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I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness

Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?

Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

Better living through denial.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Back off! You're standing in my aura.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

You say I'm a b***h like it's a bad thing.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

Okay, okay, I take it back! Un-Screw You!

Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic b***h just like you.

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

You look like s**t. Is that the style now?

This is a mean and damned cruel world & I want my nappy & medication right now!

Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

I plead contemporary insanity.

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!!