it was very late and I was beyond tired... and my tiredness took the best of me by making tears come out of my eyes. I never liked me sheding tears, but this time it felt so calm and peaceful because my tears cooled down my fevered face. My tears felt like they were burning, when it really was my face's heat. I reminded myself it was late, and time to take a shower then sleep. The shower was sob sotheing, the sound of the water dripping when it splashed downward. The thing that didn't fill the void for my tears when the feeling I got when the icy water fell on my cheek. Before I could think about staying in the shower all night, I turned the knob left, each turn made the water colder and colder, but nothing felt like the tempature from my tear. I realized I was shivering and I quickly turned the knob till it was off. I tiredly put on my jammies and left to go to my room. Instead, I had a weird thirst -like craving. I hid thought I didn't want to hear and headed for the kitchen. I was low on bottled water so I choose something just as quenching as water, a watermelon. A little pathetic giggle at my little inside joke. I took a long knife, try my hardest not to think anything I wouldn't want to do. I cut the watermelon in a thin slice, the red part was smoothe and easy to cut through but the green part was hard, again trying to push unnecessary thoughts away. I struggled with the green part, I pushed the sword down to the point where I'd break the knife. I was going to ask for help but I figured I'd only eat a little so I started taking my first little bites. The taste was quite welcoming almost perfect. My bites began to increase in size and the juice became so delicious. Delicious, quenching, and... "fragile" I heard one of my dark thoughts say. I knew what conclusion it was going to bring me to, but I just pushed it away, and began to eat my watermelon again. But I felt the thoughts haunting me, and the way I ate was changing. One bite and suck the juice, and my pace became like that only quickening. I was desaparetly eating the watermelon as if it were going to dissapear. I felt as though my innocent side set back to see what thing I've become. When I gain the slightest amount of power I arose to see that I've eaten the whole 1/8 of the watermelon and one hand was lifting the watermelon by Its side and the other in a tight fist, with the only thing from keeping me from bleeding was the wrapper of the watermelon . I struggled to make my hand be in a calm possition. After I did I noticed that I hadent eaten all the watermelon the thick juicy middle part of the melon was still there. I desparetly tried to sink my teeth in the middel, but my attempts failed. I needed the middle and fast or else I'd lose it, I took the knife and cut the juicy middle. I poured it intomymouth. The way I dessparetly poured it into my mouth made me miss directly, making the juice of the melon flow to my chin, and there was when I finnaly saw it, the look of a vampire. The red part of the juicy melon was the blood I just finished sucking, the way i desspsretly drinked the juice was like a vampire's instinct, and the soft red in my eyes only proved that I once again wanted to drink blood. So very irritated at my actions I cracked the hard green part in half, soMething I couldn't do with a knife. I threw the watermelon away and ran to the bathroom, washing my face as I tried to forget what had just happened., and sleep after that was worse. It was the usual small scratch on the vein and bite on the vein of my arm... Giving me the result i wanted. Once i got the tiniest bit, I fell asleep. Twisting and turning and with a dreamless night at least my eyes were rested.
*I'll edit later*
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where my all my posibilities are on a page
this "journal" is a place where i say things that can and can't have reasons. btw try not to compare me with anything in comments.
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