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"-Amanda-
We woke up at 3 am this morning! And we could not go back to sleep, so we became Us and then we simply began thinking. About many many things.

We are insecure. We know this. And we are afraid that we may slip into Us when we are getting intimate with Loki and Nyx. We are very afraid that we may do this. And we are afraid that they will not like it. We don't mean to be Us so often, but we are so happy when we are together, and we honestly do not mean to put anybody off. But they must tell us if they do not like it when we talk this way, or we will not know! We need them to tell us what they think so that we know in the future and do not do anything to make them upset with us.
We also think that while Loki Daddy may be very powerful, and we do not know him very well, we would like it very much if he did not take his son on a pilgrimage for inner peace. Inner peace is overrated in our opinion, and honestly, has it ever done anyone any good? 3nodding

We are happy when we think of Freya. She is happy to be our mother figure, and it still makes us smile when we think that she hugged us last night, and told us that it would be okay and It would not get us. We are still so afraid of It, and we know that our family will protect us.

We... we are afraid to see the proof that It is gone. Knowing our big brother, Engel will probably bring its head back for us to see. And we know that we must see its severed head; we want to see it. But we are afraid to see its face again. We must know that it will not hurt us anymore, and we must be secure in the fact that it is safer outside The Body with it dead. We must look at the proof, and even if we become frightened, we know that we will be much happier knowing that It cannot hurt us anymore.

We have also come to an agreement. Even when It is gone, Spirit will still be apprehensive. She knows as well as the rest of us that there is hurt outside. But we have agreed that we need something, and then we will leave The Body.
We must have our Big Brother Frey, of course. Frey loves us, and makes us smile, and will be there for us, and will guide us safely away from The Body.
And we must have our lovers. We must have Loki and Nyx, or we will be too afraid to leave. We need them there, or we refuse to leave. We want to leave so that we can be with everybody, but our lovers are our largest motivation. We also need one more thing... Spirit will feel so much safer with this one thing...
We must have Engel.
Engel is our safety. Engel will protect us no matter what. Engel can do anything, and we think that he simply did not feel like healing the trial damage; he could have if he was in the mood. We do not mean to say that Engel does not care about the family; we simply mean that it was a fluke that he could not heal it. Engel is strong, and Engel will take care of us. Spirit knows this as well as the rest of Us, and those are her terms if we wish to leave The Body. We must have, at the very least, Frey and Loki and Nyx and Engel. But we do not want to bother Engel with such a petty request, and he is busy right now anyway. We do not want to have him feel obligated to do anything that he does not want to. We just need to find a good way to ask him. ._.

We notice that we are so childlike when we are Us. We are open and honest, yes, but our thoughts are so uncomplicated... we are able to think and feel without anything getting in the way. We need to learn to stay as Mind when we are around people, because people will not accept Us. They will think that Us is odd, and they will hurt us. We do not want to be hurt. We must remind ourselves that we must stay Mind when around others.

We love our turtle necklace, Kiyo heart

We must think back to Engel. We love Engel so much. So much more than we can explain. But we do not know how we feel about him, family wise. Because we know how we feel with others. Freya is our mommy. Frey is our big brother. Kiyo is our same-age brother. Spyro is our little brother. Loki and Nyx are the loves of our life. Ai is our twin sister. Yume is our little sister. Chieko is our daughter. Nettie is our same-age sister. Jorg is our Earth Buddy, and close same-age sister. Blitz is our charge; we always want to be sure that Blitz is happy (we still do not know why we want to protect Blitz. But we do, because we love him). Undine is our silly sister. Dokkur is our creepy older brother. Sylph is our slightly older sister. Mana is our much older sister. Brisingr is our twin brother. But Engel is more than our protector. He is our Big Brother; the one that always looks out for us and does not admit that he likes us often enough, and he may be difficult, but we know that he really loves us and so we will always be good to him. He is that kind of brother. Our much-older Brother, we assume. Because we do not think of him as a daddy. He is not our daddy; he is maybe our uncle. But he will always take care of us, and we know this, and we do not know how to describe our relationship with Engel very well. We like thinking of him as our uncle, though. If Freya is our mommy, then that makes sense, doesn't it? We suppose so, but we are not sure. ^_^

Our belly hurts. ._. We woke up at 3 and drank half of a glass of water. But we forgot that if you drink the water without ice, it will make your belly hurt. And we drank it anyway, and our belly is hurting very much now. We tried eating a piece of chocolate to help it feel better, because chocolate always cheers us up, but it did not help. We will have a hot pocket for breakfast once Sun rises and hopefully that will make us feel much better. We cannot have the hot pocket now, however; everyone is asleep, and the microwave is so loud that it would wake up everybody. We do not want that; especially so early in the morning. We want everyone to get lots of sleep, even if we did not. When did we go to sleep...? We think at 10. Which gave us... 5 hours of sleep. Not bad. ^_^

Mind is still having trouble dealing with Us. She wants to be the only Amanda, but she is happy when we are Us. She does not know how to fix her conflicting feelings.

We thought dirty thoughts about Loki and Nyx this morning while Ganon was still sleeping. That way

Deodrie wants to hurt us... Deodire was going to hurt us... *bursts into tears* We were sitting and typing, and we did a subconscious mental scan of everyone, and we saw Deodire moving towards us and his hand was reaching out and we were so frightened and Ganon did not move, only watched because he is awake now *sniffles*"

"-Ganon-
Calm down, Amanda. Split apart; you're more rational that way."

"-Amanda-
But we..."

"-Ganon-
He wasn't going to hurt you. You know that. He was going to put his hand on your shoulder and see what you were typing about."

"-Amanda-
But he did not answer! We asked him several times what Deodire was doing, and he said nothing, and it took him so long to answer!"

"-Ganon-
What would YOU do if you were going over to someone and they suddenly jumped down your throat like that?"

"-Amanda-
...
We are sorry... we do not mean to be so distrusting. We don't mean to. We are very sorry."

"-Deodire-
I understand. It hurt you very badly, and ruined your trust a bit. We all understand when you're jumpy like that."

"-Amanda-
We are still very sorry. ._."

"-Deodire-
It's fine. Finish up what you were typing. I didn't mean to scare you."

"-Amanda-
We... cannot remember our train of thought anymore. sweatdrop "