I don't know why either, I mean I have no reason to be sad.....I guess I'm just emotionally unbalanced, which kinda sucks.
I feel like nothing, I mean....when I'm alone....and I just have time to let my mind wander.....I think about things....and I wonder.....I dream.....I hate the fact that my dreams and aspirations are the only things that seem like they aren't a waste of time....like, everything else seems....pointless in a sense.
....I know that.....my dreams won't come true either.....the probability of them becoming a reality is.....heh.....I've probably got a one in ten hundred thousand chance in acheiving my dremas and becoming successful at that. When I thin klike this....and reality begins to creep up on me....I just feel so....desolate and meaningless.....like I'm just wasted space.....I'm sure that somebody who reads this will understand...
This is where someone who is more clever than me at words rights a really beautiful poem....but all I have is one that my good friend wrote for me.....but I edited it a bit....
Fantasies die
Softly weeping in the corners
Is this the place where she fell?
The curtain where a life once stood
In this darkness she searches
Alone and in love
Her eyes rove the place he once stood
She whispers to the silence
“I am right here…”
But no one is listening
And her ears do not deceive her
This silence can kill
She falls to the sky
Where she dies
She was almost safe
And those fantasies
That poisoned her almost dreams
Has swallowed the hope
What’s gone and what’s right
She is left in the clouds
Of what never was
And she holds the fantasies to her heart
Like a tender babe
She whispers to no one
“Fantasies die…”
Heh, sorry for being so damned emo....but I am most definetily feeling like it tonight. Hmm...as long as I am writing this, I might as well vent about a few more personal physical things about myself....now....as you all know, I am in an amazing relationship right now.....I am truely in love....he is obviously the best thing that has ever enterd into my life...
...he expresses his love for me....he shows me he cares....he tells me I'm beautiful...I believe it all....sometimes.....I mean, I know he loves me....I love him back, and I care for him so very very much....but I know....I know I'm not extraordinary like he thinks I am.....maybe I'm just blind....or maybe he is, but when I really think about it....I just can't even begin to fathom like someone like him would want something like me.....he could get whoever he wanted.....yet I happen to be the only thing on his mind. I just don't understand him I guess. I wish.....
......I was a writer, and I lived in a world that I had created.....my world would be beautiful and perfect in every way imaginable....Fantasy and creativity would thrive....and I owuld be.....whatever I wanted to be.....I would sprout angel wings and fly away when I was bored of my perfect world...because we all know that perfection can be boring from time to time......but I know that I would always be able to return to my world....which I had created with my thoughts and words.
Have you ever read a book....and at some point of time in it....felt extremely jealous?? Like, you wished that you were in that position, or that you were the main character rather then the one in the book? I think that all of the time....maybe my head is in the clouds just a little too much....or maybe I'm just a loser who doesn't have much of a life.......I just wish that the life I was living now.....was just......oh never mind, I have no reason to complain anyways.....do I?
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