Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It wasn't right...

It wasn't RIGHT!

I didn't love him...not him...NEVER him...I was lying to myself and everyone else because...

...because this whole time...I've loved one person...

And that's the only person I belong with...the only person I can think about...

...I left him alone...betrayed him...hurt him...and I hate myself for that...can't live with myself because of that...so I sleep when I can't...because maybe he'd be angry if I left him alone in the world but...if he goes...if he's gone...I'll go absolutely insane...

Nothing I did in the past seven months was right.

Nothing I did in the past three years, for the most part, was right.

I'm such a jerk for...for doing what I've done... What have I done? I often ask myself that...and I wish I could take all the bad stuff away...I regret so much...but there's nothing I can do but...try with all my heart and soul to show him that I love him...to try and take care of him...to do nothing but right things from now on.

I've learned so much from my mistakes, but it is so unfortunate that it took mistakes to teach me, when he was there the whole time...trying to warn me, trying to protect me...because he loved me...

And I didn't listen...I was a fool, but I know better now.

But that doesn't mean...anything...if he goes away.....

Even so...I will try 'til my last breath to show him...to help him...because I don't think anyone else could...

And not only that, but I couldn't survive without him. I'm bonded to him. Completely.

Regardless of my mistakes...I'm his, I always have been deep inside... I'm his, completely. All his...

I love him so much...I need him...want him...

I have to try......