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Yeah I Know This Isn't A Poem.....
yeah I know this isn't a poem..... I'll put more in later. But right now I just needed to talk about my life. Things are hell right now and I have no one to talk to, I can't be myself, and I've lost all sense of control in my life. Hawaii has become a living hell for me ever since the 1st grade, wait scratch that, since I was born in this awful place. All of my relatives live on the mainland, so I never ever get a chance to see them. I have barely any friends here, and if I do, I rarely see them. I feel like I want to burst out crying every fricken day of my life. I feel like screaming. But I can't do anything because if I show who I really am, I get nothing but hate from it. So I walk on this earth pretending to be who I am not, in order to please the damn awful world. My mother doesn't help at all. I get nothing but yelling and judging from her. I'm blamed for everything that happens. I just recently had spring break and my mother constantly kept asking me why I wasn't hanging out with my friends, why I wasn't out with others, why I didn't have sleepovers over the break. Well, it's because I have no one to be with. I HAVE NO FRIENDS. I was stabbed in the back by them a while ago. That break made me hate my life even more. I'm constantly working on something, whether it's school, dance, or trying to keep what's left of my sanity in tact. I literally think I might just work myself to death one day. Really, not joking and I'm only 13. I feel like crying most of the time but I can't, I have to bottle it up, which hurts even more. The one person I love so much, I'm starting to lose and that just makes me feel even crappier. I seldom feel real happiness anymore.... it's just all fake. I love school but I can't bear to go anymore because I get nothing but glares, and insults, and judgement from everyone else, just because I have a bloody mind of my own. My mother wants to be included in everything I do in this world, she needs to know everything, and I don't want her to. She doesn't understand me. She claims she knows me better then I know myself and she thinks that everything I do is wrong. I constantly think of ways to die, but I know that won't help me at all. I really have no one here. I'm hating myself more and more and the only thing I have left is Gaia and dancing. Those are the only two things in life now that can bring me joy because nothing else really can. In dance i have a family and people who accept me for me and I can do anything I want and it's okay. On Gaia, I have friends who listen and understand, they can let me be myself and nothing else. They are my real friends I feel. But I can't be on all the time to be with them. It makes me sad. So this is only a bit of the hell I call my life in a nutshell. Any questions?
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