I won't say I need you because I never did
I won't say I trust you because I don't
I won't say I love you because I stopped
I won't say I understand you because I can't
I won't say I knew what kept us together because I can't see it
I can't tell you how much I've thought of you because I haven't
I can't tell you how much I want you because I don't
I can't say I regret it because I never will
I can't trust you because you've given me reasons not to
I can't care for you because I never have
I don't confide in you because you're untrue
I don't rely on you because you never come through
I don't find you irresistable because I took a closer look
I don't know how it lasted that long
I don't recal your face because I don't want to see it
I shouldn't tell you how much it hurts because it dosn't
I shouldn't have gone to such drastic measures
I shouldn't get caught up in you again because it's pointless
I shouldn't go back because it'll happen again
I shouldn't try to push you out of my head because you're already gone
I should've know this would happen
I should've remembered what you did
I should've went with my feelings
I should've ended it sooner
I should've tried harder to hurt you
And in all truth and honesty...
I hate you
There's distance between me and you that shouldn't be there.
Everytime I see you I smile as always,
Without thinking,
Without knowing,
That I didn't really mean it.
This smile that I show to you,
That I show to everyone
Is just an imitation of the real thing.
If you look hard enough into my eyes or even pay attention of the least bit,
You will notice when I'm about to do something I shouldn't
These vines constrict me of my breathing, my life and myself...
I can not move...I can not see...
They're choking me now...never to see the light again
Never to make my own choices...
Trapped...
Always trapped
Surrounded...
Always surrounded
by these vines...they haunt me in my sleep...
They never let me sleep...
But they are your arms...
And in them, I can no longer breathe...
Always surrounded...
Always trapped...
There were 5
My friends are no longer close to me...
One is dating the other, taking another as a supporter
That's 3
Another is not happy with me at the moment
That's 4
My boyfriend isn't as close as he once was
As I feel as though I'm the one driving him away
That's 5
My other, further from me than my once close friends
Never very close however having everyone else so far away
Makes me feel closer to them than ever
There were 5
And now I want them back...
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Tara Stone's Not So Personal Journal
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