed XD
How am i supposed to move out if i can't look or touch someone with recoiling like i stepped on a boa? - ugh. Guess i'll figure something out. Hopefully no one stalks criminal minds, else they might misprofile me as a sociopath or someone having a mental break. I look like them all shifty like sweatdrop
I need a bone. Or a chew toy. I already chewed through my last one.....so strung out right now. No good reason of course. Can't ever have one of those to justify something. Oh what problems that causes.
One good thing happened happened though! Emptying my first box of peanuts into their sack was super easy biggrin only easy thing to happen to me since.....hell if i know. Crap load of months, maybe years ago. If ever. 'Easy' just don't run in the blood. If something can go wrong, it does. Exaughsting.
Lol random memory. Proof my mother has hang up's she'll never admit too. So like yesterday i think it was....no day before i was helping mum make breakfast. French toast. Well when we finished we scrambled the leftover eggs and made more eggs and an omlett (yeah we ate 26 eggs. Why we buy them 58 at a time XD )
Well mum split the omlett in half and gave it to my father. my father vaccuous broad. (damn disasdociation. Makes it a killer pain to proof-read) well he gave the omlett pieces to my brothers. Instead of simply making another for herself, she throws this huge tantrum and yells at my dad and brother than storms out to her bedroom (and she dares b***h at me for not eating??) then no one would eat. After something like that, food tastes that food you stole from thieving orphans or something. Just terrible. Does she care she ruined (and has been for 9 yrs! biggrin -.-) a perfectly good day for everyone? No. She may get over it an hour the messed up b***h, but everyone feels bad about it the rest of the day.
she is such a hippocrit. And inconsiderate. And rude. And self-centered. And narcassistic. Probably an ego-maniac too.
And i don't give a s**t about that saying of how finding a flaw in ones self is worth a thousand in another. Really don't. What the hell have i been doing for years??? Pretty sure i've pointed out plenty enough flaws in myself to point flaws in other people for awhile.
Sheesh, i need to calm down. Going to bite off my nail beds again. Must. Resist. Urge.
Yup. Definitly need a chew toy. Shame sharkskin is so rough.....
It's sooo hot x.x well it's not, and shouldn't considering the windows open, the tempature outside, and what i'm wearing, but it is. Bloody roasting. I need to find my phone. No, i have no idea how i jumped from it's hot, to i need to find my phone. I never have reasons for this s**t. I need gum too. And a chew toy XD lol for several reasons now. Have to pick one up when we go to buy little CC more food. Though if she takes me to PetCo again 'cuz 'my memory is terrible, i must be mistaken', i'm going to hit something. I'm sick of everyone discounting everything i say as wrong or just completely ignoring me. My memory if ******** fantastic thank you very much, i just can't summon up whatever memory or information i want on a whim. Which the way i errode them, is for the best. Try to keep file corruption to a minimum.
Argh. Damn it. I'm not going to cry over being ignored. That's just pathetic. I should be ******** used to it by now. I'm always ignored.
-sigh- screw this.
 BSPBleach · Wed Mar 14, 2012 @ 09:13am · 0 Comments |
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