Everything seems to start with one person.
This one person is named
Hara
This one person is named
Hara
Chapter one: The Lonely War
I wonder if that girl has any friends? She’s always hanging out alone.
“Hay Miam? What you looking at?” My so called friend nudges me in my rib with his elbow. I move my torso out of the way before he does it again. “Nothing just thinking.” What do I care? It’s not like I know her or something. “Hay Miam Its that girl. I heard she was actually a he.” He laughed and took a bite out of his sandwich. Some juice from the tomato dripped from the bottom and he moved his face forward to make his sandwich hover over the ground instead of his lap. He looked back at her. I started to drink from my foaming coke. He started talking with his over stuffed mouth. “I mean that would explain a lot right? I mean look at her. I can’t even tell if it’s a girl.” I glance at him. It? I finished off my soda and crunch the can. “I’m pretty sure she is a girl jaan.” The girl was tall almost as tall as me and I’m 6’1. I always sit behind her in English class and sometimes during lunch we would stand next to each other. I mean the girl was a total Amazonian. Her skin was dark yet it was light, like diet coke foam. Her shoulders broad, legs and torso long and lean, but thick. Its not like she wasn’t attractive its just most of guys tend to go to the shorties with curves. Plus she could probably punch a hole in one of our faces. Yah she’s just that strong. Jaan shoved the rest of his bought lunch into a ball. “2 point for home eh?” He tossed it towards the garbage and missed. “Darn the villains win again.” He laughs and stands up, stretching. I think about standing up after him but I feel too lazy. Then I look up smelling something glorious. “You smell that?” I ask jaan. He takes a deep breath and sighs. “Smells like Italian food. Whoever’s meal that is I’m so jealous.” Then she walks by the smell following after her. The same girl we were talking about. She walks right past us towards jaan’s fallen trash. Her foot kicks it lightly before picking it up and throwing it away. We just watch her. She looks back at us and smiles. It wasn’t one of those forced smiles strangers make at one another. It was a ‘Long time no see’ smile. With out meaning to a second thought about her comes. She’s always helping people out yet she has no friends? Does she want to be alone? I guess. What’s the point of making friends if you move every year. The bell rings and we stand up making our way to class. As I sit behind her I see her playing with the ends of her hair. Not the same way other girls do twirling it in their fingers. She was grinding it as it to be… Cooking. She does always seem to smell like some type of food. The teacher stands up and says he liked all our work, poems, songs, etc for how we felt about something and yada, yada, yada. He picked up a piece of paper and walked toward her. “Hara would you read your piece please? I found it very fascinating.” She looked up and him then her paper and grabbed it from him, almost snatching. He held out his hand as if to lead the way to the front of the class, but she didn’t move. I watched the back of her head as she scratched the back of her head hanging it low. She started reading from the paper.
Why can’t I be a butterfly?
The caterpillars dream to fly.
Ill spread my wings and glide around.
My feet on petals, honey drowned.
When I see the open sky,
I wana spread some wings and fly.
But I’m stick inside this same cocoon.
This same old wound, sticky glue.
I dream about busting away.
And air drying my wings off.
Beautiful wings, colorful dye.
To fly upon the rainbow’s slide
Butterfly.
Ill spread your wings and fly.
The caterpillars dream to fly.
Ill spread my wings and glide around.
My feet on petals, honey drowned.
When I see the open sky,
I wana spread some wings and fly.
But I’m stick inside this same cocoon.
This same old wound, sticky glue.
I dream about busting away.
And air drying my wings off.
Beautiful wings, colorful dye.
To fly upon the rainbow’s slide
Butterfly.
Ill spread your wings and fly.
After class we all make our way to the door some girls walked up to hara and told her they liked her poem. She smiled and nodded a thanks. She got up and I walked past her towards the door. She stopped as I walked past and started coughing. I continued walking towards the door thinking I might go grab something to eat with jaan. I still heard her coughing out of the corner of my ear but didn’t really notice. “Hay you ok hara?” I hear a girl say and I turn around to see her crouching on the ground coughing so much she didn’t have a change to breathe. Some kids crowd around her. “Lets take her to the nurse!” “Hay malko help me take her.” Some girls try to help her up and a couple of guys grabbed her arm. I push my way threw the crowd and bend down next to her. “Don’t touch her.” I glare at them as I help her stand up and they let her go. She was still coughing when we got to the nurse and I waited as she got the help she needed. What am I doing? The nurse came out to me after a while and told me she’d be alright. That it was just a minor attack. Hara walks out afterwards towards me. She smiled again. That same one she did every time we meet see each other. “Thanks for helping me.” She says looking down at me. Her voice was husky yet soft like a mother. “It was nothing.” I say while pushing myself off the chair. She looks to the ground. I can tell she feels a bit awkward. I look out the window behind us. “It’s almost as if you like me miam.” She laughs shortly, her voice is shaking I can tell. “Just kidding.” She sounds normal this time. I look at the little people below leaving school. “yeah…” My lips say. “what?” she didn’t hear me. My heart pounds. “That probably what it is.” I turn back towards her and look her in her eyes. Her eyes are the color of coke.
Just when I had decided to give up I was the one who first began to notice you hara.
6 months later we walk home from school. Before we pass threw the gates she asked me “What’s your favorite food miam?” I look over to her. I love the way her hair bounces when she walks. “I don’t know.” She smiles and shakes her head as if to laugh. “Come on. There has to be something you like.” I smile and reply. “Tomatoes.” She playfully glares. “You said that to annoy me. You know I hate tomatoes.” I chuckle and jaan comes up to us. “Hay guys. Where you going? I was thinking we could catch a movie.” Hara pouts. “I would go but I have a doctor’s appointment.” Jaan pats her on her shoulder. “Well maybe another time.” Jaan walks away down his street without saying good bye. He was a bit weird when hara first started hanging out with us but now that he’s gotten to know her he’s thinks she is the queen of England. Now that I’ve gotten to know her better she’s become even more beautiful. Her skin glows and her eyes shatter the darkness. “So.” She turns back to our previous convo. “What about your favorite foods?” I put my hands in my pocket. “Why do you want to know?” she puts her arm around my shoulders like a pal would. “Because I wana make it for you for lunch tomorrow.” I sigh. “I don’t know.” She gets a serious look on her face and takes her hand off me. “Why… Why did you choose me?” I stop walking. “dunno.” She looks at the ground. “I can’t take it any more. I…I’m always scared miam. Everyday. That you might want me to leave or that something bad is going to happen. That I’m going to leave. You never seem anxious. I mean even now you stand there and look totally calm. I was really happy when I found out you didn’t hate me, because for a while I thought you did, but…” she stopped and looked down her street. “I’m guna walk home alone.” She started walking and I stood there like a jerk and watched her.
You know what hara? What you said about me not being anxious and being calm, that’s what I always thought about you. I don’t have the confidence to claim you as mine. Pouting, laughing, running, crying. I wish I could be more like you hara. But all I can do is just nod my head in agreement. To be honest is really hard for me.
The next day I pick up the phone in the living room. “Hello?” She replies. “Do you still like me Miam?” I don’t answer. “Miam do you still like me?” I still don’t reply and I hear a knock on the door. I take the phone with me as I make my way to the door. “I’m sorry about yesterday.” She tells me before I open the door. I open the door to her beautiful face standing on my porch, cell phone to her ear. I take the phone off my ear without hanging it up. “Yeah.” We sit on my couch facing each other. I lean forward and rest my forehead on her collarbone. “So you have another appointment?” she places her hand on my head and pets me. “Yeah later today.” I close my eyes and smell her. She smells like peach cobbler today. “Come to think of it your doctors a woman?” She chuckles “Actually a geezer with a beard. He’s strange.” I reach my hands and lift the hem of her shirt. “Huh what is it?” She stiffens. “Let me see.” I say. Her hand jerks down to mine to stop my action. “You’re kidding right?”
Bluntly I say no. “You’re acting funny miam.” I look up at her. “So how come its ok with the geezer but not with me?” Her thumb lightly yet nervously strokes the side of my hand. Then she removed her hands. I move the edge of her shirt up till it shows only her stomach and belly button. “You know miam.” Her voice started to crack. She was going to cry. I messed up huh? I’m sorry hara. I look up at her and her bottom lip quivered. “Did you know miam? That the little jealousy you show me sometimes makes me so happy I could cry.” I looked back down at her stomach and kissed the coca cola colored, smooth skin above her belly button. You’re always so warm hara. Warm and gentle like the summer’s breeze.
I pulled her shirt back down. “I got something for you.” She sat up strait and leaned forward, wiping the stray tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. I reached into my pocket and pulled out an egg size meteor. “A piece of the sky.” She whispered wide eyed. “It’s a meteor silly.” I stopped a laugh, She smiled. “I know but it fell from the sky.” I placed it in her hand “It belonged to my father. Remember I told you he was obsessed about these things.” She traced it in her hand and turning it over, studying every hole and crack. She looked up at me and smiled. “Ill be in a unknown city, but the same sky.”
2 months later we’re walking home from the movies later at night. We just got done dropping jaan off and we stand in front of her porch. “Looks like it might rain.” She says looking to the sky. “Yeah? Well see you tomorrow hara.” She smiles back at me but it’s not the same smile. It’s different like she forgot her old smile. Later this night I call her 2 in the morning. She answers her voice in its pale huskiness. “Miam?” she breathes. “I’m sorry where you sleeping? I just felt like calling you” I say almost a whisper. “It’s alright.” Her voice a bit more awake. I want to see you hara. Stay near me please. I want to go somewhere. Don’t leave me ever. “I just… no its nothing. I’m sorry I bothered you.” I could hear her breathing. “Wana come over?” she asks me so smoothly. “Your dad.” I press the phone closer to my cheek, so close I could leave the imprint of the buttons on my face. “Then Ill come over there… come get me?” I smiled threw the phone. “Ill come get you.” “Okay.”
Come with me hara. Come with me somewhere.
I start unlocking the door quietly so my mom doesn’t hear. Hara giggles “Were like burglars or something.” I raised my fingers to my lips to shush her. She placed her hands over her mouth to stop from laughing. “Are you awake?” I sighed I’m glad you’re here hara. So glad…
Creeping up the stairs and going into my room. We sat on my bed face to face as we always do. And as I always do I laid my head on her collarbone breathing in her cooking. Fruit.
I hear her deep breath and I look up to see her lightly falling asleep. Hara. Beautiful hara. She gasped and opened her eyes. “I’m sorry miam I must have dozed off there.” She wrapped her arms around my head and hugged me. “Hara, you’re the only one who I feel cares for me.” I could hear her breathing threw the still morning. “I thought about giving up many times. Asking myself what was the point of going after someone who is going to leave but I couldn’t stop myself.” I hugged her, draping my arms around her ribs. “I’m not strong enough. Why is it always just me?” I squint my eyes and pushed my face into her neck. Hara don’t go please… “Now I know why you chose me. The same reason you chose jaan for a friend, because you can see the kindness in people.” I placed my forehead on hers and look in the color of her eyes. Her eyes are the color of coke. “Hara the people you befriend become stronger because of you. It makes me want you all to my self.” She smiled. “Your important to me miam.” “I love you hara.”
The world is over flowing with things I don’t need. When the time comes for me to fly I wana carry you with me hara.
The day before hara left we went to the park. “Hay miam look. A butterfly.” She pointed to the sky. My eyes followed her gaze. “See it?” I squeeze her hand. “Yeah I see it.” She turned towards me and smiled. “One day well become butterflies miam and we’ll fly away.”
This world is over flowing with useless sounds, but I hear countless words that are meant for me.
