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Tiger's little message.
I had this typed out, and lovely, but no... the window closed domokun And I could really cry for it.
This is for one person, really. You know who you are. You can pm me or im me, I don't really care. But I thought you should know how I feel.
No names will be mentioned. I have friends that would hurt you, and I don't want that. I just posted another entry, a happier, normal one, so you can read it if you want.
Anyway, onto the real matter...
I have just one question: Why? That is my question for you. Why? I never did anything but love you, and you find it necessary to lash out and push me away. Why? What did I do?
I have loved you. I have loved you since almost the first time we talked. Yes, you heard me. You knew that though, I know you did. You knew it before I even ever said it. And you said it first, if I recal. It was after you had threatened to leave and never talk to me again, and I accepted it. Then, you said you couldn't take it, and admitted it first. You said you were crying. I believed you. I was too. But that wouldn't be the last time I cried over you...
You said you didn't want to hurt me. Then what do you call this? What do you call it when you said the things you did to try to dissuade my love? I'm not sure if you realized how much that hurt. I have cried too many ******** times, now, today was the last straw. If you don't want me to love you, fine. But believe me, I've tried to convince my heart not to. It won't listen. It still cares for you, that's how deep I am.
I don't need it, I don't. I don't need the s**t you put me through. Everytime I think I'm better, it goes right back down hill. Other people have told me I'm beautiful, that I'm a good person. I don't agree that I'm beautiful. But I try to be a good person. I think you yourself told me that-- that I was beautiful. I believed that too. *sighs* Was I foolish? Did you mean it? Was I stupid to believe you? Please, tell me, because I have no idea anymore. My heart still tells me that you mean it, but I'm beginning to question it.
I stood through it all: All out cycles of peace, disturbance, and making up. I stood through being called 'ignorant,' among other things. And, indeed, maybe I am. I don't know. What did you tell me? That apologies were pointless? Then why did you apologize so much? Did you mean them? Anyway... I stood by you when you chose to be with someone that wasn't me, and even trusted your judgement and liked the girl. I couldn't believe it when I learned she lied to you, and used your depression against you. I didn't know how anyone could do that, especially to you. You have enough s**t, you didn't need that. But I was there. And, although I wan't good with words, I gave you my general opinion.
Maybe it would help to know I have been nothing but honest with you. Every word, every action, came from my heart. I never said one thing I didn't mean. Ever. Now, it says you're offline, and you im'd me about a comment in your Journal, that I could do better than that. But I am not good with words right off the bat. And I could not (still cannot) express what I think in words. I had an idea, what it was about. You and her. And then, I can tell something is wrong. When I ask, you get an attitude! No. No no no. I don't need that. Don't DESERVE that. You tell me you don't want to talk, when YOU started the conversation.
I mentioned before that I loved you. It soon became hard, not to say those words to you, but I wasn't sure if I meant them. I thought I was too young. But I don't think there's an age limit to love, any more. Yes, I loved you. Hell, I still do. I can't make my heart stop. Even though I've come to the descision that you are emotionally abusive.
So, my original question: Why? Why do you act like this? Why do you lash out at people who love you, and get an attitude? Don't tell me you have always been that way. Because you have to have lied at one time. Either you're lying about being an a**, for some reason, or you lied about being the person I fell in love with. Yes, I don't just love you, I am in love with you. That is the only explanation as to why my heart hasn't shattered because of your treatment. So please, why?
*sighs* I had this written so much better *curses computer* I don't know what I expect. Nothing really. But here it is. Enjoy.
To all my friends, I love you all heart
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