Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Silent Angel

-HINATA-

I feel myself floating, I feel so light. Peace consumes my soul like cool water on tired skin. I let an unknown presence drag me out from the pain, from the darkness that engulfs me, but there’s something inside of me fighting against the idea of fully giving myself to this unknown entity, towards that peaceful light that welcomes me with open arms.

A slight touch, soft like a kiss, flutters behind me and I stare in awe as gentle white feathers rain down around me. I look back, and am astounded to see huge wings attached to my back, as though they have a life of their own. I look up, toward the waiting light, and my knees shake in anticipation as I move my wings, and just by my will they flutter, making me glide up and up and up.

But before I can reach that tranquillity I long to attain, something stops me. A painful sound of longing, of anger, and of apology. It haunts my soul, and I feel something fall from my eyes. I look down; past my bare feet, my white silky dress flying around me as I gaze towards that creature, screeching in anger and reeking of intention to kill.

Still, behind that frightening guise I see someone trapped. A boy? A young man perhaps, curled like a baby in the monster’s stomach. He’s someone I know, someone I just gave my earth life for, someone I . . . someone I truly love.

“Naruto-kun,” I hear myself murmur his name. A name that always had such a sweet taste on my tongue, a simple name that boosted my confidence whenever I felt like giving up - and that even now in my spiritual form, I find that word name soothing.

I feel my wings stir behind me, and I ready myself to go down and wake him from his slumber, but something stop me. Darkness engulfs me and I find myself trapped in my recently departed life, in the memories I treasured when I was still alive.

The only boy that plays with him is that quiet raven haired boy from the famous and respected Uchiha clan. It only happened once, but I was so happy when I saw him smile, and his wonderful eyes – the same hue as the sky – twinkle with happiness. I wanted to hold him and hug him. He looked so cuddly and sweet, like my dolls only so alive.

My parents never told me to keep away from him, like the parents of most of my playmates, but I didn’t have the courage to approach him. I could feel my knees buckling whenever I was around him, and I honestly didn’t understand. At first I though I was sick, but then I realized that it only happened when he was close by.

Most adults sneered at him, and I watched them glare at his innocent face whenever they passed him by. I watched as some of the children started following what their parents were doing, without understanding the real reason behind it. There were times my mother would find me crying after I witnessed how people treated him. I honestly don’t know why I cried, but I did. People were so cruel to him and I didn’t understand why.

“Why are you crying Hinata?” My mother asked me once when she found me crying silently inside my room.

“People are so mean mother!” I answered her, sobbing.

“What do you mean?” My mother asked patiently.

“They a-are bullying Naruto-kun mother, h-he’s not even doing anything wrong…” I answered her once again in between my sobs and sniffs. And every time I said that, my mother would always stop her inquiries and hold me to her chest, hushing me to sleep, and quietly telling me:

“Then be strong for him my little angel, after all, have you ever seen Naruto-kun cry?”

And that’s when I realized that indeed, I had never seen that bright, wonderful, golden boy cry - even with the unkind treatment he got from the people of the village.

Everyday, I would quietly follow him; he was fascinating after all. I don’t know if he noticed me, but I was always merely a short distance from him, following him wherever he went. Usually, he was alone and the only children who would play with him with their parents consent were the youngest Inuzuka boy, the lazy Nara kid and Chouji, the boy who always ate too much.

He loved to eat ramen, I discovered, and he was always smiling at everyone. His laughter was contagious, and I wouldn’t mind living forever just to hear that sound every day.

When night time came, I needed to go back home, but I would see that tired, defeated look on his face, as though he were afraid to be by himself in the night time. Seeing that look, I wanted to reach out to him, and pat him on arm and take that silly and sad look off of his face, but I was too shy to do that. But I always made sure I was around him when he needed me – even if he couldn’t see me.

Years passed, but my fascination with my dear Naruto-kun never ceased. There were times that I wanted to question what I was feeling, but always I put it aside. I was both disappointed and relieved when he was not teamed with me. I wanted him to notice me, but I might not perform properly when he was around.

For the longest time I’ve known Naruto; I know when he’s faking his laughter or when it’s real. I know when he’s upset or confused, in pain or in defiance, and as time goes by, I see how his rivalry with the Uchiha prodigy makes his spirit stronger than I have ever seen. Yet, I could still see that lonely child looking for someone to take him home and give him the love that he longs for.

Naruto-kun had a big heart too, and his big heart had a big dream. Though he lacks intelligence compared to the other ninjas around, his passion and his belief in what is right has made him different from all the geniuses who exist out there. His power to heal and inspire people who have lost track on the road of life gave him the edge on every battle he’s fought.

Maybe at this point, I already knew that I loved him. My prayers are always with him, and nothing that makes me happier than to know that he’s happy. When I was broken down by the constant criticism I received from my father, I would always pull my strength from Naruto-kun’s determination. A mere memory of him gave me the strength to never back down; to fight, and to prove to everyone that I can excel too.

I might not be popular and appealing like Sakura - the only girl Naruto-kun admires - but I’m sure I’m the only person who would gladly give her life for him. For Naruto is the sole reason for my existence. He changes me, and he moulded me into the person I am now, and his death is unacceptable.

Perhaps it’s my own selfishness that pushed me to put myself between him and his opponent.

I didn’t want to be sad, and I’d rather die for him than face loosing him forever and not being able to live my life without regret. My confession probably surprised him, but I could not run now, and nor could I hide. I had to protect the one that gave me life. It’s time that I gave something back to him, and I believed that there are still so many people who are lost and who need his help to find themselves. His death would result only in darkness. My death is only a short-lived mourning.

I feel myself being drawn back again, and when I open my eyes I am standing on the edge of Hokage Mountain and the young man who owns my heart is serenely watching the setting of the sun. There are horrible cuts on his face, neck, and every other visible part of his body. His usually bright eyes are now stormy and dark.

A loose white loose shirt blows about his upper body and his favourite orange pants cover his lower half. He’s hugging his right knee while his left leg hangs over the edge of the cliff. Soft wind caresses his golden hair – now with a somewhat reddish tint, as though trying to wake him from his reverie.

I walk towards him, and my bare feet feel light against the green grass. My wings fold behind me, and much to my surprise, they slowly sink inside my back and disappear. I should worry perhaps about my thin white dress, but at this time all I want is to comfort the young man before me.

I stoop down, my transparent hand reaching out to him, touching his hair and the scars on his face. As I expect, he doesn’t feel it. I slowly straighten up, slightly disappointed. I never regretted giving my life for him, but at this time, the one thing that I regret is that I don’t know how he feels for me.

I know I’m a coward. I know that I only have the guts to confess when I know I’ll be dead later by the time he can reply to me, but now, now I’m sorry for not telling him earlier. I walk away from him with a sinking feeling.

“Hinata-chan . . .”

I hear him call my name; it’s so gentle but still it reaches me. I spin around and look at him. He still looks the same, his position is still the same, but . . . but there’s a tear falling from his eye, gliding down his cheek and dripping finally off his chin. Such a sorrowful sight, that inside I feel as though I’m breaking.

“Naruto-kun,” I murmur.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Don’t be Naruto-kun,” I answer him silently, hoping deep within my heart that he will hear me.

“I was too weak to protect you,”

“You weren’t!”

“First it was Sasuke,” he whispers, but I can still hear his voice. “And now it’s you.”

“Don’t be sad! I’ll always be around you, watching you, just as I always have,” I reply.

“I really am stupid aren’t I?” he says, laughing between tears. I watch as he wipes at his tears with the back of his hand. “Everyone knew how you felt about me, but I was just too stupid to even acknowledge it.”

“It doesn’t matter, Naruto-kun, you always made me happy,”

“You Shouldn’t Have Had To Die!” he yells in frustration.

“I’m willing to give my life away for you again and again. If I were given a second chance, I wouldn’t have done it any differently. So please, please don’t be upset”

“Hinata…”

“Yes?”

“You shouldn’t have died…”

“It doesn’t matter,” I say gently as I feel myself being pulled away from him, his voice becoming dimmer as the sun sets completely, falling over the horizon.

“…because then, I could have loved you too.”

_____________________________________________________________________
NARUTO

I kneel down in front of her grave, the petals of the white lily I bought earlier at Ino’s shop flutter in the afternoon wind. I softly trace my fingers over the cold white stone, her name prettily engraved on it. The colour reminds me of her eyes.

“How are you?” I ask her as though she’s really there; I almost choke on my own words. “I hope you’re happy wherever you are - I bet you’re still the nicest person out there.”

The rustling of wind through the trees answers me, and even from a distance I can feel someone approaching. For a normal person, the arrival of the people behind me is noiseless but with my heightened senses it’s almost like a herd of elephants.

“Naruto,” I hear my former teammate gently calling me.

“I know,” I answer her.

“Stop doing this, it’s not your fault,” Ino adds.

“It’s none of our faults” Kiba buts in.

“Is it her fault?!” I growl at him, my face flushing in displeasure.

“No!” He answers me defiantly. “Now stop acting like you’re the only one who lost someone! She was my teammate and friend too!”

“I know”

“It’s been a month,” I hear Shikamaru comment.

“And you’re still not healing properly” Sakura adds, and I can trace the worried tone in her voice.

“I’m fine,”

“Stop saying you’re fine, when you’re not.” Sakura’s voice becomes hard.

“Just leave me alone,”

“I haven’t seen you like this since Sasuke left”

“Just leave me alone,” I say stubbornly.

“You should take a rest, like everyone else has.” Shikamaru suggests.

“I can’t. I don’t want to hear the quiet mourning of the village over their loved ones deaths.”

“This is life Naruto; we can’t change it.” Chouji reminds me.

I sigh, ruffling my already messy hair. I don’t particularly mind my friends’ presences, but I just need to be alone. I moved quickly from my place, and like a breath of wind I run away from them.

The cliff at the high end of the village has a spectacular setting of the sun. The hectares and hectares of forest that surround our village darkens as the splash of orange, violet and red dresses the late afternoon sky. I grab one of my knee and embrace it, my eyes clouding softly as the beautiful hue of lavender in the sky reminds me so much of the quiet girl I have known since I was a child.

Before I kept on wondering why she followed me, but I just let her be. I was afraid to approach; I always thought I might scare her away. It was sometimes perplexing to see her peeping at me from behind the trees, trying to hide whenever she thought I saw her. At first it was confusing, but later, as time went by her presence calmed me. The thought that someone was always there watching me was actually really comforting.

Hinata was the one girl in the village who never treated me like I had some kind of disease. Though she never approached me, I could feel her gaze when she watched me. There was something behind her pupil-less eyes that soothed my being. There was no abhorrence or hatred, but something far more caring that made me feel warm.

It took Sakura years to even acknowledge me, even more time to care for me, but Hinata? I guess when we were still children, she had already accepted me for who I was – who I am. I know she never cared about what was sealed inside of me, for her mystic eyes could have seen it before. She’s different to all the others – after all, of all the girls who have known Sasuke, she alone never found him interesting.

It wasn’t that she was a freak, in fact, besides her shyness, the Hyuuga heiress was incredibly pretty. Where Sakura and Ino are appealing attractive with their self-confidence, Hinata was charming her kindness and understanding. Who would have thought that someone like her would . . . would love someone like me?

If people call me stupid now, I won’t argue with them. I‘ve been blinded by my adoration for a certain teammate and all the other problems that have been presented to me, but if I had known what Hinata felt for me, would I have been able to acknowledge it?

I feel a gentle touch on my hair and cheeks, something different from the usual kiss of the wind. I blink, but I don’t move. But as soon as it was there, it was gone. I look around, but from this calming presence I can feel who it is.

I’ll admit I’m usually afraid of ghosts and those scary things like that, but this time it’s different. So I call out to her.

“Hinata-chan,” I murmur, wondering if I’ve gone insane talking to no one but myself. I wait for a minute, thinking someone might answer me. I could smack myself for my idiocy, when I hear the wind murmur something back on me.

“I’m sorry,” I say. I started to look around more, trying to decipher the source of the wind’s echo.

“Don’t be Naruto-kun,” it answers me silently. With my peripheral view, I can see a white figure to my left, silhouetted against the rouged setting of the sun, it becomes somewhat more visible.

“I was too weak to protect you,” I continue, I don’t look straight at the figure, and my eyes still focus on the breathtaking sunset.

“You’re not,” she comments silently. I know it’s her, from the long black hair that sways on the wind and the soft voice that reaches my ears, it’s her without a doubt.

“First it was Sasuke,” I whispered. “And now it’s you.”

“Don’t be sad, I’ll always be around watching you, as I always have” She replies.

“I really am stupid aren’t I?” I say, trying to laugh through my tears; tears that unconsciously fall from my eyes, and which I wipe from my face with the back of my hand. “Everyone knew how you felt about me, but I was too stupid to even acknowledge it.”

“It doesn’t matter, you always made me happy,” she re-assures me, and it makes me smile.

“You Shouldn’t Have Had To Die!” I call out in frustration, and the guilt starts to rise in my chest again, the longing to go back to in time almost hurting me n its intensity.

“I’m willing to give my life away for you again and again. If I were given a second chance, I wouldn’t have done it any differently. So please, please don’t be upset” she tells me.

“Hinata…” I murmur, caressing her name as it leaves my lips.

“Yes?”

“You shouldn’t have died…”

“It doesn’t matter,” She says gently. The dimming of her voice proves that she’s slowly being taking away from me, to where she needs to go.

“… because then, I could have loved you too.” I add finally with regret as I watch the sun completely set on the horizon, and before the pale, transparent, silhouette of Hinata’s spirit vanishes it appears in front of me and a gentle touch caresses my lips just before the day ends.


I LOVE THIS FAN FIC! SO SAD AND YET SO TOUCHING!!