Gah, I've been feeling really nostalgic this week. It's been everything but crazy. I've had way too much time to think. First account of this was when I stayed up all night tlaking about my childhood with my cousin, who spent most of the better times with me. That WAS crazy. We talked about all the stupid s**t he used to do to me and my younger cousin Jimmy, I remember most of it well, and remembering all this has kind of proven the old saying "ignorance is bliss" to me. Well, maybe not "ignorance" but more "innocence". We didn't know not to play in the yard and have fun, so we did. Truthfully the air was always tense around my family, but I was young, and youth changes a world of things. Now that I'm older, it all seems a world away. So many things have happened since then, my cousins have changed, I'm a completely different person than I was all those years ago. I've changed in the mere few years I've spent here on Gaia. And in some ways, it's changed me.
But in my nostalgic frenzy, I just happened to run into an old print out of my old boyfriend's Avi, from when I drew some avi art of us, and let me say, my heart sank. I seriously miss him at the moment, but i don't want him back, no regrets but the thought that i'd liked to have treated him better. But truthfully, for a second there, I wanted what we had back. Because I'm feeling nostalgic of corse. Bless his heart though, because I broke it.
I think what made me have that feeling of regret though, was, my mom was drunk, and I was in a really bitchy mood. I kind of just wanted to hold onto him, and not have to hear my mom's stupid remarks about how delicious her cooking was. When my mom's drunk, I'm always in a pissy mood, so it was driving me up a wall her trying to argue with me, while drunk. I assume that's what drunks do, argue for no good reason, and talk in an taunting tone of voice, or at least nice drunks.
She's not abusive, or anything, just annoying, and it makes me miss my sober mom.
And every time she gets drunk, I just want to run into someone's arms and know that they love me. I've been romance deprived for a while here.
my LuluXSuzu-kun and AllenXLavi doujin shounin-ai's are losing their touch.
But I've been pondering on a certain man who lives down the street from me, of whom I've secrety (kind of not secretly) have the biggest crush on. sweatdrop
you can tell towards the end of my VENT-FEST here, that I felt much better
I'M FREE!!!
w00t!
Love (would you please?),
Kai D
P.S. no revision done, so there is most likely TUCKING FYPOS!!! galore in this ^-^;
<3
Artist-Kiarimi Community Member 
|
|
