Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You know those times where
you just don't seem to have
it in you to be happy?
Those times where you want to
be happy and share in the
laughter and fun with your friends
but for some reason you just
don't feel you can?
Tis a feeling I feel every now
and then, and it annoyes me.
It causes concern from said
friends (some of them anyways),
and then it makes me feel worse.
This feeling is a nuisance indeed,
and I wish it would just go away.
I want to have fun with my friends,
yet it seems I can't and I know not why.
It sometimes seems that I just
wasn't meant for my friends.
That they would be better off
without me so that they may enjoy
themselves and not spend their time
worrying about my state of mind.
I seem to feel this often,
but most often when we actually go
somehwere to hang out.
I seem to think that it would be better if I
hung back and just let them
continue their jokes about me.
Let them have fun with each other,
since they seem to click better
without me being there.
I don't mind however, as it means
they are happy together,
without me tagging along and
being the nuisance that I am.
I never really understood why I do
this to myself, and let myself get
isolated from them all.
I oft wonder how they see me,
in their true eyes, not just
as they tell me.
If they see me as the simple
annoying idiot that I am,
who just happenesto like
manga, and thus, supposedly
fits in with the group.
Sigh... alas, I don't think
this will change any time soon,
and with that, I go and dwell on my
thoughts, just as I usually do
when I choose to stay back.