Sheep and Osaka-a story of epic randomness.
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Sheep, woke up in a swamp. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously concerned, Sheep grabbed a potato, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, she realized that her beloved Mikami the stuffed sheep was missing! Immediately she called her former cellmate, Osaka . Sheep had known Osaka for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Osaka was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... annoying. Sheep called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Osaka picked up to a very calm Sheep. Osaka calmly assured her that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet legless puppies usually surreptitiously turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sheep. Why was Osaka trying to distract Sheep? Because she had snuck out from Sheep's with the Mikami the stuffed sheep only six days prior. It was a electric little Mikami the stuffed sheep... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Sheep got back to the subject at hand: her Mikami the stuffed sheep. Osaka yawned. Relunctantly, Osaka invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Mikami the stuffed sheep. Sheep grabbed her canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Osaka realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Mikami the stuffed sheep and she had to do it deftly. She figured that if Sheep took the pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, she had take at least five minutes before Sheep would get there. But if she took the Flying potato ship? Then Osaka would be abundantly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Osaka was interrupted by eleven stupid chinchilla s that were lured by her Mikami the stuffed sheep. Osaka cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she aggressively reached for her potato and aimlessly groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Flying potato ship rolling up. It was Sheep.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so she knew she was running late. With a quick leap, Sheep was out of the Flying potato ship and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Osaka 's front door. Meanwhile inside, Osaka was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Mikami the stuffed sheep into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Osaka was concerned but at least the Mikami the stuffed sheep was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Osaka explosively purred. With a quick push, Sheep opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless spite-toting jerk in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Osaka assured her. Sheep took a seat excruciatingly close to where Osaka had hidden the Mikami the stuffed sheep. Osaka cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sheep was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Osaka noticed a dimwitted look on Sheep's face. Sheep slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Osaka felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Sheep asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Mikami the stuffed sheep right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Sheep's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sheep nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Osaka could react, Sheep carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Mikami the stuffed sheep was plainly in view.
Sheep stared at Osaka for what what must've been five minutes. Giggling like schoolgirl, Osaka groped sassily in Sheep's direction, clearly desperate. Sheep grabbed the Mikami the stuffed sheep and bolted for the door. It was locked. Osaka let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sheep,' she rebuked. Osaka always had been a little clueless, so Sheep knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Osaka did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, she gripped her Mikami the stuffed sheep tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Osaka looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sheep. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sheep. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Osaka walked over to the window and looked down. Sheep was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Sheep was struggling to make her way through the imaginery desert behind Osaka 's place. Sheep had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral chinchilla s suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Mikami the stuffed sheep. One by one they latched on to Sheep. Already weakened from her injury, Sheep yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of chinchilla s running off with her Mikami the stuffed sheep.
About ten hours later, Sheep awoke, her fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Sheep did not know where she was. Deep in the mysterious bush, Sheep was scarcely lost. Before anyone could take off their pants, she remembered that her Mikami the stuffed sheep was taken by the chinchilla s. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a oversized chinchilla emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha chinchilla . Sheep opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the chinchilla sunk its teeth into Sheep's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sheep's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.
Less than seven miles away, Osaka was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Mikami the stuffed sheep. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a mighty thrust, she buried it deeply into her taint. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sheep... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Mikami the stuffed sheep that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant chinchilla s, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Story generated using the Randumbness-Random Story Generator linked!
It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Sheep, woke up in a swamp. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously concerned, Sheep grabbed a potato, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, she realized that her beloved Mikami the stuffed sheep was missing! Immediately she called her former cellmate, Osaka . Sheep had known Osaka for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Osaka was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... annoying. Sheep called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Osaka picked up to a very calm Sheep. Osaka calmly assured her that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet legless puppies usually surreptitiously turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Sheep. Why was Osaka trying to distract Sheep? Because she had snuck out from Sheep's with the Mikami the stuffed sheep only six days prior. It was a electric little Mikami the stuffed sheep... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Sheep got back to the subject at hand: her Mikami the stuffed sheep. Osaka yawned. Relunctantly, Osaka invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Mikami the stuffed sheep. Sheep grabbed her canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Osaka realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Mikami the stuffed sheep and she had to do it deftly. She figured that if Sheep took the pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac, she had take at least five minutes before Sheep would get there. But if she took the Flying potato ship? Then Osaka would be abundantly screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Osaka was interrupted by eleven stupid chinchilla s that were lured by her Mikami the stuffed sheep. Osaka cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she aggressively reached for her potato and aimlessly groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Flying potato ship rolling up. It was Sheep.
----o0o----
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so she knew she was running late. With a quick leap, Sheep was out of the Flying potato ship and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Osaka 's front door. Meanwhile inside, Osaka was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Mikami the stuffed sheep into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her giraffe. Osaka was concerned but at least the Mikami the stuffed sheep was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Osaka explosively purred. With a quick push, Sheep opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless spite-toting jerk in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Osaka assured her. Sheep took a seat excruciatingly close to where Osaka had hidden the Mikami the stuffed sheep. Osaka cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Sheep was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Osaka noticed a dimwitted look on Sheep's face. Sheep slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Osaka felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Sheep asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Mikami the stuffed sheep right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Sheep's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sheep nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Osaka could react, Sheep carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Mikami the stuffed sheep was plainly in view.
Sheep stared at Osaka for what what must've been five minutes. Giggling like schoolgirl, Osaka groped sassily in Sheep's direction, clearly desperate. Sheep grabbed the Mikami the stuffed sheep and bolted for the door. It was locked. Osaka let out a flamboyant chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sheep,' she rebuked. Osaka always had been a little clueless, so Sheep knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Osaka did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, she gripped her Mikami the stuffed sheep tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Osaka looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sheep. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Sheep. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Osaka walked over to the window and looked down. Sheep was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Sheep was struggling to make her way through the imaginery desert behind Osaka 's place. Sheep had severely hurt her taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral chinchilla s suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Mikami the stuffed sheep. One by one they latched on to Sheep. Already weakened from her injury, Sheep yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of chinchilla s running off with her Mikami the stuffed sheep.
About ten hours later, Sheep awoke, her fingernail throbbing. It was dark and Sheep did not know where she was. Deep in the mysterious bush, Sheep was scarcely lost. Before anyone could take off their pants, she remembered that her Mikami the stuffed sheep was taken by the chinchilla s. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a oversized chinchilla emerged from the disease-infested jungle. It was the alpha chinchilla . Sheep opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the chinchilla sunk its teeth into Sheep's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Sheep's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.
Less than seven miles away, Osaka was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Mikami the stuffed sheep. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened potato. With a mighty thrust, she buried it deeply into her taint. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Sheep... wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Mikami the stuffed sheep that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant chinchilla s, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Story generated using the Randumbness-Random Story Generator linked!
