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I trudged to my bed effortlessly and night gown tugging behind me like a wedding dress, white, beautiful, and long, "Another day to dream of him, the most wonderful thing I've ever had, the most wonderful experience, most wonderful person...that I lost." I nervously went on the bed on the blue sheets, strangled with my favorite school happy and witty, as I was the sad rag doll still being thrown around by whoever wants to throw me, or specifically be owned by my lost obsession. On my knees finally being able to pull both up, my heart couldn't handle all the guilt that I put everyone through and what I had lost. My slender, fast hand caught me as my head fell in shame, tears streaking down like blood being wasted and soaked through my left hand that held my cascade of brown hair, combined with blonde and red streaks that glittered in the lamp light beside my bed. A thought swept around me, remembering what they said. I look up anxiously, "They might hear me," I thought in caution, my head quickly turned toward the white door in front of me. I listened carefully, my hand moving from my brown, drenched, mud filled eyes, to my mouth, suddenly sealed by ice, vibrating in fear, quivering if they heard me in the next room. All I heard in the next room, was vibration of slow steady breathing, combined with the purr of the black and white cat and slight scratching around the bed. I sighed quietly "Its just Charlie" I whispered to myself, remembering yet another memory of him. "Its just me and you", said his voice in my memory my eyes closed capturing the tears in my eyes, remembering how he would sit next to be, holding me whispering it softly and clearly. I remembered how I would smile in delight, because all I wanted was him and I would suffer through anything to be next to him, be with him. Then my eyes close in surrender to the wonderful thought, imagined him here, when he loved me the way he did kissing my cheek affectionately and holding me closer, how sometimes his breath would linger against my neck. Quietly and sweetly, the sleeping winds swirled around me, instantly putting me in a deep sleep, dreaming of him again. As I was in my fantasy, I was quite angry at myself for falling for this toxic dream world, this place where I never wanted to be anymore, but yet I missed the memories of being with him so much, I couldn't help, but blissfully obey under a trance of my long lost love for him. I walked around, apparently I was in my house. I had been sitting at the computer desk, typing. The black screen appearing with his many messages he would send me when he loved me ever so deeply, or what I thought of love. *Ping* The computer turned on again with the message he just sent, I love you. I fell breathless, I went back up to the computer, "No other guy has told me that and meant it." then, my dreams drifted, I was lying down, holding him as he stroked my hair, each strand his breath above me, his voice telling me softly "If I had magic, everyone would disappear and it would just be me and you together" his eyes just glittering like a thousand diamonds, changing from silver to blue my reflection as I looked into them, happier than happy. The dream winds carried me off his lap to the car his mother would drive, red, the one I always recognized, longing to see it again watching it from a distant store, the car driving into Livonia quickly to pick something up and quickly disappearing into the night faster than light, remembering July 31st when that same car picked me up, black seats that matched the light at ten o'clock at night when he kissed me. The scene shifted yet again, I was in his father's car, a yellow Jeep that would carry me home when my parents wouldn't and remembering his old car he used to have, the red truck that I would go with S.C. to get things his father would forget...then completely different scenery, a purple room, purple walls...purple sheeting. I woke up suddenly, NO!
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