Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

The Ballad Of Life And Death
By: Matthew Milliken

Prelude

Day after day with the same feeling,
Day after day feeling the same thing!
Everyday shrouded in vast loneliness,
Everyday submitting to lowliness!
This life is nothing short of a joke,
Everything I love death will have broke.
Everytime i finally receive peace,
Everything I love will soon cease.
All i ever wanted was the love I had,
Being with her1 made me glad.
Now she is gove forever,
Yet I still long for her,
Yet I can't hate her.
All my life I have felt forsaken
And everything I love has been taken.
I hate living in this place,
I hate life, even if i am saved by grace.
Hold onto a final breath,
As I find one last pleasure with death.
Music soothes the demon in me,
A demon, only I can see.
I know what most will say,
It will always be this way,
Until the final day!
If that is true,
Than why should life, I go through?
In my life by my peers I feel hated,
And thoughts of death I have contemplated.
I have learned how cruel life can be,
Even at a place as peaceful as the sea.
I feel there is no place for me here,
I write my words but am unable to hear.
I can find myself easily amused,
However my talents in art I feel I abuse.
I am an outcast and hated by most,
And in my own faults they boast.
I can not change who I am,
Against this wall my spirit is slammed.
I dream about my past mistakes,
And how often my heart breaks!
I hate Going Through Life in a masquerade,
And making people think I have it made.
I stand alone,
I stand as stone.
I hide in the dark shadows of night,
Questioning every decision if it's right!
I don't like to get close to anyone I know,
Because I know their true selves will show.
All I know will stab me in the back in the end,
That is why I smile and like to play pretend.
I act Like I am Happy and glad,
When inside, I am depressed and sad!
I have been like this for a long time,
As long as the bells have chimed!
This will probably be my last work of art,
So I write every word straight from my heart.
My Heart and soul are bleeding from the knife,
If only someone would take my life.
I do what elders tell me to do,
So I do not waste my time to argue.
Life is short I know,
And Innocence, pure as snow!
I think at night what I have done,
I think of the man that I've become.
Yes I know my poem is quite long,
But you must know where you belong.
I am still just beginning,
Only as much as I am sinning!
Some of my words to your mind may allude,
This is the end of my prelude.

Life

What is my life worth?
Could it be it was worth endign at my birth?
If this work of art survives the ages,
I ask forgiveness for writing many pages.
The words I write on this page,
Are common words of my age.
All my life I have been living a lie,
This lie I suffer is enough to make me die.
I suffer in life looking for acceptance,
When in reality all I am to everyone is a pestilence.
I try to act like something I am not,
And hatred is what I wrought!
I have learned all my life you reap what you sow,
So becareful wherever you will go.
As a child I saw my older self in a dream,
Now that I'm older that vision stayed obscene.
This wicked path I have taken,
And righteousness that I've mistaken.
I am always in the way,
Night and day.
I try to help out,
And only shout.
What I do means nothing,
So I sit here brooding.
Why can't I be the same?
Why am I covered in shame?
I want to be like I was before,
Be pure again forever more.
When I try to get close to someone,
I am left alone as if I'm no one.
It doesn't seem anyone cares,
I can tell through their stares.
I am not one to complain,
For my lasting pain.
It's my own problem,
Even if I can't solve them.
Tears are falling as I write this story,
A story that will make history.
If you read this than please don't go,
Down this wicked road.
Listen to me when I say,
Listen to morality every day.
Life may get tough,
But there's jsut not enough.
There is only one thing in this life I wanted more than anything above,
The only thing in this life that I desire and need is love.
This life is so empty without this,
This leson is easy to miss.
It's not all bad,
Even if I am always sad,
I just wish I could go back,
And just fade to black.
Much of this life I have no use,
Because the ones around me I abuse.
I think I am filled with too much hate,
And I jsut can't seem to separate.
Be careful with your actions my friend,
They will mean alot to you in the end.
But is it the end?
or will we start over again?
There is no such thing as as death,
We never truly take a last breath.
Death is not the end, but the beggining.
A beggining never truly has an ending.
Through my eyes I have seen a great deal,
Things that can make the gods kneel.
To is live is to die,
And to die is wonder why.
This is what I have learned,
But nothing, have I earned.
For a life of strife,
Was all I had in life.

Death

You have heard my story,
Now it is time to sleep eternally.
Pray I to you, you shall sleep no more,
Alive am I, nevermore!
If you do not repeat my past,
Your rewards shall be vast.
My ballad is now over,
And i dance with the eternal lover.
I will now take my chance,
And join death in a final dance.
This story is one of my life,
The life ended my the knife.
It is too late for me,
so i write this so you can see,
what will last eternally.
my soul will always live on,
even though my body will be gone.
Now you may wonder as to why i wrote this,
Why i have succomd to empty bliss...
It is because I have found no pleasure,
I have found nothing to treasure.
If there is anything i leave behind,
I want it to echo in time.
I also wrote this to teach you,
That some pain is never through.
I have suffered much pain for my sin,
And so much pain i held with in.
This piece of art is my last,
And yet I fall into the past.
Say a prayer for me,
pray for my soul eternally.
I wish to say goodbye to you,
To finally bid adieu.
I hope we meet again,
For i have learned there is never an end.
There is one thing i have found out,
Is something everyone shouldknow about.
Here the words of my final breath,
Love is more powerful than death.
Do not believe the lies of this land,
Believe the words written by this hand.
Believe the words of an immortal verse,
Or you will soon lie in a herse.
Never let go of a single breath,
This concludes, the ballad of life and death.

Dying man's last words
Take a knife and stab it though your heart
And tear your soul apart
This pain is just too much
The pain is something wicked of such
The pain and agonizing torment,
Is cruel, this sick punishment
The punishment for sins I have committed
And even in the midst of it I refuse to admit it
The pain is so divine,
Strings my soul on a line
Tortures me every waking moment in time,
When it will end, will be so sublime
Soon my time here is through
And yet I have so much left to do
I have but a few years
And I will spend them shedding my tears
But do not weep for me
One day you will see_
My spirit will be set free
And than I will see
That there is no life before death,
As I take my one final breath.
Hear my last words, I love you
And I always do

The divine sacrifice

Through the heart,
we are not apart.
A flame in the night,
by one last sight.
In a world fed by lies,
stretching our hands to the skies.
We stand at this buildings ledge,
so I swear upon this razors edge,
we will go on forever,
and from this life we are severed.
Your eyes disguised in shadows and fears,
with this last breath we will both shed tears.
But that is okay, we will live,
but is it me that you will forgive?
We go through every day alone,
with our true selves not known.
An inquisitive glance,
searching for a chance.
Thus heaven rise,
thus bringing one last sunrise.
When we enter the gates of light,
They do not hear our plight,
so we are shot to the pits of hell,
but heaven doth bid us well.
I can take this punishment,
even everlasting torment,
I dont care what they do,
as long as I am with you.

Somewhere I belong
Here in this lone room.
Awaiting my certain doom.
This pain lurking under me.
A wound so deep that no one can ever see.
How strange I find it that this emptiness,
To me is quite bliss.
I stand here day after day,
The more I hold it in the further I stray.
I am now caught between a decision.
One that will mark my soul with a deep incision.
What is it that I can do to make my emptiness go away?
I sit here now pondering on my decision watching the clock sway.
I want to end it all,
Because when I call,
Nobody is responding at all.
No, that is not true.
Some try to help me through/
However, as they begin to help me,
I don't want them to be.
I hide my sorrow and pain in a mask of joy,
But I can feel it's affect on me and slowly destroy.
What is happening to the life I once knew?
Is my time served in this wretched life through?
I think I know what I want to do,
I want to start over, start anew.
The only one that I actually felt is worth while,
Is separated from me by each mile.
Day by day I stray,
Seeking a different way.
What I once knew is right,
Those morals I want to fight.
I want to isolate myself from everything,
And yet I want to be nothing.
I wish I could leave and never return,
For a moment of silence and peace is what I yearn.
I take out my own emptiness on others by making them miserable.
By fooling myself and them my reason, "just cause I am able."
I want to be left alone and never show my face,
Oh for such a place!
I want to leave to somewhere where I can find my true being,
And write down what it is that I am seeing.
Writing this I feel tears flowing,
But why am I crying?
I feel soon, when I am ready,
I will depart from me.
And I will go to where I long.
And find the place, I truly belong.

She saved me

A life trapped in a cold cell.
My life feeling it's rotting in Hell.
Through this world I can not find peace.
the wickedness tearing at me, piece by piece.
My shallow mind consumed by my own selfish desire,
My soul hurts so much it feels it's on fire.
I have been corrupted by these wicked men,
i have even fallen in love with my sin.
I am so empty,
I am so lonely.
Now my back is against the wall,
And I just want to end it all.
I felt there was nothing left for me.
Death was surely the only thing i could see
Oh emptiness so sublime,
I felt it was finally my time.
Day by day I share my emptiness with no one,
But I still hated being alone,
And yet I loved my loneliness not being shown.
I was going to sever this life away.
I had that desire everyday.
Sometimes I don't want to carry out my desire.
Saying I don't want to, is me being a liar.
Than I found someone, a friend.
Something I have never had before.
The feeling of her I wanted again.
She helps me remember,
Why from this world I want to be delivered
She alone keeps me alive even if she doesn't know .
Do I hate her for taking my plans, no.
Why I am still here, before I wasn't sure.
She taught me a word to live by, future.
She wont know she saved me.
I just hope one day she will see.
If not for her, my soul would be on God's shelf,
But she saved me, saved me from myself.

Shattered red skies

Staring into your cold dark eyes,
driving my life through shattered red skies.
In my heart lies something I missed,
as I remember the first time we kissed.
You where the one in my dreams,
until you tore my soul at the seams.
I lay awake at night thinking of you,
what is it that you wanted me to do?
Stirring down in a divine lie,
all I want to do is say die.
As this tragedy begins to start,
with a cold glass heart,
heaven does bid us apart.
Tonight is the night,
as I burn before dawn's sight,
no longer standing for one last fight,
my vision goes white.
And through shattered red skies,
filled with a world of lies.
Nothing seems real to me anymore.
This is not how I was before.
Through my journey in the middle of my life,
the only thing that blocked me was strife.
With each day of my life I fall,
with this flame I know nothing at all.
Here my words and hearken to them,
do not desire to take part of this wicked realm.
Here I am perpetually lost.
The price of my sins, so great the cost.
The nightmare will last forever,
from this world, I have been severed.
I cut myself now from my worldly ties,
as I awaken, to shattered red skies.



Shatter

I remember when we first met,
and you taught me how to forget.
I came through the worse expirience of my life,
and you saved me from my self righteousse strife.
you met me after my downfall with sarah,
the one who turned my soul into a giga*.
My heart was filled with discontent,
and my soul suffered through torment.
you where the hand that picked me up when i layed in the street,
you where the one that i thought i would never meet.
I was lost in the night,
unable to see the light.
I was about to give my life away,
who would think it would matter anyway?
You saved from my eternal night,
and you taught me what was right.
Even though i hardened my heart,
you took the shell apart.
I gave you everything,
my soul i was bearing.
if i could wish upon a star
i wouldnt change who you are.
but now in my life,
i am filled with strife.
i loved you with all my heart,
and yet we fell apart.
i thought we where meant to be,
i thought i could finally be happy.
but does my heart matter?
since you, my heart, shatter.

Empty
broken and empty inside,
hearing "the dawn breaking tide".
I gave you my life,
You gave me strife.
How could this happen to me?
Wasn't it meant to be?
I remember you like yesterday,
It was only our love that I could say.
I wish things would be different,
I wish we could be repentent.
But instead,
All i am is dead.
it is this you may see,
but know, that you killed me.
I was finally getting my life together,
until my heart, you severed.
and my heart, died forever.
now i am only consumed by hatred and pain,
nothing can clean it, not even the rain.
I was really dpressed
and my feeligns i repressed.
you helped me get myself back on track,
until my heart began to crack.
the thought of loosing you was so dread,
and now my heart is dead.
i hold thoguths of hatred
thoughts of pain in my head.
why couldn't i see,
that you would leave me empty?



Broken

Do you remember back than when we met?
It was cold and raining, everything was wet.
We stood in that long thirty person line.
Than I noticed you and had to make you mine.
Here we are, about four months later.
Now my mind, convincing me not to hate her.
I thought time was nothing for this.
Instead now she's another thing I will miss.
I could go on forever.
But now I guess, the memories of her, I'll have to sever.
I felt better than this before.
I feel any moment she'll walk through that door.
Than I awake.
My body will begin to shake.
The night of the full moon is a curse to me.
Everything I love, it will take from me.
But that is okay.
Theres always another day.
I guess this is just another of life's token.
If I believe this, than why do I feel broken?

Bedtime Rest

On this dark night,
The eagle departs on it's final flight.
As I lay silently in my bed,
I feel so tired I'd wish I would be dead.
I dream on the memories of my scars.
I awaken, staring at the stars.
Shining down on me, is the moon's light.
The night's shadows fill me with fright.
Is this a dream or is it real?
My body too exhausted to even feel.
I can't be here.
At this point of my life, there is nothing there.
This is nothing more than a nightmare.
My heart feels it's about to tear!
I wish I could cry,
For this want I'd always wondered, why?
This could be my final rest.
Even though this Isn't what is best.
In the face of this I can't even shed a tear.
I now depart into the night's air.
The night swallows my soul.
The eternal damage takes it's tole
Let's go and never come back.
I hope my life can stay on track.
I love you but I'm sorry...
But this life wasn't ment for me.

The Darkest Part Of Me

Once again I'm found guilty,
Each time it takes a part of me.
No matter what I make the same mistake,
Slowly, but surly, I'm about to break.
I'm a face framed on the wall,
It seems every time I stand and fall.
Is this what makes my mind so raw?
I'm not going to pretend,
Here I go again.
My anger is now so strong,
To react is still wrong.
I know I have to be stable.
Though sometiems I feel I'm unable.
With this I set my sprit free,
Now I only fear; the dakest part of me.

Tell Me

I wanted to know who you are.
You can see everything about me though my scars.
You can see what kind of person I am.
You can see my life is nothing but a sham.
You know so much about me.
As always you still can't see.
Every tear I shed is for you.
Please, tell me what to do.
Take a look at yourself, what do you see.
This is for you and me.
Don't ever leave this room.
Just wait I'll be there soon.
I don't want you to suffer.
My love, is forever.

Death
It's essence lingers in the air,
Slowly moving through my hair,
Bringing naught but pain and sorrow,
Then fleeing before the light of tomorrow.
In order to fulfill it's only role,
It comes to steal a loved one's soul.
An enemy to life and time,
It catches us like a hook on a line,
Coming as a fatal surprise,
And departing just as the sun will rise.
Unfortunately this will be my final breath,
For this, my friends, is what we know as death.

My love

You make me feel alive, when I feel dead.
You are always in my dreams when I'm in bed.
You make my life new when it is something so dread.
You give me my life back.
You said you would be there.
I can feel your presence in the air.
I must ask myself, "can you for me, always be here".
It is so cold tonight.
Through everyone, for you I will fight.
My soul cries out to you.
On this quest, my mind will see me through.
Forever, and a life time.
Just show me a sign.
Show me love and peace.
Teach me how to love please.
Hear my heart's cry.
Tell me please, "why."
Don't let me go.
Let myself show.
I'm with you.
So your with me too.
So long and goodnight.
My future now burns bright.
Truth is now revealed.
My heart, you now wield.

Balance of Life

Greed, Wrath, Pride, Lust, Envy, Sloth, Gluttony, kills all.
I sit here to write it on this wall.
My life is doomed in exile and imprisonment.
I sit in wait in my search of atonement.
My death can bring no way out.
My life is filled with no peace of mind it is without.
My dreams haunt my sleep.
I need to fill this hole that is so deep.
I will now go to sleep tonight.
Hoping that I finally know what is right.
Can I find my way.
I live to fight another day.

My Emotions

Anger, pride, jealousy, and hate
Subconsciously in an unaware state.
My wrath slowly clouding my mind.
My joy, wanting more time.
My anger enjoying this tormenting nightmare.
This memory, in time I will share.

My Seven Deadly Sins

My wrath consumes my mind.
My pride consumes my soul.
My greed puts me in a bind.
My gluttony eats me whole.
My envy turns my tone.
My lust will break my own.
My sloth could kill me.
My eyes shall see.
This could be my end.
But this is my last chance.
How long will it take to send.
Tonight on this floor I pass a glance.
Is it safe there.
Or am I left with no one here.

Shadow Of Death

Shadows and dust.
Shrouded in lust.
Will this be my last chance at life?
Or is it blocked by my own strife?
Can it be my last sunrise?
Or can life have no such surprise?
This is the last moon.
Will I die soon?

What Is At Stake

Sitting by the lake.
Wondering what is at stake.
How much more can I take?
Leaving me in it's own wake.
Making my body shake.
An ever lasting quake.
Seeing this snake.
Slithering by the rake.
i'm about to break.
now at for my sake,
Tell me what is at stake

The Door

Some people call me crazy;
Some people just don't know me.
Some see me as another face,
Just another trying to find his place.
You can see me and not know what I see.
I tear myself open to be free.
I take this one last fall,
My pride still standing tall.
You take my soul and stab through me.
You can take my life and still not see.
I am not the same as I was before,
I just want to find it in my soul, the door


The End Of My Days

Conquered fears, a life eclipsed.
In my cold dark heart is something I missed.
Hatred growing stronger, causing pain.
My vengeance will spring up again.
Catching lies and souls.
Living in a world of fools.
All my life is in pain and agony.
Sometimes I think,, "the bright side, I'll never see".
All my soul in a vengeful fiery blaze.
I can feel it coming, the end of my days

The Lone Wolf

The wolf howls at the full moon.
The angel of life shall be here soon.
Spring forward a mystery.
Springing forward what is meant to be.
The sunsets, the sun rises.
Can I open my eyes to realize.
As the moon falls on us all.
Our courage must stand tall.
The wolf knows not his own.
All it knows is that this is it's home.
The sand sinks deep.
While the wolf will sleep.

The Nightmare At The Door

On a stormy night at home.
As my blood runs cold.
I feel so alone.
This is the very hurt I sold.
My midnight nightmare is here.
At the door it stays.
It will force me to my greatest fear.
Now the pendulum starts to sway.
This creature in the night.
It will leave at dawns first sight.

.

Shining Future

Midnight tonight i hear the lions roar.
Onto the wings of a falcon i soar.
tonight at midnight.
i ponder what is right.
this is my last night and moon.
it will forever be day soon..
i changed my old ways.
and peirce everyone with my gaze.
now and forever i pledge right now.
i will be he best somehow.
these teaching have ruiined my life.
but my morals i know to remeber them i must strive.
i will find my way to the light.
whilst it shining in my feuture, so bright.