October 30, 2008: Grasshopper Lovers be Warned
I hate bugs.
I really, really do.
So when a huge killer grasshopper was sitting on my mattress today, naturally, I freaked. I had just brought clothes from off the clothesline into my room so I could put them up... I guess I probably should’ve shaken them before putting them on my bed, but it’s never been that big a problem before!
So I’m about to make up my bed, and the next thing I know, a freaking grasshopper was sitting on my bed!! I stared at it staring at me...MENACINGLY! The little b*****d had the nerve to be rocking from side to side, like he was ready for a fight or something! I had to fight my fear that it would jump onto me and I whacked at it with one of my least-favorite pillows.
Unfortunately, it still wasn’t dead, though I could swear up and down I heard a crunch...so, I tried a bunch of “torture” methods for the next half-hour or so, just so it would die: I threw turpentine on it, that liquid Vicks VapoRub that goes into the Vicks humidifier, and hairspray gunk. It finally died. Then I had to take another twenty minutes to pick the thing up without my hands...you have no idea how hard that was. I showed it to my older brother and he was like, “You were yelling and screaming over that?”
Guess what my response was?
Wrong. And shut up. I'll just tell you.
I threw it at his face, and am now proud to say I made my older brother scream. HA! What now you macho mind corrupting, brainwashing, vagabond? HAHAHAHA.
Danzaikura Community Member 
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