This was just a small short story we were asked to start writing on the first day of our second semester. So basicly.. we had four topics to choose from.. I was in one of my.... tired moods.. Which I just happen to come into when I am tired and flourish in my art aspects at random times.. I made four compleltly diffrent narrative essays's right away, getting an 'amazing, they all sound great' from the teacher. Last night I wrote the rough draft on my laptop and showed it to her. Out of our 1-6 point markign sheet, 6 being the highest. According to the teacher, I got a 5 gauranteed, and probobly 6 for it. I was kinda surprised because I couldnt rememebr what I wrote. This is the criteria for a 6.
The six paper is superior and may draw upon any number of factors, such as maturity of style, depth of discussion, effectivness of argument, use of literary and/or rhetorical devices, sophistication of wit, or quality of imagination. This composition exhibits an effective writing style and a sophisticated use of language. Despite its clarity and precision, this paper need not be error free.
Here is my essay, A short, narrative essay using the comon 5 paraghraph standard such as Thesis and intro, 3 supporting paragraphs, and a closing paragraph. Tell me if its good.
~We learn the most from those closest to us~
“Hhhmmm.. I wonder, if I learned this habit from Mom and Dad?’ He said to himself as he stared off into the swirling brown sea of coffee in his hand, the steam billowing out, warming the smile on his face. He just chuckled heartily as he brought the cup to his mouth, trying to get his coffee fix for the morning in order to feel ready for the day. An echoing ringing caught his ear, halfway through his drink, making him pause with the cup to his mouth as he glanced at the phone slowly. He walked over to it finishing off his sip, taking his new cordless phone in hand.
“Hello? You’ve got Isaac.” he said with a bright morning smile as he took another sip. of his coffee. “Good.. Morning? Your awake?” A familiar voice rang across the phone, an obvious tone of surprise and confusion lined within her words. “MOm? Why are you phoning here so early?” Isaac mumbled over the phone and through the wire with a small chuckle as he glanced around the small apartment that he and his mom were paying for. He just chuckled again. “I phoned... to wake you up...” she said again with the same tone of confusion. He just laughed as he slowly put the coffee cup down to talk and make sure he didn’t spill it. “ Heh heh.. You and dad grew me out of that remember.” he said with a smirk as he glanced out the clear window, quiet shadowed street’s filled the view along with a red glow on the pavement. He could still remember waking every morning to alight shaking at his arm, waking to see his dad’s smile. He could remember him waking him up and dragging him to the table while he made a pot of coffee, and hot chocolate for him. The scent of the freshly crushed beans and the glisten of sunlight reflecting through the coffee pot, putting the color’s in disarray, making a rainbow on the table on odd times. He was always his best and ready for school. He slowly started focusing again as he realized his mother was still talking, shaking his head nervously as he grabbed his coffee again, heading towards the Kitchen.
“ -And anyway’s, how are you eating? Chips and Pepsi for breakfast right? Ha ha ha!” His mother continued in, as he just caught the ending gist of it. He just smirked, realizing that he had came in just in time. “Eh heh.. Err, No. I actually just ate an apple and I’m having my coffee, Plus, I’m dieting.” He said with a smirk at how little she knew him now. His memories continued again as he flash backed back to his dad and him at the table in the morning. His memories continued playing from where he left off, back to smells of hot chocolate and coffee beans sitting with his dad. He remembered his dad walking away and making a bowl of cereal for him before sitting down across from him. He always had the same warming smile as he asked about his day before work. He always told him about everything over his cereal, eating snacks later He remembered how his mom forced him to eat healthy, thinking he only ate junk.. He still wanted to keep healthy even after high school so he started eating, making his dad do it too to stay healthy for sure. His parents always made sure they showed healthy around him. He snapped out of his daydream again before glancing around. He was leaning against his cupboard.
He slowly leaned off as he started to walk around the house, glancing around, picking up the remote from the floor. “So, Your doing so good.. Are you at least cleaning up.? Doing chores..?” His mom asked again, a bit more cheery. He just smirked as he placed the remote control back in it’s holder on the side of the couch. “I have the whole place cleaner than your van!” he said with a small chuckle as he walked into his bedroom still day dreaming. He could remember cleaning the living room and sweeping the messes he made off the floor. He could remember his mom yelling at him to clean his room for when he got a girlfriend. his girlfriend, Sayuma laying in the bed still sleeping, a small grin on her face. He smirked as he walked out of his otherwise clean room, closing the door. He slowly glanced around, his now spacious feeling apartment. It was always clean while he was around, especially since he had to impress friends and since he was used to the chores any ways and annoyed with nothing to do. He laughed again realizing that he was turning out to be his parent’s any ways. He walked over to the large standing window in the living room and stared out at the street again.
Color’s of deep red and orange hue filled the street’s as cars started to drive by as the city started to glimmer with life like a water drop reflecting the sun. Shadow people ran across the light bridges, becomming human again and leaving behind the darkness of the city, a glow on their skin. He smirked as he tuned back into the phone call. “Hello? H-hunny..? Are you still there..?” his mom echoed through the phone. He just laughed again as he rubbed his brow with humor. “I am still here.. Remember when I complained about cleaning my room.. Eh heh, you were right... Hey... Mom, Thanks, Not just for college and the apartment.. But... For everything you did... All, the little thing’s... Thanks. You’ve raised a great kid.” he said with a smirk as he leaned on the window, closing his eyes and smiling. He could still imagine them both waving bye to him as he moved away, the wind blowing through them, whipping his mothers hair around, watching as they floated further away form him. He was still standing in the silence. “Thank you.. Heh.. You’ve turned out great... Don’t turn into your dad.. He is getting lazy..” His more retorted back, a sound of sobbing filling over her with a small hint of humor overlapping it, trying to cover it up. “Eh.. mom.. I have to go.. I have something to take care of.. Love you lots..” he mumbled out silently as he clicked the phone off, the door to his room opening, a smirk raising on his face. A slender white arm reached out only as the hand pointed towards him, a delicate finger motioning and teasing him to come to the room.
The six paper is superior and may draw upon any number of factors, such as maturity of style, depth of discussion, effectivness of argument, use of literary and/or rhetorical devices, sophistication of wit, or quality of imagination. This composition exhibits an effective writing style and a sophisticated use of language. Despite its clarity and precision, this paper need not be error free.
Here is my essay, A short, narrative essay using the comon 5 paraghraph standard such as Thesis and intro, 3 supporting paragraphs, and a closing paragraph. Tell me if its good.
~We learn the most from those closest to us~
“Hhhmmm.. I wonder, if I learned this habit from Mom and Dad?’ He said to himself as he stared off into the swirling brown sea of coffee in his hand, the steam billowing out, warming the smile on his face. He just chuckled heartily as he brought the cup to his mouth, trying to get his coffee fix for the morning in order to feel ready for the day. An echoing ringing caught his ear, halfway through his drink, making him pause with the cup to his mouth as he glanced at the phone slowly. He walked over to it finishing off his sip, taking his new cordless phone in hand.
“Hello? You’ve got Isaac.” he said with a bright morning smile as he took another sip. of his coffee. “Good.. Morning? Your awake?” A familiar voice rang across the phone, an obvious tone of surprise and confusion lined within her words. “MOm? Why are you phoning here so early?” Isaac mumbled over the phone and through the wire with a small chuckle as he glanced around the small apartment that he and his mom were paying for. He just chuckled again. “I phoned... to wake you up...” she said again with the same tone of confusion. He just laughed as he slowly put the coffee cup down to talk and make sure he didn’t spill it. “ Heh heh.. You and dad grew me out of that remember.” he said with a smirk as he glanced out the clear window, quiet shadowed street’s filled the view along with a red glow on the pavement. He could still remember waking every morning to alight shaking at his arm, waking to see his dad’s smile. He could remember him waking him up and dragging him to the table while he made a pot of coffee, and hot chocolate for him. The scent of the freshly crushed beans and the glisten of sunlight reflecting through the coffee pot, putting the color’s in disarray, making a rainbow on the table on odd times. He was always his best and ready for school. He slowly started focusing again as he realized his mother was still talking, shaking his head nervously as he grabbed his coffee again, heading towards the Kitchen.
“ -And anyway’s, how are you eating? Chips and Pepsi for breakfast right? Ha ha ha!” His mother continued in, as he just caught the ending gist of it. He just smirked, realizing that he had came in just in time. “Eh heh.. Err, No. I actually just ate an apple and I’m having my coffee, Plus, I’m dieting.” He said with a smirk at how little she knew him now. His memories continued again as he flash backed back to his dad and him at the table in the morning. His memories continued playing from where he left off, back to smells of hot chocolate and coffee beans sitting with his dad. He remembered his dad walking away and making a bowl of cereal for him before sitting down across from him. He always had the same warming smile as he asked about his day before work. He always told him about everything over his cereal, eating snacks later He remembered how his mom forced him to eat healthy, thinking he only ate junk.. He still wanted to keep healthy even after high school so he started eating, making his dad do it too to stay healthy for sure. His parents always made sure they showed healthy around him. He snapped out of his daydream again before glancing around. He was leaning against his cupboard.
He slowly leaned off as he started to walk around the house, glancing around, picking up the remote from the floor. “So, Your doing so good.. Are you at least cleaning up.? Doing chores..?” His mom asked again, a bit more cheery. He just smirked as he placed the remote control back in it’s holder on the side of the couch. “I have the whole place cleaner than your van!” he said with a small chuckle as he walked into his bedroom still day dreaming. He could remember cleaning the living room and sweeping the messes he made off the floor. He could remember his mom yelling at him to clean his room for when he got a girlfriend. his girlfriend, Sayuma laying in the bed still sleeping, a small grin on her face. He smirked as he walked out of his otherwise clean room, closing the door. He slowly glanced around, his now spacious feeling apartment. It was always clean while he was around, especially since he had to impress friends and since he was used to the chores any ways and annoyed with nothing to do. He laughed again realizing that he was turning out to be his parent’s any ways. He walked over to the large standing window in the living room and stared out at the street again.
Color’s of deep red and orange hue filled the street’s as cars started to drive by as the city started to glimmer with life like a water drop reflecting the sun. Shadow people ran across the light bridges, becomming human again and leaving behind the darkness of the city, a glow on their skin. He smirked as he tuned back into the phone call. “Hello? H-hunny..? Are you still there..?” his mom echoed through the phone. He just laughed again as he rubbed his brow with humor. “I am still here.. Remember when I complained about cleaning my room.. Eh heh, you were right... Hey... Mom, Thanks, Not just for college and the apartment.. But... For everything you did... All, the little thing’s... Thanks. You’ve raised a great kid.” he said with a smirk as he leaned on the window, closing his eyes and smiling. He could still imagine them both waving bye to him as he moved away, the wind blowing through them, whipping his mothers hair around, watching as they floated further away form him. He was still standing in the silence. “Thank you.. Heh.. You’ve turned out great... Don’t turn into your dad.. He is getting lazy..” His more retorted back, a sound of sobbing filling over her with a small hint of humor overlapping it, trying to cover it up. “Eh.. mom.. I have to go.. I have something to take care of.. Love you lots..” he mumbled out silently as he clicked the phone off, the door to his room opening, a smirk raising on his face. A slender white arm reached out only as the hand pointed towards him, a delicate finger motioning and teasing him to come to the room.
