he said i love you
i sneezed and said i’m sorry i am allergic to bull sh**
Constipated people don’t give a crap
When I see an old lady slip and fall on the sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh…
But, then I think, ‘What if there was an ant that was on the sidewalk and she fell on it?’ Makes you think
4 out of 3 people don’t know fractions!
How many of you believe in telekenesis? Raise my hand.
when life gives you lemons make grape juice. The sit back and watch people wonder how you did it
when life gives you lemons…. who the hells life and why is he giving me lemons?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
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