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well considering theres a max of 4 people who read this...i don't know why im even typeing this and not just telling everyone...oh well....i haven't slept in three days...ever since i seperated from rose...i can't sleep....i feel empty....i wanna kill myself but theres no good in that...so im not going to...(don't freak out thinking im suicidal)...im bored...lonely....depressed...hurt...torn.....dead inside...i was at a happyness level of about 5 when i was with krissy torward the end...after i was at about a 1 then when i met rose i was at a 4 but now...im at an all time low....im around a negative 7 on a scale from one to 10....yeah...im depressed....but i can't do anything about it...because most of it is self inflicted....and im not gonna commit suicide because its too selfish and i know i can help people eventually....and i don't want to punish others for my mistakes....so no dieing for me...i can't seem to find the right way to vent my anger and sadness...ive tried beating a old t.v. into dust...ive cried...what good that did...now ive got a runny nose..ugh....and ive tried thinking and alone time....but nothing works...screw it....i geuss ill have to deal with it...*big fake grin* mrgreen