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Just when guys can't be more confusing...
[[This is continued from the last post]]
Let's see... I found out that Dude (I think I called him dude, right??) actually likes me. Whoa, ******** trippey, right? Wrong. You should have expected that s**t. xp We're teenagers, come on. We like everybody.
But I found this s**t out at a meeting at work. His best friend kind of spilled the beans... Well, I guess he didn't exactly spill the beans--he just flat out told me. Well, it really surprised me cuz I'm one of those hopeless romantics--even if I do get a boyfriend, the relationship never lasts very long. I just have bad luck like that. I'm not ******** joking. Karma just hates me. And that was the very thing that was running through my head when his friend (We'll call him Buddy) told me that, so I didn't really take anything seriously, even though I liked Dude... a whole lot.
So Buddy asks me if I like Dude... What the ******** was he expecting from me? Did he really think I was going to open up and tell him s**t?? I'm the type of person that's been ******** over a lot--moron boyfriends that lasted for 4 months at the most, best friends that backstabs me--so I'm not one to open up very easily. Still, as naive as I was, I eventually told Buddy that I liked Dude. I didn't just tell him directly. It took me a while for him to get it out of me. But after a while he found out from my hesitating to tell him that I did like Dude.
Ever since then, Dude had been flirting with me hell of a lot more. Even at work he would ******** do that (only when there werent very many people around). This all continued up until one night when we were working till closing together that he finally asked me out. I begin to realize--hey, this guy actually likes me. He couldn't possibly mean any harm to me... So I crawled out of my shell and said yes. What was funny was that I could vividly remember, from that exact moment, that he told me that he would last longer than four months.
Since then, he started acting funny... After that fateful night, we didn't see each other for two more days. On the third day, we worked with each other. That was when I noticed he was acting really weird. He would talk to his friends more than me and when I would be around, he would barely talk... and if he did, he would stutter every time. My thoughts? Aww, he's nervous.. How cute... I mean, it makes sense. If you read my last post, I described him as a video game junkie who's really into Transformers. Is it just me or does the stereotype automatically click in that he's not very experienced with girls? I was told that he only had one girlfriend, so the really nervous s**t made a whole lotta sense. I decided to let it go and be patient until his emotions wore off.
Then he finally started talking to me about his nervousness. He told me that he's nervous because he just got out of a three year relationship (holy jesus) and that just several months ago it ended, so it was weird for him to be in another relationship again. I tried to understand because I've never been in a long-term relationship before. Like I said, I have bad luck with guys.
One day, we saw each other. And we had our first kiss. I guess he seemed alright cuz he kissed me more than once. And it was pretty ******** amazing, I'm not going to lie. I thought it was cool. And, based on his actions, he seemed to be cool, too.
Apparently he wasn't. He called me the next day saying that the kiss made his nervousness worse and that he wasn't ready for another relationship. Obviously, that meant he wanted to break up.
My thought?
GOD DAMNIT
Thankfully, we're still friends. I mean, come on, he's a great guy. Why the ******** ruin that with a relationship, right? Doesn't mean I don't like him anymore. Who knows? Maybe he'll get over himself and we'll actually work out? Or I could let go of all my teenage emotions, save myself the disappointment, and hope to God that he turns into a good friend... someone I can actually trust for a change. I might as well go for the friend thing cuz, let's face it, I was either never meant to have a boyfriend (like i'm meant to be a lesbian, but, turns out, I'm just not) or karma is just having too much fun ******** around with me to let me have a loving, healthy relationship with a guy.
I've had people ask me, why the hell do I care so much??? Well, if you've coincidentilly been with assholes for boyfriends each and every time you get a guys attention, it kind of bothers you as to why in the hell you can't keep a boyfriend for longer than four months. Maybe I have a goal. I plan on at least being in one... at least one... successful relationship and not just being okay with feeling like a horrible girlfriend everytime. I know I'm not a bad girl to be with. Maybe, for once, I'd like to know that I've been successful in the dating world. I hate knowing that I'm a failure at something, and I'm just trying to do things right. I realized that I couldn't just keep going for guys of my preferrence (long hair, band shirts, etc) and expand my horizons. I started with Clay (redneck) and ended up with someone who's a huge fanatic of Optimus Prime. I'm trying to find myself and seeing who I should aim for.
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