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crying
My christmas break started last friday, and today was to first day i actually slept in...
i really hate that. Especially since my perfect schedule is staying up until 4am-ish and not getting up until at least after 1pm. To make matters worse thought, my mother actually scheduled a physics tutoring session. Can you believe that?!?!? Who would ever want to actually do physics during a holiday break? Certainly not me! I mean, I forget things over break, and try to think about academics as little as possible (except for japanese because i have to practice that always).
My mother has gone a little nuts. And it's not just me who says this, since my dad firmly agrees. I don't know what it is, and i can't pin it down to just one thing, but something has changed about her in a very wrong way. And she's become even more obsessed with me than before. I understand that i'm her daughter, and her only child, but is it necessary to smother me? Yes, i'm a spoiled rotten child, and i take advantage of my obsessed mother, but it's not like i haven't tried to tell her that she spoils me. I have, directly to her face, in a very straight matter. Did she listen to me? Nope. Not one bit. I've tried and failed, my dad has tried and failed- but that one was doomed to fail from the start, since my mom never listens to my dad at all.
It's sad really. My dad is woefully neglected. Now i'm not saying that he is the perfect person and that my mom is a b***h for treating him like a lowly speck of dust- no not at all. He has his problems as well, one being that he has well, "anger management" problems. Sadly, I've inherited some of those anger issues, though whether it's genetics, or simply from being around such an environment is a debate for another day. But he's a bit of an a*****e, and i say that in the lovingest way possible. I have a few parental issues to work over, but sadly, I doubt i ever will "get over" them. But that's what it is to be a teenager, or at least i think so. It would be too perfect if i loved every little thing about my parents and didn't have any problems with them. That's called wishful thinking.
This is all not saying that i don't have my own problems. I'm perfectly aware that i'm a bit of a b***h to my parents. I have absolutely no problem saying that at all- it's a fact. Their general attitudes are what cause it for the most part, but part of it is that i'm just a moody, teenage girl. My grades don't really help the overall atmosphere of the house either. I have 2 A's, one in choir and one in my TA. I think i have a B in english, but in precalc and japanese, i currently have C's. And physics is riding at a high D, very nearly a C. Now, i'm not stupid. Don't let the grades fool you at all. I'm really not stupid. You may say I'm a bit dum for not applying myself more and actually trying in school- because those grades would be at least a letter higher each if i had done all my homework- but it's hard for me to try. I'm the ultimate procrastinator, and it's to the point that it's almost a bad, but very ingrained habit. It may sound like an excuse, but i really can't help but start my homework (if at all) until 9pm-ish. I'm not the best student, and unlike previous years, i actually kind of have to try this year. Which sucks. I can't really do much but grin and bear it, but i take advantage of my breaks big time. Which brings me back to my original rant.
Anyways..... I think that's all i have in me for tonight, or rather this morning.
These are my private, personal thoughts, none of which have been fabricated, so don't belittle me for them. And if you know me, please don't comment of this as well. I rarely trust people enough to tell such things, so i will take advantage of the anonymity of the internet. Thank you and a Merry Christmas eve to you. or happy whatever you celebrate or don't.
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