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I'm tired of getting to know you. The more I get to know, the more cautious I get... cause there are so many things that frustrate me about you, things I don't like. For instance you, like many guys I've dumped, don't seem to accept things for just the sole purpose they may have as a tool of expression. You say things like Indie music shouldn't exist. Yes, I like Indie music but even music I don't like, for instance Polka, deserves to exist. I think they all serve a purpose and even though I don't enjoy them, somewhere out there someone does. Someone may find a higher meaning or deeper reason within it. They may just like how it sounds. I don't think anyone has the right to say things like that shouldn't exist... that's like... how you made fun of my little thoughts on scars.

u__u

Even so, I find you so attractive.

Lips,
touch
brush
blend
tear KISS
tongue cheek CONSUME

(poem is meant to be artistically written in a way I cannot mimic in here)

Feh, I think if I could just kiss him I could get over him. It's not like a relationship that I want. It's just... someone warm. Something ....

I don't know...

Maybe I just want to feel that jolt of life again. It was so strong in the summer. And like the constant longing with internet dating is too much to bear. I can't stand it. I want to have something that I can drag my nails across my face from imagining. I want to get that high. Music still gets me high as a kite but... I want the hot breath between two people. I want the hands through my hair and nips on my lips. Even if it's a benefits thing... well I don't know if I could do that but maybe I could? I have no clue.

Despite being all promiscuous as I am... I've got those strong ideals of love before sex and even up until high school I wanted to be married before having sex, secretly wanting to experiment though too. I -

Did you know that we're supposed to have babies before we're thirty. ******** THIRTY MAN! That's like NINE YEARS from now. Less than that. I'm supposed to get a job and relationship by then. It's like WHOOOSH! Jen's head is spinning. I'm not ready for that kind of thing. Commitment scares the s**t outta me ! I watch shows on TV. and it's like "WOOOOAH girl.... WOOOOAH. s**t, that's scary." when people like go all "Wanna move in with me" So like... WOAH Jen cannot deal with that stuff. Not even watching as females LONG for a child. I'm just like "babe... I cannot say I feel that" I DO NOT KNOW THAT LONGING! I DO NOT HAVE THAT! Okay... to be fair, I'm only 21 and sure it might come in time but WOAH like should I be planning this s**t already?

Shouldn't I be all responsible by now?