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Dear Haiku,
I am reminded of tenderness. I am reminded of sheer compassion. For my thoughts take on a subject so unusual I chose to write in another ink.. Who, could have transformed my heart and captivated my mind so effortlessly today... ? Some kind of wonderful. This person is a constant friend, no matter where they are...where they've been, where they're going... they never forget me. Even when time and distance pushes us apart, somehow.. we find each other again.
Are you a firm believer in destiny? For me ..it is yes and no. I don't think one can live out just one destiny when there are so many chance instances that determine a person's destiny at a drop of a hat.The only common destiny we all share.. is that one day... we die. Not everyone gets to live.... but we all do die. This is not to be morbid, just stating a truth that we all have to come to accept by some degree..however... that is not the point of my entry today.
I do not think it was a mistake or coincidence that I met this person. If that were the case... we would have passed each other and went on with our lives...but somehow... they remain. Ha ha... It's so amazing.... how compassionate and thoughtful they are....how.. this person always knows how to make me feel better even when my circumstances seem so bleak. It isn't the big things that they do.. it's the small more... personal things this person shares with me that make me rejoice internally even if on the outside I want to scream.
I sometimes feel so selfish... there is something about them... they hide... they ask me always how I am... and I do the same.. but...I sometimes feel I am not doing enough for them. If only I could... get close enough... I could unlock the mystery that is their personality... there is something tugging at my heart... a sadness there that I cannot heal. They are always so cool and calm, but I know better... I know it.... I know that sadness... that lonliness... and I... wish I could....fix it for them.
Why won't they let me in? Is it such an unpleasant destination for me to go?? How can a person who paints my mine with pink carnations... a vision filled with beauty... lock themselves away like that? Where is the golden key? I feel so close to them, but at the same time... they are so far away.... I reach out for them, wanting to take their hand into mine... wanting to fill their world with hope...the hope they give to me.
My dearest friend... whereever you are now... maybe...someday you will read this journal entry and know it is you I am calling out to. Maybe you will let me in your world, even if for a moment...I just want to... give you the hope and kindness you give to me everyday.... I wouldn't meddle too much... I only want to be there for you. As my heart flutters like a pair of hummingbird wings, a warm sensation fills my chest. As I close my eyes, I see the dance of the carnation petals... hovering above me, spinning 'round and 'round...as they dance....descending further down and down... it is in this moment... I find my sanctuary...
 Aoi Utsuki · Tue Sep 13, 2011 @ 08:16pm · 1 Comments |
