Its confusing.
Years of carefully shaping the defenses around myself, keeping others at bay to protect me and those important to me. Through trials and troubles managing to keep people at bay, whilst pointing them in the right direction, helping them when they needed yet never allowing my own problems to simmer to the surface, instead they where artfully buried behind a wall of sheer will power. I was determined not to get hurt. Not to hurt others. And in the process...i lost that small level of humanity that allows a person to relate and love. i could pretend to relate, pretend to love with such a flair as to never be picked up that there was nothing but an icy nothingness around me.
I believed love was for others, i trusted that i would be their map when the sought it, always to direct them on their paths, never to tread my own.
I CANT FEEL NOTHING AT ALL!...or so i thought.
Its always an amusing feat when a person not only manages to side step the protective barriers, remove the defensive mask and melt the ice but to pull one from the seeming nothinginess that once exists in to the point where one would try to make this person happy to no end. Even if it involves telling this person to go for another, ignoring the pain inflected to oneself in the process yet doing so for this persons own happiness.
How odd
love is.
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Meh dodgy HH story weee lol
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