myspace blog.
ok so ive blogged about my mother a few times before. juss lettin u viewers know thats what this blog will prolle be about. so. yesterday i had a weird dream and it was rly bad. it was like i was stayin @ a hotel and i seen my sisters and my mother. so i was happy but then i was sad cause she dint want to see me. i mean i hung out wit my sisters but not my momma. and then i was crying in the dream ands thats when i woke up. and it was like 8:30am so i driffted back to sleep. and thats the last i thought about my mom. then @ skool i talkd to Mrs. Virgina about my dream and the holidays. and she told me that the holidays bring out that best and worst of us. and its soo true.. ok so last night i went to sleep @ like 5pm and slept til 9pm. and i had a dream about my dad. i dont rly remember the dream but i know he was in it. so i got up and stayd up til 1. so i was thinking about my momma. I decided that it wasnt far that she wasnt in my life aND i know that ppl love me and care for me but its not enough. i want my mother to call me and to check up on me and juss to call me to say hi. and i kno it works both ways but i cant get up the courage to call her cause im so scared that she will reject me so. i dont. last night @ 1:45 i had an emoational (sp) breakdown. i cried for a good 15mins then @ 2 i cut my arm. not in a bad emo way but bad enough that its visible and it still hurts. i cried so muchh my eyes were red this morning. i just dont understand my mother. i mean im her child to. yeah im not perfect and im not what she would expect me to be but hey i lived in her womb for a good 9 months i was a part of her and she was my everything. even thought i had a horrid childhood but i dont blame her. i know that she had/has problems with our family but u know i wanted her around and i wanted her to be there for me i wanted to come to her with my problems and talk about boys. but since she wasnt there i went to mamaw and nanny. but i still wanted her to be around. even as im crying now it hurts and i cant help that but i want answers and i want them now so idk. ill prolle never do nething about it. even tho ppl are anrgy towards my mum i still love her. i still care for her even tho i cried so muchh and i cut i cant blame her. i still wana have the mother daughter relationship with her. and ill prolle never get that relationship. im happy on the outside cryin on the inside. no body truely understands ; no one gets me. when my friends get in fights with their moms or parents in general im sad for them cause @ least they can get in fights with them. i mean its not like i dont have plenty of people who love and care for me its just i want one person to love me like no one else could. and she prolle does but im not sure. i want a mothers love. i want my sisters and me to hang and have fun. i wanna spend time with them but idk. i guess imma wrap this up so.......
tell me whatja think if ne1 reads my blogs
xXMiChEllE17Xx Community Member 
|
|
