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He's gone, he's finally gone. I feel guilty also.

He just came up and apologized, walking away saying this was the last time I'd see him.

Have you ever had to feel that hurt?

I mean...the guilt, let me explain what happened:

Last night he came home drunk again. My mom and I got home seconds after he arrived from the bar, and he was extremely happy. So when mom would leave the room, he'd start ordering us around. Well, he told me to go to the pantry and get something, so as I walked, he wa walking up against me. I shoved him away, and when I got to the pantry he started walking away and smacked my a**. I was mortified.

As I said before, I can't stand up to him, and that even applied to that moment. So I went about with my business, and he was still acting like a child. Then I went to get the silverware, and all of the sudden he walks by and pulls down my pants. I was steaming, and I pulled my pants up: a fifty-two year old. With a child it's play, with an old man it's pervertedness.

So I go about my business angrily, trying to get out of any room with him. Those were both firsts that I couldn't defend myself in. So later on I called my best friend, and she called back, and I started crying. Everything was too much.

This morning I told mom in the car, and she was floored. She said she'd talk to him, which I mocked easily. Talking would do no good, has it ever? So I stayed angry the rest of the day, and when I got in the car after school I found something out: she was divorcing him. This time it was final, and I was soooo gladd. I still am, but now I"m sad. so I stayed happy for a long time, till I sat down here. He was gone, and then I heard the garage door open: it was him.

He marched up here, a grim look on his face, and was walking around quietly, till I heard him say something, "I'm sorry for yesterday. Goodbye. This is the last time I'm going to see you," and with that he headed downstairs. I muttered a goodbye, and guilt overflooded me. I hate it when I do that, but it'll go away. It's just hard. Not like anyone will read this anyways, but oh well.