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BIG writing Called Lost days!
as i sit in your lap up in the tree i see our faces up there smiling down on us as never before we are closer then we;ve ever been, eskimo kissing each other every night holds us there in time to keep the memories flowing, having your strong and couraging arms around me holds me close to your heart knowing each day brings us closer. looking up at the stars is your remembering of me in your arms each night. i want you to hold me and never let me leave your embrace. i only want you. wanting to stay imprisoned in your arms for all of the eternity of life. dont let me ever leave your side without letting my hand go. turning away is like holding me against a wall crushing my lungs until im gone. comfort coming from you is having you near me and holding your beloved one in your arms. i fall asleep in your lap up there in the tree knowing im safe and wont be touched by anyone disturbing my soul thats with my one. As I walked away from him i could see tears strolling down his cheeks. he sat there holding his knees, I quickened my pace. he was being torn up inside. I wanted to run back. I looked down and him and he looked up, sitting next to him he put his arms around me, i looked at his teary eyes and face knowing he never wants me to leave him I was his teddy bear when he was mad, upset, or frightened like when a child had its comforting from its obeject. He held me like a mother holds her hurt child. I was the child he was holding the comfort he always wants to keep with him. I looked into his teary blue eyes with my own tears falling rocking him in my arms i like i always do keeping our tears falling quietly he spoke dont leave me please you tear my whole spirit and body part when you depart from me. Instincts broken he whispered quietly Dont leave me. no one wants me, i sit alone and let my soul drip away out of my body, no one can grasp it or grab it my soul is gone. they dont care they just let it slip away with me, they dont see me here standing there no one wants me where am i to be in this world please help me want me find my place i have slipped away to nowhere nothing is what they want keeping to myself is a burden hurting i have left the world without anyone noticing i have been gone my time stopped in its tracks keeping me in it without wanting to let me go its comforting keep me here dont let me wake up knowing im not wanted leave me stranded hugging my time in not wanting areas. im running in darkness and screaming just leave me alone
torment comes my way without fail and sees that im hidden alone in darkness
somethings caving in my body what i dont know is that im alone finding myself being eatin by darkness
i scream for help but nothing coming my way is helping
i scream and and scream until i feel the dark hands on my body trying to tear my body to pieces
my screaming goes dead silent and nothing will come to help
i let the hands tear me apart and hopelessy stand there i sit there holding my hands on my head
part of me doesnt know whats going on the other part wants to know
im torn in half the other is nothing to be he pain wont go away i cry wishing i could just vanish
i feel my hands move to my throat and tighten then drop my feelings go towards the ground
its not better not gonna go anywhere just gone. just leave me in my broken mind and soul i want to stay torn into pieces i dont want to be mended or fixed. just keep going and dont keep your heart going just stop dont fix leave it be. you cant fix me dont try to. my mind blank and confused dont touch me dont just please dont. i lie there dead with no feeling going to die want to die. cant be mended nothing will. let me be in my tracks where i am leave me. broken tears falling from my face keep coming in years and days nothing stops the tears from falling hands shaking. she curls up in a ball and stays like that her whole life not wanting to face the real world. my worlds spiraling down into the ground, i see my hands trembling what have i done my life like s**t and nothing but deep darkness. will someone just take my heart out of my body and replace it it with the fears of my life. i made a mistake and that person payed for it. im watching my tears come from my eyes that wept all year. i broke the heart of someone and now its ruined nothing will fix it im hated by this person who wont ever forgive me for my mistake i did he hates me got drunk over me and now look i have ruined my life. its lost nothing will be the same between that person i walk with my head lowered towards a corner wanting to kill myself as i see my hands shake and my tears dripping all over them. once now is a torn down person inside of me that wants to be left alone to isolate herself and pay for what she did. I dont exist i was shut out of this world by people from the real world tears keep falling they run down my face not knowing if she will ever be able to exist here or have a life she keep hidden remaining crying for her lifetime. running in the depths of darkness she waits for her death to come. she looks at her hands seeing her life through them seeking no attetntion from the real world she keeps her tight feelings of wishing she was cut off from the world what is there to live for. cut me out of your life dont bother to look at her she see's her fate in her hands more then she can see it through her heart. her soul unforgiving of those who dont see her forever she spends her time looking at her hands. my wounds need time to heal, i sit in the dark not wanting to face the time. i watch it pass but im here and nowhere to run to. i keep my eyes closed wishing i wasnt here anywhere but on earth. i keep to myself in all the ways i possibly can. i keep my tears to myself. i dont let anyone see my hurting side to me. my wishes turn into flames of distrust of the world. nothing will be the same as i see it. in this darkness i wonder what im gonna become a mute a silenced person who had her voice cut off. this person i see goes no where in her life but her silent darkness. i watch his chest rise and fall as he slips away from my hands, they couldnt do anything for him but i knew he didnt have the striking strengths to hold on. i watch that chest fall for the last time in my life. i sigh with anguish and remorse, not knowing if i will ever see this person i once fell in love with his body was buried somewhere in a realm that doesnt seem to exist. my time remaining has fallen short for me sighing doesnt do me any good. i sit in a corner watching my tears drip to the floor i watched him die i couldnt do anything. i failed to try. leave me in my tracks, dont touch me dont come near me. depression has gotten a hold of many things in life, the days turning to grey as i watch things fade away. the life of one who doesnt even know what to do runs down her path of sorrow and hides for her own safety of being hurt in the life of something that can never be. stuck in a world with nothing more then no one being happy is her hell in life she wont ever be able to find something thats her own. the urge growing in my heart to feel his arms around my whole body aches for them. Knowing that somewhere his arms are around another girl sends jolts of horror to my heart. the deepness of things just sank even lower from where they started out to be. sinking into tears, heart torn to shreads Im Lying in heaps of dead souls crying out for the loved ones. My voice wavering each day as it begins to die away, Wind blowing pushes me to the ground with amount of force to keep me down from my path where i must go. how long can i keep myself alive in the world in time. I long for you comforting arms to hold me close never letting those comfortable thoughts leave my body and soul my heart feels mended. you strengthen my weaknesses when im hurt by the faces of love the moon and the stars will always hold your face up there for me my dreams turned into reality for only one and only. seeping through me is the milky way thats how our love is flowing more through out the outter skirts of space tugging and tugging at me i feel my heart torn into pieces when your gone with the wind never settling is where ware today the wind in the tree tops never settling for just one place in our hearts or minds, minds like a field of memories waiting to tell people about or hidden love/ as she lies motionless with no other feeling of life but love taking over mind and soul and her heart not hearing her own life only love. strong bodies holding her against the wall to hold her back from running to him her tears spilling on their hands as they held her back walking her away from his continious face looking at hers with eyes reading her frightened mind for she felt banned from her own loving life after the strong bodies held her backshe tried crying out but strong bodies silence her for she was taken away from her one true lover her memories cf him clung to her and not a day, year, or month went by that she would always be with him. im going soft, my head isnt gonna last long in this world. what makes me tick is caving. soft hearted she accepts his challeging thoughts on getting her to roleplay. a broken soul soon realizes where its fate will be decided to go in what realm will her soul pay the price? how many times am i going to pay the price of having a lost and broken up soul. where am i to be who is it thats soul is being found and lost as many as others were found lying there dead in heaps of their families tears.
More writings to add on
I have always been broken nothing noticed before in me as people could see that fake smile. tears rolling down my face have always been there but not seen invisible tears that havent ever been seen by those who knew my soul and spirit. dark hands holding my face trying to freeze the tears from falling. no one knows why i was broken from the beginning but i see the truth in it. why my reasons for being broken are true and pure without no doubt of who i was born to be or even put into the world of life. broken hands whipe the tears away keeping them frozen there holding my tears of fate. my voice becomes faint whisper like the wind. hiding behind my comfort is someone who doesnt know what her life is like only staying in her dark room without people knowing she is alive or wanting them to know she exists in a time period that is known as life.
Her pain and sorrow has always been dormaint no one remained telling her so. the darkest days come as the sorrow grows through her body. growing distant hearing the other worlds voice she crys for many days of being alone. the darkest shades of her is yet to come for her yet she knows nothing of her life holding the bloodstained hands in her pockets she walks the lonely life that was once there and now gone. they watch her with glaring eyes. I am the tear stained girl.
Failing to keep my spirit and soul alive, learning that I am falling my parents wept for their child being put into a mental hospital for her writings. Hiding dark feelings in the depths of her mind, they ask me what I'm feeling my voice grows quiet and faint they learned I was now a mute. Shaken into fear of where I am is drowning into me like darkness taking ahold of my body pulling me until I can't see the world. Holding my knees wanting him to rescue me from darkness. A broken body, spirit, and soul. The feeling of his touch on my face was no more. Beloved one was sent to a place of forgotten and broken up lives. Dark hands setting me in a corner. Looking I see children like myself huddling together fear striking their faces as they saw it in my own. My darkened frantic soul found its place where I won't be touched seeing a once unhappy child in the real life world coming to a place where dark and dampened children are sharing the same fate as me. Parents crying for their darkened child. Laying in those tears of families I cry knowing I am dark.
She had always wanted to belong ripping this away from her as she learns people look at her differently or never making a place for her. Not caring about the simple things about her life. Others have the attention. Lonely she sits there holding onto her knees with tears falling down her sad stricken face. Knowing she could never be accepted anywhere it wasn't in her faith nor hope to continue on in her life. Falling into desperate dark times she wondered if it was worth more of her life to die halfway on the inside? How can you understand someone when you don't see through their eyes. No one saw through my eyes or even tried to. I wanted to hold on but I lost myself to the dark thoughts and myself drifting into darkness. These dark and lonely days makes me want to belong without the belonging in the real world the only place I sink or swim in is darkness of my thoughts and in my own mind. my voice is gone i they cut my vocal cords so i would become a mute broken wings crushed in the sunlight. hurtling myself into the sun my skin burned to ashes falling into the ground i see my hands full of blood read drops, once a girl of pure nothing is turned into someone who cant hold on just wanting to disappear into the nothingness of life. crushing the hopes of many of those who thought she would live to see the day of tomorrow they were wrong to the bottom of their heart. she was always a death wanting girl hoping to never be born in the lights of her parents, her eyes had the faint blue in them what was there inside her heart was now gone. Dark Eyes ckiyded with hatred as they look at her through the soul living among the people, eyes darkened by fear and fate of a destiny to await her. Sitting at the hands of depression. Running through darkness keeping the binding to the darkness with her soul sealed in the living part of the body. Mind screaming to let her personality free not wanting to be judged by bare souls of people. Feelings trapped inside the heart growing distand and barbaric. Holding onto my knees as my soul drips into tears. Younger children look at me as if I weren't there. Mind breaking to bits and pieces watching their eyes every day. Blank eyes and blank minds bind into one. Looking at my hands I see nothing only a broken up person who wanted to die. Keeping me here is torture and cruel in life that doesn't need to exist. Never learning the purpose of how I came to be or why my parents ever wanted me. No one cold ever want a broken soul or dark eyed looking girl in the world. Holding herself in her own support to the world not needing anyone to be there for me when I have gone away into a different time in life that doesn't include me only the realm of darkness nothingness of what I have mecome is the realm I have lived in and won't come out of.
wandering around for days until i drop to my knees eyes like a red rose that havent closed in days holding my knees in the rain i sit there crying watching the tears fall to the ground along with the rain. i see nothing in life but pain and sorrow. keeping the pain at bay i lay there keeping myself huddled up as if i were somewhere else in this pain of life, i have no pangs to stay alive. keeping the thoughts that fully need to stay away and out of my head. someone is holding my hands to keep me from pulling the trigger in my own mind. she looks at her hands seeing her life through them seeking no attetntion from the real world she keeps her tight feelings of wishing she was cut off from the world what is there to live for. cut me out of your life dont bother to look at her she see's her fate in her hands more then she can see it through her heart. her soul unforgiving of those who dont see her forever she spends her time looking at her hands
walking with my bloodied up hands in my pockets i and my bloodred eyes streaming down my face, bruises along the body comes and going. i stayed like that for hours holding my head down until i was severed into pieces but blood. driving myself on until i fell tumbling away. stripped until i was gone the blood would always remain until they found me laying there with blood everywhere. no one wants me, i sit alone and let my soul drip away out of my body, no one can grasp it or grab it my soul is gone. they dont care they just let it slip away with me, they dont see me here standing there no one wants me where am i to be in this world please help me want me find my place i have slipped away to nowhere nothing is what they want keeping to myself is a burden hurting i have left the world without anyone noticing i have been gone my time stopped in its tracks keeping me in it without wanting to let me go its comforting keep me here dont let me wake up knowing im not wanted leave me stranded hugging my time in not wanting areas. my heart is crying itself out being the fool that i am in life i wont have no way out is just to sit there holding my head with its dangers of reality gripping me until it cages me into it i dont want to hear the depressed voices going on the ruined world keep me here in the safe hands of where i must be in a wilder land that lets you be free from all of it, attatch me to that world and keep me hidden there in the land that stays wild and care free my heart pounds and pounces on the life thats wild and not knowing side. just let me run from problems and keep me there in the running, i am scared of the real world and its dangers. My body shrinks until its gone and to be no where in this life my particle wont last my goals of becoming a great person and life spiraled out of control. i dont belong here nor anywhere i am an outcast that seist to exist. no one will hold my tear stained face or keep me living i just want to vanish wanted to die the first time came into the world of life. when they rolled me into the emergency room i died at there hands i wasnt gonna give up the fight to let them fix my broken body after the accident. that was my fate to die and let me live my life in death for i wasnt gonna go back to a living pit of pitty that everyone was showing to me. my personality died along time ago, can friends and family ever fix what was left of me, where did the time all go, spending it with dark kids is where i have been in the hands of darkness and despair is where i live.
Beautiful brown eyes look at you from a distance you fall into a deeper trance with wondering and wandering eyes, you notice those brown eyes disappearing into the fading depths of night fall. As they disappear you whipser to yourself mysterious eyes bore into my mind. Images bright within depths of memories fulfilled by darker times, no loveable moments. Learning the brown eyed girls thoughts memories was something no one could've ever done. Disappearing into once was known as a dark mind dark days that was once filled with Loveable memories and moments a brown eyed girl.The wind never stopped howling for as long as I could remember. I was the wind that howled and kept flowing through trees. It was as if i was never really there to fully see someone. I like the wind kept flowing to new places and those places were hidden from the human eyes. I am never settling yet to become someone who you nobody knows. I am invisible to you as you would see a ghost. But what lay there may seem like a silk like figure but it has decieved you for it may appear that it has vanished and was no more. I am a mere part of your mind that you don't know is there but some how you trace it with the slight most interest. Does the path choose the walker or the walker the path. she walks her lonely life's path without willing to look back on the happy momenets of life holding herself down as to whome she could never be in life. walking until the road stops blood for tears dropping to the ground. He picks up her fragile body seeing if there is any light in her eyes. they were full of blood red tears as he looks at her sobbing face. holding his girl seeing her looking ill frightens him.
 Reki-34 · Sun Sep 16, 2007 @ 06:52pm · 0 Comments |
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