This is not what I want. This is not what I planned. I do not understand. I've tried so hard. I don't ask much of you. I ask that you not lie to me, I ask that you treat me well. That is it. On the rare occasion that I do ask you to do something for me, you could say "No." I don't understand why you ask so much of me and it is wrong for me to ask some small things of you.
I do everything I can to keep you happy. I've given up on friendships for you. I've given up what I believe in for you. I hurt myself on a regular basis for you. I do everything for you and what do I get in return? Being treated like crap. That's not right. I do so much for you, I do. Everyone sees is. Everyone but you. All you see is the things I do wrong and the mistakes I make.
I bring you stuff. I buy you stuff. I clean for you. I do your work for you. I give you what you want when you want it. What else do you want from me? I keep the promises you make me. I do everything I can and yet, it still does not seem to be enough for you.
You tell me that I mean something to you, but what does that mean? Does that mean I'm just your toy? Does that mean I'm just your friend? Does that mean I'm nothing to you at all? Does that mean I'm everything? What does it mean? What am I to you?
Yeah, I know. "You don't know." You never know. But you need to because this is getting impossible. Now you are treating me like I'm a dog. I can't do this. You never stop to think about how I would feel about you doing something. Ever. It's only ever what you want to do at that moment. You never look further down the line then right now. I can't do that.
I need to know if there is reason for me to put all of what I believe in beside me and if the all this hurt is in vain. You still lie to me. You do talk to her. You do tell her you love her. "I love you too, dear heart." That hurts me because I know and yet, you still won't tell me. Then if you would lie to me about that, after I told you that I needed a very honest answer, what else are you lying to me about?
On top of all of that, you still try to hurt me. You sit there and call me psycho, you call me a b***h and a liar. You call me fat, ugly, stupid...you bring me down everyday. What am I supposed to do?
I don't understand why this is happening. I don't understand why you would want to hurt me the way you are. I don't understand why all of this is happening. It's not what I want. It's not what I planned. It hurts. I'm so scared. I'm back to where I've been.
Disappear.
 MadameEx · Tue Feb 17, 2009 @ 05:32am · 0 Comments |
