PG.33
I can't remember the laaaast time i saw that guy.I havent said his name ever since.It has been better for me that way.It was...February when me and him stopped talking..Well i dun care this time.Days have passed and this time when i say independent.I mean it.No more ''when will him and I get back together?''...or..''Maybe he'll understand and miss me''...Nu..there is no more time to be a baby..or wait around for someone already happy and not worrying about you.After all that stuff with him i stopped dating..Because all guys are pigs with things in the besides their sexualities..You could say im happy,but im not.I go to school everyday acting like im some really happy gay guy who gets along with everyone when sometimes i want to cut their heads off.All the kids at school call me Jerbear now.I guess i like that name..Im not cute and cuddly anymore..now it's just broken and guarded.I knuw for a fact though..That i can say as much as i want about not loving him..Even i knuw that's a lie..He has me wrapped around his finger only this time he Does NOT knuw it.He is over me and everything that happened.,but i guess you can say im scarred.It sucks so much because you want the person to be happy.But just not with anyone else..I sound crazy creepy right there but..whatever..it's just what the heart wants.I started stripping and bar tending to pay for my rent,and I only eat fast food.It was so bad at first ,but now it's fun as hell.All the attention.I feel like im actually worth seeing..BUUUUUT then again all those guys want is a quick ******** they want it they can come get it,but they're not gonna get anything when they come running.I am not a prostitute for santa sake (yea i said santa gotta problem?)..Tonight my boss called me and told me there are 3 guys who won some contest to have a backstage dance.What happens is they tie us up in our little sex kitten outfits and cover out eyes while the guys choose who they want as their dancer.And the bad part is that i always get chosen first because Im young and word got around that im a virgin.Oh and plus when people touch me i spazz and moan on accident..Damn these nerves...I always hated backstage dances...The men are always so close and they like to touch me.I haven't cashed my V-card in the sex register yet because im waiting for that special someone to come along and put a smile on my face.Maybe i am just stuck in fairy tales.''You're up next Jerbear'',Says the stage manager,Scott.I nodded and looked in the mirror..Behind the hair extensions,the blue eye contacts,and the eyeliner.I am just a love suck student slash puppy.I have 3 friends who i met.They get more money then me because they go those crazy sex parties just for service.They tell me i should join them and everything but i just think maybe if i keep my virginity I wont feel like trash,and i dun want to just hand it over to someone.Josh,Chris,and T.J all come backstage to say hi to me just to make sure im ok and comfortable when it comes to the backstage dances.We pray together and then we hug and go on our way.Those 3 are going to a rich sex party for some old guy and his country club friends.''Ok.they're ready Jerbear''..Scott can tell im scared.like always..''Look it'll be fine ok?.Just put on the outfit and come'' he says...He sounded like he was getting annoyed and i Needed BOTH my jobs so i just hurried up.I put on my black neko ears and the tail with a black spandex.And this black robe that is meant to hang off the shoulders,but i put it on and cover my body up like im in a boarding school.Here it goes.. another set of perverts ready to mess around with the defenseless 14 year old..
PG.34
I knuw i said all of this stuff about being shy,but dun let the shy in me fool you.I have a back bone now.''oh he's adorable'' i heard one deep voiced guy say..''Mmmmm he's mine'' I heard a very grunt voice say..like a older man kind of.''i can't believe it''...I heard a third..The...The third sounded.''Jer''.The voice says ******** D!...I mean..this is crazy how does this keep happening to me..Life was just so positive until Mr.d**k head came..Why me man?..and why does he have to see me like this? why not at the movies or some s**t...damn..damn..damn me...''oh my god..you have to be ******** me right now...really?''...After that i heard nothing.''Im buying that one''.The awkward silence was gone and i had 2 tears run down my face.damn...where is my independence..I looked down too ashamed to even show my face.I think anyone in the same position as me would feel the same...especially because it's MR.D looking at me.I hear someone walk out of the backstage.The manager Scott went to go get him.''Him with the neko costume.I want him.''.I heard the man with the muscular tone.The older man.He picked me up and swung me over his shoulders.I couldn't really speak so i just let him take me.''I heard the man take off his clothes and unzip his pants.ooooh this one is hornyyyyyyyI was so scared.''Now look kid.Just relax i've had a hard day so make this worth my time''.No sir YOU look here you old fat ******** dun give a damn what you've been through.Go find your Viagra and get out of my facethe man pulled me ontop of his bulge.I was so happy his hoo ha wasn't out.He felt my chest and i moaned alittle.''Dun touch me...'' i said going down on his bulge alittle harder.''Oh i have a feisty one do I?''.He says trailing his finger too my belly button.''Is your age making you deaf or did you just not hear me right..I said dun ******** touch me!''.I say taking off the blind fold and walking out of there.''Hey! i paid good money for you.you little slut!''.The man says yanking by the arm back so he could pull me towards him.''get the ******** off sicko!''.I say snatching my arm away.''Scott!'' I yell after kicking the guy where it hurts.''Oh nu.I am getting my money's worth'' the man says getting up.He holds my hands up against a wall and wouldn't let go.I tried yo kick but he moved.Scott came into find the man choking me.They called security and I was escorted out of the room.Everyone was looking to see what happened.his has happened to me atleast 3 times a week when it comes to these backstage dances and i still work here.I guess this is why the club gets paid alot because of the features it offers.Scott gives me my money of $230 and leads me back to the dressing room.Everyone stared at me.Once again like they do all the time as if they are sorry for me.T.J comes out of nowhere and hugs me tight.''Are you ok?'' he asks in a concerned way and rubbing my arms looking at me.I did the usual and said im fine and walked away.Whenever i say that I am fine I am obviously not.On my way back to the dressing room i took off the robe and let down my hair.and took off the boots and kept going..Left the s**t right on the floor.the only thought mostly on my mind was if it was really MR.D.I was probably just hearing things..I am the last person he wants to see anyway..When i get t my dressing room i hear all the boys in the corner reading some note out loud ''I really did miss you and i did love you.It's''.One of the boys read..when i heard that I thought something was going on.I got up and walked over there and everyone laughed and stood infront of the person with the note.''get the ******** out of my way''.I say pushing people out of my way and seeing Chris reading some note.Maybe we can ta...Oh heeeeeeey Jer!'' says Chris hiding the note with a smile on his face.''Can i have my mail back or am i going to have to hurt you..''..He handed the note over.It was from Him..MR.D.It said things about how sorry for what a jerk he was and he understood if he hated me and how we should talk sometime.Even I knuw that was a big mistake.here i am doing so good without him even though he's been on my mind like crazy.And he comes popping back into my life.Who the hell does he think i am?!.But then again who am i kidding..I knuw i wanna go talk to him..I sat down in my section in the dressing room infront of the mirror.I took out the rest of the extensions and the eye liner.I kept that on.I put the clothes in the dress box,packed my things and headed home.
PG.35
Oh my god i woke up and i noticed i had a zit...A zit...the day i was meeting MR.Hot stuff...why me..it wasn't it enough that he saw me in a strip club and now i have a zit on my forehead...damn damn damn..I ran to the bathroom searching when i noticed it was 8 in the morning and i had to be at my bar tending job at 8:30.My Bar tending job is just like my stripper job..it's like a underage gay hooters.We wear these see through tank tops or tee shirts that say ''Twinkz'' on them and they are pretty tight.We either wear booty shorts baggy pants or jeans that are tight on your a**..not skinny jeans.I wore the tank top just because all the other shirts and tanks are in the washer.I get alot of attention only because im the youngest and i move alot.And word got there too that im a V so that sucks.By now you're probably wondering how i get to work.I get free rides on a bus.People notice where im working from sometimes and snarl.Or they roll there eyes.Straight guys call me a f** or touch my a** before i sit down to play around.All i do is smile at them because they don't even know me.So im on the bus and I see T.J.I saw his head then i saw it go back down for some reason.that guy is always searching in that damn backpack.Why is he all the way in the back?.I got up and walked back there.Yes people were staring at me because of what i was wearing but my friend is back there.He is scared to sit in the back so why is he back there?.''Hey t...um...''..Yea..I made a huge mistake walking back there.He was going up and down on his boyfriend.''Oh hey jer what's up?''.He says breathing hard.''uh..um..Im gonna go back up there.ok?''.I say covering my eyes.His boyfriend pushes inside harder and he moans alittle loud and people turn around.This time i didn't make a noise for people to turn around and they still are ending up to stare at me..woohoo.I was on my way to my seat when some guy grabbed my arm.''Hey i thought i saw you somewhere''..It was the guy who tried to get alittle more then he was supposed to at the strip club.''I have a Tazor and i'm not afraid to use it..back off'' I say snatching my arm away and continuing to walk.The bus is at my stop and I get off the bus.The one thing that is bad about this job is everyone comes here and everyone loves it here,so there is always people walking in.I walked in and i heard the song ''wake me up'' by evanescence..Or is that not the name of the song...''Jerry get over here there are some college boys and they need their drinks''..That's my boss,Jake.''Hey Jer what's up?''..Ooooh nice shirt''..''I love your hair''..I hear as I walk to my table.it's nice to hear so many nice things in one night but those people only say those things because they think im gonna cash in the big V.When i got to the table i wanted to scream..It was MR.D and 4 other ******** p***s c**k d**k MOTHER ******** s**t d**k IN MY c** UUUUUUGH!!! I tried to turn around and then my friend Melanie is right there.She's 17 and always has her eye on me.She's the Boss's daughter so she kind of has to,but she's like a sister to me and she treats me better than she does the other guys.''I met them at the mall in hot topic and told them they should come by'' she says crossing her arms under her huge boobs.The girl could feed Haiti with those beasts.She turns me around and points at MR.D.''You see that guy right there..He asked if you worked here.I asked him if you do was it any of his business and he just walked away''.You bitched at hi..i should pop your watermelons b***h!.''Oh..um..thankyou?''.I say trying not to make it obvious that i wanna avoid that table.''Um..where are you going anyway..Turn that tight a** back around and go over there!''.She says walking me towards the table.I stop and try to think of an excuse.''i..i can't.I have to go..and um..'' I say failing at the attempt of an excuse.''You have to nothing now go over there!'' she says laughing and holding my hand all the way through the crowed of adrenaline fist pumping party people all the way to their table.''Hi booooys'' she says with a smile on her face and putting me infront of her with her hands on my shoulders.''This guy here will be your waiter while I am off to stare at some hot a**.Enjoy!'' she winked at me and slapped my a**.I jumped alittle.''Go get em tiger'' she says laughing and walking away.And there was MR.D..staring down.i mean c'mon im not that ugly...I looked down too and started talking ''Hi guys im Jerry and i'll be your waiter tonight''.they all smiled and sat up and looked so surprised.''aww how old are you'' one of them said ''Old enough'' I said giggling.His friends laughed at my answer and started giving me their orders.After everyone gave me their order MR.D looked up at me and i blushed.He kept staring.I couldn't look away..Then he immediately started giving his order.he ordered 6 things and a drink.Um....did someone say DAYUM!.I didn't even write it down.I turned around ready to leave with a sigh of relief.Yaaaaaay im leaving the awkward tablllllllle.''wait...and I want to request a song'' he says with a smirk on his face...you son of a b***h..really?..i am not in the mood to sing especially not infront of you...''And what song would that be?''.I say annoyed.''Boots are made for walkin''.Him and his friends laughed.I turned and walked away...A few minutes later i walked back and gave them their food and went to go tell everyone the song he wanted to hear....Ok i knuw you guys are wondering what the hell is going on...we perform songs for people.They ask for a song and we perform it or sing it.I always am the one singing.I love the singing,but he's in here and it's complicated because i'll get stage fright with him here..I dun wanna look stupid infront of him.Not with what im wearing.The boys but on booty shorts and cow boy boots with cow boy hats and their bandannas.I added a vest to the outfit.you know i have to over do it.Atleast the outfit will probably hide the fact that i have no a**.I got up there and when the song came on i grabbed the mike and i shook my little,gave it a great show.I sung my little broken heart out and danced some of the appropriate moves on that stage.People were dancing with me.But here was the part i didn't like where people had to go ontop of the tables dancing and singing.''♪these boots are made for walkin.and thas jus wha they'll do.nd one'a these days these boots are gowna.walk..all..over.you♪'' I sang getting ontop of the bar table with the other guys.Then my favorite part.the beer.If they like you they throw beer at you to make the performance sexier.I had such a great time I forgot about MR.D...The song was over and I was dripping wet.I had money in the front part of my jeans.That was so fun.I looked at MR.D and he was clapping and looking at me.Damn with MR.D and those sexy dark blue eyes.Always locking them on mine.I blushed and got off the bar table to go change.After all of that mess i was grabbing my things to go.MR.D was watching me leaving and I saw him get up.oh noooooosery.Stay over there where you wont make me cry just by the sound of your voice.I quickly got on that bus and that was the end of him.
PG.36
Well everyone.2 days has passed and I havent not seen MR.D.I think he went back to where he lived before he came to a place like Marietta Georgia.Here I am thinking to myself that things would get better if he left,but ofcorse not..He just HAAD to show his face and get me falling for him again..with that cute smile..nice a**..Ok..i..think you get it,but yea..it would have been nice to have a conversation with him without wondering if i should hit him in the face or marry the asswhole.I was walking to the bus station with my big stripper bag full of disappointment.It's the bag of disappointment because im disappointment in myself for stripping.Ok so I was on my way and when I sit at the bus stop there is some guy staring at me.He has brown shoulder length hair and pretty eyes.He was as skinny as me and he was holding this camera.It was a Canon.I loved that camera.''I like your camera'',I say all staring at it like a pair of nike high tops.''Thankyou'', he says doing a small smile.''I just got it yesterday''.He studied me up and down.Today was a sunday and On Sundays the bus is packed.And I was right since there was nowhere to sit but in the back..Shawn sat with me.''Are you new here?'' he randomly asks.''Oh nuuuu'' I say laughing.''I've been here practically my whole life''.I say looking at the window trying not to have memories.''Oh well thank god because i do not know where im going''.Me and him both laughed.I always laughed with my hand over my mouth due to the curse my mother gave me...her gap.I have everything going for me and then i start talking and people go ''what the hell?!'' when they see the gap in my teeth..thanks mom...The bus stopped at the street of the strip club.This sucks when i meet new people on a bus because they end up knowing where im heading.I got up from my seat.''Hey,.um..nice meeting you'' He said with that cute smile.I smiled with my mouth closed.''Nice meeting you too''..Watch where im going and see how nice it was meeting me then buddy boy.I felt horrible walking in the strip club with the cute guy watching me.And besides he was 17.that's like...adorable cute dammit!.As soon as I come in I hear I have to do another backstage dance.I mean..really..what am i a free pass to fame or something...I put on this soldier outfit.I was just a soldier hat with the baggy soldier pants and no shirt with this bandanna.I made the marks on my face like they do when theres about to be war.I was walking on my way backstage for this annoying feature of the club.Scott didn't even put my blind fold.He just directed me to one of the rooms.And you would not believe who was in there waiting for me..I always say you wouldn't believe who it is but you guys always know who it is..MR.D waved at me.''Hey Jer.Now...is it me or have you been trying to avoid me.You and me both know that's not nice'' He says with a smirk on his face.''What do you want?''.I say staying at the door about to turn around.He looks at me and tilts his head.First I want you to come sit next to me,then i want that attitude to stop.'' He patted the spot next to him.You are SOOOOO lucky i am in love with you or the attitude would be a torch you a** nugget!.''Ok MR.D''.I say sitting down all the way at the end of the couch.''Why are you all the way down there?.Get your little a** over her and sit next to me'' he says patting the spot next to him again.I sat a foot next to him and he started talking about almost the same things that were in that letter he left for me.He talked about how he ''did'' love me and that he ''did'' miss talking to me,but he still wanted his ex.I can't be mad at him though..He's an adult and he can do what he wants,but whatever happened to breaking up with people.He is in a relationship and I guess now that I think of it.I was selfish for trying to keep him to myself like that.If he wanted to leave he could have..i..guess..I even said ''it's what the heart wants''..I guess his heart just didn't want me.mother loving tear.I expected MR.D to be doing so much better ever since he left me sitting there like a washed up rag on the beach ground,But there were a few flaws blocking happiness.Im not saying him leaving me and what he did to me caused this this.Im just saying i thought he would be living a happier life.He is Happy from what I heard,don't get me wrong.His life just..It could be better.''So..what about you.Enough about me.How has your life been''.He asks smiling at me and saying those words with that soft adorable smooth voice.MR.D i want to do things to you that i see in moviiiiiiiiiiiiies.''It's been wonderful'',I say looking down.''Right'',He says picking my head up and locking his eyes on mine.Um..i..think I just cummed on myself...''Im serious tell me everything.I've told you about my life now open that mouth and explain yours'',He says still looking in my eyes.I'll open my mouth but it wont be to talk.I explained how my mom was going to put me in Juvie so I got emancipated.And how there are times where I just couldn't make it.I left out the parts of how bad he hurt me and the parts about how hard it was to get over him.One thing i know he dosent like is hurting people who don't deserve it.He hurt me and i didn't deserve,but letting him know that would kill him and me just seeing him hurt because he hurt me.the word hurt is in there too many times if you ask me..I explained how I stripped and how I work at a bar that performs songs and stuff.He smiled at how good I was doing and then his smiled faded when his phone suddenly rang.Then happy land was over because he had to go.''You sung great to my request at the bar''.He said laughing at me.I think he was being sarcastic.''thanks?'' I say getting up knowing he has to go.''heeeey whoa why are you leaving?''.He says standing up too.''Because you have to go.Your phone rang.Seeya''.I turn around walking away and he grabbed my arm.He looked at me for a second,and then finally said something.''Be careful ok?''.He says kissing my cheek and then leaving the room.I love you MR.D....I said goodbye to what i wish was MR.D still here and what looked like slumping,all the way back to my dressing room.Don't you dare cry.....
PG.37
It's been a week since I've seen his face.In a way im happy I saw him.In another way im so angry i ever saw his face.One thing I learned is that it's bad to hold grudges.I told people all the time ''I forgive and Forget''...I mean..That was all bullshit to be honest..I became friends with that shawn guy lately and he sleeps over my house alot.He is very shy and cute when he wants to be but it's only because he likes me..but he'll never tell.He didn't care I worked.He always came to watch me strip though and perform shows at the bar.He even got a job there with me....''You snore when you sleep Jer''.He laughed laying on his side in the bed next to me.I was laying on my stomach with one eye open when i heard that ''shut up no i don't!'' i say sitting up on my side and laughing with him.''yes you do.Im not deaf.You could hurt awake the whole street with that Jerbear''.He says trying to piss me off and laughing more.I gasped and got ontop of him.''Take that back you butt nugget!'' we both laughed as I pinned him down wrestling with him.He laughed and we wrestled so much we fell on the floor and still kept laughing.I happened to be ontop of him and still pinning him down but sitting up.He sat up and stared in my eyes.I stared back and looked down shy.I was never the shy one.it was always shawn.and when I was shy it was when he complimented me at work.By the way i was dancing i think i would get plenty compliments right?.He kissed me gently and held my cheek.I lit up like a light bulb and put my hand on his chest continuing the kiss..Uuuuuuuuuh....i...um...I am speechless myself here...I got off and quickly scooted myself across the room onto the wall.''I..i gotta go take a shower.''.I say stumbling to stay standing straight after that.He smiled and blushed looking at me.what the HELL! is wrong with me!.what am i high!?..I layed against the bathroom door for a second and thought to myself ''what was I thinking''...It was just...so different..I havent felt like that in quite some time..''Hey..um..Jer'' says shawn blushing and looking down.Fidgeting with his hands.I was so speechless so I looked at him and then looked back down but i think he knew he had my attention.''well..for what it's worth..I liked what just happened''.He blushed more and did not dare look at me.It was so cute.I smiled alittle.''Ditto''.I walked in the bathroom and started my shower.I slowly took off my shirt.Just..so stunned at what happened just now.I slid my boxers off and got in the shower.I dun knuw what to say to that...But..i think i liked it.Shawn walked in and took off his clothes.''I..don't know where we're going from here but i just wanna see if that's ok with you Jer''.He says getting in with me.I looked down shy at letting him see me naked.''It's ok.I like what I see''.He says starting to kiss me pulling me closer to him.I moaned alittle to the feeling of his body touching mine.Then he turned me around and starting rubbing my chest while kissing my neck.He put me against the shower wall and pressed his body up against mine.I felt his hard c**k on my back.He started stroking me nice and slow while slowly grinding on me...I never knew he felt this way about me...I moaned louder...and louder..Wow his hands are firm....He gave me one hard push and i cummed on the shower wall and all over his hand.he kept pushing and kissed my neck..Then we both took a shower together..As he washed my back and my cummy p***s he randomly asked.''Did you like that?''.I said yes and let him kiss me....wow...that's...all i have to say..is wow..
PG.38
I don't really know what I was thinking when i let him do what he did to me but it was so hot..I couldn't control myself and he's such a cute,sweet,and innocent guy.but i wanted to stick with being single and independent..and plus if MR.D finds out what happened hell freak out.Me and shawn never had sex in that shower..he just gave me a hand job while pushing against me...so..nice and gently..oh...sorry lol.We took the shower and cleaned the c** off the shower wall and then we went to sleep together.This morning..I woke up facing shawn and his arm on my back side.He was smiling at me when i opened my eyes.At first it was so creepy but then i looked back and he looked so adorable.I was day dreaming how cute he was when suddenly i remembered i had to go to work in one hour.''oh s**t!'' I jumped out of bed and remembered i was naked.''oh!'' I covered my p***s and i made my body do like when women are not trying to be seen naked..Shawn laughed alittle sat up laying on his side ''you're so cute when you panic''.I ignored his comment because in the back of my mind.I was telling myself that i betrayed MR.D.How could I do something so stupid...He'll never forgive me..That was the only thought on my mind.''I've already seen what's under those hands Jer,so you can stop trying to hide it''. He smirked.''We have to go to work Shawn''.I walked to the bathroom to fix my hair.I just wanted the world to start over for one day.I bent down to throw water in my face.When i lifted my head up shawn was behind me.He wrapped his arm around me and grabbed my bulge in my baggy jeans that were tight around the waist area.I moaned alittle.''Shawn''.I moaned his name trying to control myself.He smirked and kissed my neck still messing around down there in my goodies.''I saw your cute little body..and..for what it's worth..all i have to say is..Wow''.He smirked and blushed putting his head on my shoulder.''We have to get to work.Can you just get dressed so we can go?''..I said taking his hands off of me.He looked down kind of upset.''Oh..ok so.I...actually never mind..it's not even important'' he said walking into the other room.I felt so horrible about what I did.It wasn't even supposed to happen.I wish i didn't hurt his feelings like that I just needed some time to think about what happened.I walked back in the living room.Shawn had his pony tail with the 2 strands of hair down..He was so adorable and I just felt like bitter s**t...''Shawn i''.He cut me off ''Lets go.We're gonna be late''..He said walking out the door.he didn't even look at me.MR.D comes before any other guy.I sat in the car. and shawn just sat there.''Shawn we..kind of ha''.He interrupted me.''Buckle your seat belt''.He said not even staring at me.''Oh thankyou for reminding me''.I say looking down ashamed of myself for not even taking the guys feelings into consideration.He started driving.The wind blew his hair and he looked so hot with one arm on the wheel and the other on the car door.Like he was lounging..''Shawn I just wanna say im Sor''..''Jer I get it.if you don't like me you don't like.Just stop.''...I slouched in my seat.He dosent understand.I really want to kiss him and want him on me.I want go out with the guy.And he's so nice and sweet and innocent.I loved the way he lit up when i play grabbed his a** and stuff..I just...didn't know how to say that with the thought of him the would couse me out in my head.''But shawn I..''...''Jer Im serious..stop i think i get the point and we're here''.He immediately got out of the car and walked right in the bar.It was 2 hours of work and he still didn't even talk to me or dare to stare at me.I was getting really upset because i think I have feelings for him.As if my night couldn't get any worst than it already is MR.D is sitting by himself,but oh no.There's more.Shawn is his waiter.yes 2 hot guys who both have seen me naked..woo to the hoo...damn Karma.I was gonna turn around and walk out but there was nobody to hide me..I turned around ready to walk away,but the hair I have it's hard to not notice me.I have these tree braids on the top and back of my hair i cut the sides off.and the length is 5 inches below my nipples.And it's like..frizzy but clean Human hair.I had it in this pony tail with a hat on my head with the pony tail out the back of the hat so it looked cute.I even made the hat go to the side alittle,BUT that is not the point.The point is that he saw my tight a** and screamed me name..''oh Jerry Come over here!''.He laughed knowing what I was trying to do.Shawn was the one that pointed me out.I walked over there.''Heeeey Dominic what are you doing here.It's such a small world right?''.I laughed alittle trying trying not to make things weird.''I came to see you..Duh''.He smiled and he patted this spot next to him.I looked at shawn.''Seeya later i guess..''.he walked off with his head down.MR.D wouldn't let me leave because he wanted to talk to me.So i stayed.you're so lucky you're hot and that i still have feelings for you...or this convo would seem weird..after that 10 minute conversation it appears that my shift was over..That was fun.MR.D got up and so did I.''I'll see you later ok?''.I nodded and smiled.he smiled back and kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair.I hit his hand and hugged him goodbye.Me and shawn ended up being the only people in the bar to clean the tables because i was lounging and he was watching me lounge.Oh shawn you sexy stalker.I was washing a table next to shawn's..Somehow while we were washing we were right behind eachother and our asses touched.He then started asking me all of these questions about MR.D.I didn't think any of that was his business so I never told him.But then he just stared at me and kept asking me personal stuff like do I love him and have I had sex with him.''Shawn the guy is in his 20's why would i have sex with him?''.I sat down on the table.''Well im 17 and i wanna do things to you that i KNOW that mans wants to do to you.You can get any guy..you're so adorable.''.he blushed saying that and then kept wiping his table.I sucked it up and made a huge mistake..it took half an hour to explain me and MR.D..Shawn was so angry and he didn't want me around MR.D..''Why the hell do you still hang out with that guy after what he did to you?''..He said coming closer to me while i was still sitting on the table.I looked down.''Well..I..kind of still am inlove with him.''.Shawn sighed and hugged me.''I just don't want you around him anymore.Guys like that don't give a s**t about you.''.Shawn was so right,but i don't know what it was that still wanted me to stay for MR.D.''I can't do that for you.And I can take care of myself shawn thankyou for caring though.'' I said getting off of the table.Ok...all of the sudden me walking away trying to ignore Shawn's request turned into me yelling ''I love him and you can't change that so just stop telling me what to do!!!''...and then shawn's response.''In that case i should have just left you alone..I thought I could be that guy for you.I wanted you so bad but you're so love sick over some guy that left you for his ex.You're so stupid...When is it gonna get to you that he will NEVER..EVER love you the way that I do!!!.You're nothing but a kid to him!!''.Shawn says throwing a glass on the floor and walking out of the bar...He had tears rolling down his face..I..can't believe he just said that to me..That hurt..But he's right..wow...i..I..always thought in my fairy tail little head MR.D would come running back to me..But..no..it's not going to happen like that.I..guess i should just give up on the guy..im just some kid with a crush anyway.....I..walked outside and there was shawn in the car waiting for me.''Shawn..''...'''Just shut up..im taking you home.getting my stuff and im going home...''..Im so sorry....
PG.39
I Hated so much that today was a school day.i am honestly thinking of just dropping it and leaving it at that..All this stress with Shawn and MR.D is really getting to me.I have never seen shawn like that though..And I made him so upset..I never even knew he cared about me like that....Today after school I was running on the track field.I started doing that to just calm myself down and run off some steam..When I say I started running track I mean I just started TODAY...I am so lazy.I was running when I saw MR.D coming with Chinese food.I was so distracted by how cute he looked I ran into the fence..MR.D stood over me..''Um..How's it goin down there?''.He says giving me a hand.I grab his hand and he pulls me up.''It was going fine until you showed up.I laughed and he play fully punched me in the arm.''Yea right''.He hugged me and we went to the bench talking about shoes and icecream.''I got you a small vanilla milkshake Jer''.MR.D put the milkshake on the front of my gym shorts which were very thin.I jumped up and he took it off.He laughed hard when he saw the wet stain from the melting ice on the cup.I pushed him playfully.''you butt nugget!.No you're a a** wipe for that one.You have earned the title of a** wipe'' We both laughed and ate our food.When we were done eating and we were on our way to the dumpster MR.D started talking about his relationship.I was so jealous how he loved him soooooo much.''He knows i will never leave him no matter what''.Says MR.D looking down and smiling as if he were day dreaming.''Awww that's so sweet.Im sure he feels the same about you MR.D''..I say with a smile.I wanna cut that pricks face off and shove it down his skin and boned throat and then when it's going to his a** i want to stab it where it is...right in his belly button...little p***k..took mah man.....I was starting to think that what shawn said..or in this or in other words..yelled at me was true..There are no more times with MR.D..he no longer has any sort of feeling for me.He is done with me..And as simple as that I was day dreaming..When I day dream it's like im actually there..MR.D sighed and told me some of the flaws in the relationship.I was all ''Well things will get better they always do.Especially for someone as sweet as you''.Buuuut on the inside I was in my happy day dreaming world drowning his boyfriend in his own blood....''Ok well I gotta go..''..I say walking off on my way home so I could just get this whole convo off of my mind.''Wait.jer where do you live..I searched the ghetto and you were nowhere to be found'' He says trying to hide he wants to laugh at his racist joke.What is this..See me naked and get a free racist joke to say?...uuuh nu?!.I laughed anyway...It WAS funny.I told him where I lived and then i walked away..''Waaaaait..Damn Jer what?,are you in a rush or something?'' He says getting infront of me.Yes..In fact I am in a rush...Away from you..With your cute bubble but and firm hands and..awesome hair...''what butt nugget?'' we both laughed a bit.''Im not gonna let you walk home..all sweaty and stuff you seem tired so get in the car''.He says opening the door for me.I got in and he drove me home.When we got there i let him in.and we turned on the T.V..''Make yourself at home''. I say changing my clothes.''Oh don't worry about that.He got up and helped me take my shirt off.We were laughing because he was playing around like not taking the shirt all the way off and wiggling me around.Then the unthinkable happened..Shawn walked in..''what the..''.He says walking in slowly.He walked up to MR.D.''Heeeey you're that waiter I saw at that bar.How ya doin im Domi''.Shawn punched him so hard in the face he fell back with a bloody nose..I read a book about normal life..where the HELL in the book does it say the guy i like punches the guy im inlove with!!!.''You son of a b***h''.Shawn says walking over to hit him again.I got infront of him and pushed him into a wall.''What the ********! is wrong with you?!''.I walked over to him and pulled him by the hair outside the apartment...I poked my head back in the apartment.''Um..get yourself some water or something i'll be right back.'' I say with a tone that sounds like a strict mother.MR.D just sat there and layed on the floor.He gave me a thumbs up to say that he heard me..''Shawn what the hell was that?!''.I say walking up to him.''I don't like what that guy did to you ok?.I just couldn't handle myself...Im sorry.''.He looked down ashamed of himself.He got in his car.''Ok that's nice and all but i don't remember hearing you say you were going to punch him in the god damn face..You said to.''..''I know what I said Jer..I..That's..I just..''..He said moving the hair out of his face. and looking down.''What?''.I say walking up to the standing next to the driver seat.''That's what someone does when they care.I guess i just cared too much.You don't understand how I feel about you''.He says blushing and finally looking at me.He had a tear coming down his face.''I..Shawn..Im going to have to ask you to leave ok?''.I say looking down.I couldn't believe what I was hearing.''I understand..Does that mean me and you are through?''.He says sniffing and starting the car not looking at me.Just too embarrassed.''You come into my apartment.You Hit the love...The guy i can't get over.had to catch myself there.. and then you tell me you care about me.Just..I really care about you.I wanted to start a relationship with you.Me and you are like..magnet compatible but this..I can't let you get away with this.''..I say looking away.''So.you don't have anymore feelings for me?''.He says looking up at me.''I never said that shawn..I just have too much to handle.Im sorry''..I say starting to walk off.''Hey Jer'' He calls from the car as Im at the apartment door.I look at em.''It's funny..you stay with someone who broke your heart in ways I can't forgive anyone.And then..I come along.I brighten your life,but you choose him over me...I'll miss you so much..But im so disappointed in you..''..He drove off.And I just stood there..Silently with my hand on the door knob.I was so shocked by another one of his...Conclusions...When I felt a tear roll down my face..I was back to life.I blinked a few times and shook my head.I hate that he seems to be right about everything he says...I walked in the room.MR.D had his nose fixed but it was broken.I giggled at the way his nose was out of place alittle.That was until MR.D snapped it back in place..''How do I look?'' He asked smiling.''You looks great''.We both laughed and he hugged me,then he and I sat down.I explained to him about me and shawn..Even the time in the shower and how I really felt about him.MR.D told me that I shouldn't have let him get away.But I had a feeling I would see him again.I sent MR.D home and I got in the shower so I could look good for the strip club.I was washing my hair when all the sudden I heard someone walking.And there foot steps were pretty heavy.oh my goooooood im going to have to think of something..uuuh..what's in this bathroom to protect me..There my shampoo.my back washer..My bubble bouncer for baths.and some soap.God dammit why arent I ever prepared for anything!.The foot steps seemed to get louder and louder.I hid on one side of the shower.I turned the shower off and I held my breath.I saw in the movies when you hold your breath it's harder for the sons of bitches to find you.hehe try and get me now!.The shower door opened..You guys know for a fact I was shaking like a lesbian couples double sided d***o/vibrator.''I smell a tight little virgin..Come out.come out where ever you aaaaare''.He said checking behind the door.This was my chance while he was...Oh..my god..that's the guy from the strip club who tried to get more than he was supposed to get off the backstage dance!..oh my god he's so built im so scared!..damn MR.D..leaving me here in a crisis like this..''.I found this metal thing that holds up all my washing material.oh my gos there is my hair detangling comb!.I've been looking for this for like...forever!..How much I missed you..I had the metal part of the shelf in my hand ready to attack.''MMmm you wanna get wet you little brat.Daddy can play that game.'' He says.I can hear the footsteps coming to the shower.Daddy dosent know what's comin hehe.He opened the shower curtain and I screamed.He grabbed at me and I hit em in the nose with the metal shelf then I dropped it and ran out of the bathroom.''You little mother ******** I see you wanna play hard to get.I like it like that anyway!''.He says coming for me.I was in my bedroom under the bed.He walked in the bedroom.''I can smell that Shampoo you little twink''.I squeaked.dammit dammit dammit!..The movies lied!I went agaisnt the wall under my bed.''is that you I head moving under there?..you're so naughty..wanting to play under the bed''.He sounded like I was a new scoop of icecream he couldn't wait to get.He looked under the bed and saw me.He laughed like a maniac and reached for me.I kicked at his hand and he caught my foot.''Oh you don't wanna know what im gonna do to you''.He says yanking me from under the bed.I kicked at his sack and got off the floor,Then I gave him one good punch to the face and last but not least I kneed him in the sack nice and hard.''Does daddy mind if Jerry Cheats?'' I say then hitting him in the face with the metal shelf.He was on the ground.I never thought I was capable of doing something like that..wow.I stepped over him and tried to run out but he grabbed my foot and tripped me.''You're lucky im so hard or that would have hurt worst'' He said pulling me towards him.I turned around and kicked at him but he caught my foot and layed me on my stomach he pulled out these hand cuffs and hand cuffed my hands together..''what the ******** is wrong with you!?.get off.Do you know what could happen to you if you get caught?!''.I scream at him trying not to be pulled from my room into my living room.I held on to the chunk of that wall for my life.Im gonna break a ******** nail!.I couldn't hold on any longer and I let go.''He opened my legs and got in between them.''Im gonna get what I paid for at that damn strip club.'' He says sliding his huge middle finger inside me so deep I could have sworn it was a 6 inch wide d**k.I moaned in pain.it hurt so much.'Mmmm make that noise for me one more time.'' He says this time shoving 2 fingers in my tight hole.I then started to cry in pain..I couldn't take what was happening to me..and I felt blood.he licked it off of my hole.''Oh s**t''..he said...I was bleeding alittle too much..All I heard was the door busting open..and then I passed out.how could this happen to me...why..
PG.40
I woke up so nicely ready to go to work and everything.I had no clue where I was yet,but where ever it was had a nice breeze.I opened my eyes and I was not a happy camper..I remembered what happened and whenever I moved my legs it hurt soo much..I looked to the side and saw T.J,Chris, and Josh.they spent 10 minutes talking about how they were gonna ask me for these booty shorts and fight over them infront of me.I laughed so hard but that hurt in my stomach.''Well tell Scott why you aren't at work''.They said getting up kissing my cheek each and then leaving.I sat up to adjust my pillow. and i found a note under it with candy,and a bouquet of blue roses.The note left me furious..empty and wanting to die..It was from Edward one of the guys I dated before MR.D...He was everything I ever wanted in a guy..But then he started to be mean to me for nothing.I tried harder to please him..and nothing worked.he cheated on me with his ex and then with one of his friends.He actually told me he did it.He explained how the sex with his ex was how he was way better than me.All I did was want to surprise him for his birthday.His ex he cheated on me with even had the nerve to try and apologize to me.''Im sorry he came running nack to me''...UGH!...I threw the candy to the floor,I ripped up the note and I broke the flowers one by one..Each resembling a piece of my heart he broke..I was gonna break the last one,when all the sudden MR.D walks in.I was almost about to break it.''Um..Jerry what the hell is going on here?''.He says picking up some of the rose pedals.I took 6 minutes explaining who Edward was and what he did to me.MR.D looked down.MR.D also went back to his ex leaving me there.I think that's what got to him.Im not the type to keep remind him just so I can feel better.I didn't even mean to.''Jer Im gonna go k?'' He kissed my head and walked right out.I didn't even get a chance to talk to him..I close my eyes so I can just get some rest.When Someone walks in the door.''Long time no see Bear''.He says walking over to me.''Walk any closer and you'll lose a d**k''.I say picking up a surgery utensil.It was a carving tool.Ed backed up and stared at me.''You can't hold a grudge.And weren't you the one that said ''Forgive and forget''..''.He said laughing alittle.I sat up in pain.I couldn't believe what he was saying.''Weren't..Um...YOU the one that said you loved me,weren't you the one that said you wanted to spend your life with me,weren't you the one that said I was the only guy for you?!!''.I was so infuriated.I don't see how people can cheat and sleep ok at night.Ed laughed and gave me a smirk.he walked closer to me while talking.''I was saying anything just to ******** you,but lucky you...you didn't budge''.tears rolled down my face..I upper cut his sack and when he bent down in pain i pulled his hair so that he could come face to face with me.''Listen here buddy boy..I told you not to come near me..hat you did was so wrong I don't even think you DESERVE! and forgiving.I have tried so hard! to forget about you...You don't understand.And now I finally do and you think you can just pop back in my life!?.I calmed my voice but you could tell I wanted to shove his knee through his mouth,pull it out and shove it up his a**..''Im going to let you go easy.and just say this..Thankyou..thankyou so much!..for putting me what you put me through..it made me so much more independent and now look where you are hun..Now scram before i call security!!'' I yelled in his ear..I felt so relieved but the tears on my face and my fist balled said other wise.He held his ear.''I don't need you anyway..I have a new boyfriend.we met 2 days ago and we've been dating ever since..If im lucky...maybe we're gonna ******** laughed on his way out of the room.I picked up a glass vase and threw it at the door.''I ******** HATE YOU!!!''.I cried wondering why my life just keeps going wrong..I looked to the side of me.There was a guy next to me with these pills that make people sleep.I put 3 pills in my hand and put them in my mouth.I drunk all the water in the glass cup next to me and then threw it at the wall.ooooo these pills must be working very well because i am zoning out like my drunk uncle at my aunts wedding.I was about to give up when I heard people talking outside my door..''Baby it's fine..He didn't treat you right but I will.''..Said one voice..''But..but I can't..I really care about him..we have to stop this right now before he finds out'' said the other voice..''Can we just...have a nice goodbye then?'' Said the first voice..''No because i don't think it's right..and plus there is no place to have some fun with a ''last minute goodbye''.''..I heard kissing and pants unzipping.''Get in here''.I saw 2 people in my room.,but they were so blurry and I couldn't tell who was who...Damn pills..
PG.41
Oh...my...god..I am getting sick and tired of never being happy when it comes to guys.It gets annoying after getting cheated on 7 times.and left by the guy you love the most thinking he was different.What ever happened to just breaking up with people instead of cheating on them.Today I woke up to people..And they were the people I didn't want to see at the moment..Those 2 people made my day a living hell when i woke up...''Oh yea just like that baby''.It was Ed In MY hospital room getting a god damn blow job from no one other than the guy I happen to have feelings for,Shawn..He was moving his head up and down kind of fast with Eds hand on his head.my mouth went open alittle bit.Ed saw that I was awake and he started to do this laugh that said ''Who's the b***h now?''..Tears started to go down my face.I couldn't believe what the hell was going on.My voice was really low and scratchy but you could obviously still tell the mood I was in.''What...what the ******** stopped moving his head. and lifted his head off of Ed's Hoo ha.Ed laughed harder and held his stomach.All the sudden it was hard to breathe and I was getting really dizzy.''Jer..I ..I can explain.''..Said shawn turning around.''Ed..His eyes..they rolled to the back of his head''.He said looking at me closely.''Im outa here''.Ed walked out of the room laughing and zipping up his pants.Shawn started to cry.''Im so sorry''..He said running out of the room.He came back in with doctors.They told him to stay outside and wait for me.He just stood there crying..staring at me..Maybe I will get my wish and finally die...I woke up and it was like I had I was a having a flash back of my friends quince.Or my moms family reunion.Everyone was there.My Sisters.My mom and dad.My aunt.my uncle.People from my moms church group.My friends from school,the bar,and the strip club.I was only looking for one person though.And he wasn't there.I should just leave him alone...''He's awake!''.My sister yelled and came at me.Everyone started huggin my body.If they didn't have anything to hug they hugged my feet or put their hand ontop of my body.And there was so many people that the hands on my body went alittle in the wrong places.People kept asking me all sorts of questions and stuff,Like asking if what happened,am I ok,are you gay (i could have sworn I established that answer with everyone in the room by now).I was getting all these get well cards and candy and teddy bears and get well balloons.I even got these books about the lord and being pure.Thanks mom.I didn't check the rest of the stuff and people went awwww so I just played along and looked at all the stuff..It was 2 annoying hours of people laughing,making jokes,catching up on things,crying,and sharing funny moments about me.And..to top it off..Mother made everyone in that room pray holding hands and s**t..Um..This is not a funeral people..I and still moving here.If I need to let you know by farting I will..Everyone was laughing and then I decided to cut in due to the fact I was not in the mood and these people were getting on my damn nerves...''Uuuum everyone thankyou for everything but you need to go!..now!'' I yelled to everyone in the room..All I heard was awws and boos and ''you're a party pooper''..That is annoying from my point of view...''Yeeeea...uuuuum..get out or i'll call the cops.You guys are getting annoying.obviously im not dying nore am i dead yet so if you could all please excuse yourselves out of my hospital room..thankyou...''.Everyone looked at me like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.''Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed says my gay bashing aunt.Everyone agreed and nodded.''Someone is about to wake up with a foot up their a** if you guys don't get the hell out of here''..My voice was still low and scratchy.I needed them to get out because all I wanted to do was cry...They left.and I got my hugs good byes and stuff..I Sat up and stared at the wall.Why didn't he come?....I wanted to go back to sleep.Just sleep away all the sadness and the fact that I was scarred for life from what I saw Shawn doing.But theeeen the doctor walked in.I spent 10 minutes getting checked up.I told them I used the pills from the guy next to me to go to sleep.They told me.The stress,and anger,and hard breathing caused me to have an anxiety attack.It could have been a seizure but stuff wasn't flying out of my mouth..After that.The guy left and told me to ring this little bell if I needed anything.I nodded and smiled..Then He told me i should just take some time to relax a bit and maybe get counseling,anger management,therapy,shrink,or a psychologist .He said by the way the results showed from my cat scan that I probably need all of that.He gave me a card for a a friend he knew.He was a psychologist.what are you trying to say here sir?....I went to sleep...I wish you were here Dom....
PG.42
I got out of the hospital 3 days ago.It was different.I wasn't going to go get a check for chicken pocks or if I had something.It was because of stress...My gay uncle got me these tickets to a gay cruise and he told me he only had enough for me and 4 other people.I couldn't decide so I thought of this wonderful idea to throw a party at the bar.And the way we know people are going is a vote.The way the voting works is this.Whenever someone orders anything they vote and we put it in the raffle spinning thing.If anyone.I mean aaaaanyone has a problem with raffle spinning thingy you can suck my left nut..I am so excited about everything,and hopefully when I go on this cruise it will give me time to think about my self and not MR.D..(later in the day)...The party is here.I got my hair dyed deep bloody red with golden blond tips,.I made it look like emo hair.I think I look adorable.Everyone is at the bar dancing and having fun.''Everyone!''.I say with a bottle of tequila in my hand.''This party is hot nonstop crazy.And now me and melanies brother both have something in common...We both have some sort of bottle in our hands only mines is illegal''.Everyone joined me in a laugh and we all drunk to that.If you saw me take my drink you would have sworn i chugged to the toast.The party was going so well..when all of the sudden.My friend T.J comes up to the stage and whispers something in my ear..I dropped the mic..With tears starting to come down my face.I can't let people see me like this....So.What I did was turned around,wiped my face really quick,smiled, and turned back around.People were wondering what the hell was going on.''Everyone if you will excuse me I have to go somewhere''.I say stumbling abit to the news I got about my father.T.J walked me quickly to his car and we were on our way to the hospital.On our way there i layed my head on the window thinking to myself why things like this happen to me..When it occured to me..that..It's life..,but then it also occured to me that life itself dosent like me.And is in control.When I arrived there my former household was in there standing and praying over my dad.I havent seen them in such a long time except for the hospital..And now this..I could try and bottle all of my feelings up like I usally do and pretend im ok,but this is my dad.The guy who made me calm and who I am today,the one who kept is judement about my life style to himself.,the one who seems to understand that I am just a kid..My mom looked at me and everyone else joined her in staring at me.During that awkward silence.I realized what came across my mind earlier.I don't like to pray unless it's necessary,but..Life itself is in control.And this is what daddy would have wanted.If you can't beat em..Join em..Though you never say it.I know you want to..I love you dad
PG.43
My dad had an aneurysm and a blood vessel busted in his brain and started to make him bleed from the brain.My mom told me that my dad refused to go to the hospital,because he thought it was just the turkey he ate from my mom's cooking.Damn lady and her soul food.They said they were going to do a cat scan to see if the aneurysm is anywhere else or if there was anything else wrong with him.That's really all I needed to hear..Some good news.I slept over in the hospital room with my family that night..Only.I didn't sleep..I stayed up that whole night talking to my unconscious sedated father.Telling him how Im sorry im gay,and how im sorry I moved out so early,and how sorry I was for letting him down when I was born.Today my dad's doctor came in and woke my family up.He announced that my dad needed to be transferred to a hospital to have surgery on his brain,because the hospital he is at now dosent support that kind of surgery.Everyone was starting to smile and so was I until..''Ma'm your husbands aneurysm was genetic.It runs in his family'' Said the doctor handing my mom the results of the cat scan.My mom held her mouth and started to cry looking at me and my little sister.I looked at my little sister who was playing with my older sister.Me and my little sister have the same dad but the oldest dosent.''I need you guys to get out so we can start the moving process.It didn't take me long to leave the room.All I was hearing was bad things.All that was happening to me was bad things..I called T.J to come and get me and I was on my way...''Im sorry for ruining your date T.J'' I say buckling up my seat belt and laying my head on the window dozing off into another fantasy of mine.''Oh it's okaaay.The date was getting boring anyway.All he talks about is his dog dying.Over and over again it gets sooo annoying''.He says starting the car.I looked at him like there was something wrong with him.''Um...his dog dyed,he needed to vent and you thought it was annoying?''.I say turning towards him.''Oh don't start with me Jer.This guy is wonderful and everything,but it's just a dog.Buy a new one and shut up.'' He says on his way to the restaurant.''I need to drop by the restaurant for a quick second.I left my Gucci jacket there with my bordem.Thankgod you called''.he said parking infront of the restaurant.''Jerry you HAVE to come in there with me.I can't face the guy alone and he will try and beg to keep me with him in that room i need space to breeeeathe Jer please please please please pleeeeeease''.He says stepping out of the car waiting for me.I sighed.''I really don't even know why I let you drag me around like this..'' I got out and headed for the door..wheeeeen...I happen to see the guy I was hoping to start a relationship with.Shawn..with someone else..I turned around sooo fast.''Um...On second thought..I'm having a really bad day.I might even suffer from an aneurysm like my dad.Who knows when it's gonna come.I'll just stay in the car where it's safer to call the ambulance ok?''..I say quickly walking to the car.''Oh no you don't mister''.He grabbed my arm.''I can't go in there with that guy.''.He turned around to day dream and have a dramatic scene trying to convince me,when he saw the reason I just tried to stay in the car.''Hoooly s**t balls is that shawn?!''.He says loud enough for shawn and the date to hear him..really...is this happening right now...I pulled him to the side away from the door where someone could see us.''Yes it is you human intercom!'' I said in a whispery pissed tone trying not to get angry.''Ok.You are going to stay in the car and I guess I can do this on my own.First something to your dad you don't need this,but next time i need help..help please''..I hugged him
