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God, I've gotta be the most idiotic girl in the world... I have an amazing man, a man whom I love with all of my heart, and of course, I had to ******** it up somehow. I knew I would. I told him I would. I just didn't expect this little of myself... It's sad when you've ******** up your own, already low, standards of yourself. I did the worst thing someone could do to break the bond of trust that connects a couple. I cheated. Why? I don't ******** know. How did I ever let myself lose sight of, even if for only a moment, how great of a guy Joshua was? Great. William's a nice guy. Great. He cares about me. But why did it have to go any further than that? It didn't. I don't know what happened... God damn it... I wonder if he knows how sorry I really am. I live for him, and I'd die for him... But he doesn't trust me anymore. I don't care that he found out. He should have known in the first place. But I never should have done it in the first place.

I don't know what else to say... I love you, Joshua... I really hope you forgive me...