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This is meant to be taken as a symbolic message of how I am doing, hope you enjoy:

I've got a crack on my windshield from an accident many months ago. I've never been a very careful driver, and I get into accidents quite frequently. No one has ever gotten hurt, save for my black baby here, but it does make me think about whether I really want to drive or not. Of course, a few days after the accident I feel like new and forget all about my second thoughts. This accident was different. Most of my accidents are simple fender benders or scratching against a rail so that the side of my car needs detailing but this accident, both of my lights were busted and the hood my car got dented so that it didn't lie flat anymore. I got the lights replaced and the scratches repainted by my normal people, whom I should know by name now but I keep forgetting. It's like I hope they'll move on without me and I won't be able to fix my baby anymore. Then I'd have an excuse to drive her around, all beaten up. Instead she's all fixed up like new after the accidents, save for that damn crack. Because the crack was thin and didn't go too far, the insisted that I not replace it.

The first week of driving, I got hit by pebbled and more small points appeared but nothing serious. The second week I really thought about whether I needed the car or not and found that I could use a little break. I put my baby in the garage for nearly two months before I took her out again. The day I took her out, I was shaking so badly. I was so nervous about getting back behind that steering wheel that I forgot all about the cracks on the windshield, no perhaps that was why I wanted the break. If the crack could grow enough while I was away, I could get it replaced and my baby would look like new again. But she wasn't better and since I didn't notice it right away, it didn't bother me. I drove for six month without it coming to mind. I was really getting the hand of the whole "safe driver" thing. I got hit by a few pebbles here and there but again, nothing too serious. I woke up three days ago and the crack on my windshield was like a pulsing vein. I couldn't fathom how it could turn into such a thing nearly overnight but it had. It changed. I've since left my baby in the garage. I can't face the people at the repair shop and I can't get behind that steering wheel.

I don't know what to do with her.

End of the stupid story. Want an explanation: it was kinda just a babble story after a little thought I had about a windshield. See when someone dear to me had broken me, I learned to live without her. I learned to stop thinking about her. I learned to pretend she would be back one day. One day. I never thought that one day would be so soon. She contacted me for the first time in nearly a year three days ago and I missed her. I missed her so much. I looked up to her and it broke me heart, as it prolly did a lot of my online friends. She writes beautifully and she's super fun to talk to. I wasn't sure I wanted to come back online and in truth it was kinda a reason why I wasn't so bothered when my parents kept me busy these past three days.

I don't want to face her and I'm scared to talk to her again. I can't say how much it hurt because it wasn't her fault and we don't know each other in real life. We're only online friends and even though that means the world to me, she's clearly better friends with other people. She's moved on to other friends. She may think I'm her friend still but it will never be in the same way. I would love to be better friends again but it seems everyone is disappointed in me and resents me. I feel like they're all moving on without me. Silabus, Rawr, Shi, and Raine.... they're all moving on and I don't have enough self power to reclaim them right now.

I need therapy.