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This might be kinda long since i tend to have the issue of writing a wee to much, but its late and i can't sleep for the third day in a row now. So here we go i suppose.
At sixteen i looked out my window to the new responciblity of work, driving, and freedom which wall so exciting and i was at the least over joyed, after working for almost a year now sept. 3. I've become a norm to the hustle of every day life. however if at sixteen all these things became such a exstravagent move for my life, i have to wonder with just eight and change short months left, what will eighteen have to hold?
At seventeen where I stand now I finally have gotten over the heart break of not knowing what happened to one i cared so deeply for, though at times during these long nights it still tugs at me that i wasn't good enough. I also have become a much more awake person. Everything that i do now is for a reason, no more fun nights getting drunk or high, life is made for adults once you enter that time period you can't go back.
A rude awakening came a few months ago when my brother, who i have become over all these years, almost like twins with, talked about enlisting in the navy. My heart snapped, the idiot who when he got hurt i said ouch or when i was sad he could always fix it, he was leaving me, and the room next to mine would be empty, we were really growing up, growing older, becoming adults, and did we even get a choice in the matter? No.
If life is meant to throw at you what you can handle then the world is an awful lot for one person to bare is it not, however I think that each person has their own world. in mine, things need to be cold, I am a cold person by nature only made worse by the life i've lead to this point, in mine its working hard, and breathing slowly through the hard spots.
Breathing slowly is something i've found that works utterly well for me, deep breaths, nothing fast, all in the interest of calming myself, before it was for the pain, to hide the tears and the guilt, but now to calm my temper and settle my mind. Everything changes no matter how bad we want it to stay the same.
Its funny i bought my car on the 12th, so just a few days ago, it was my brothers twentith birthday and the only thing i did was drive for three hrs, I got lost, then found, then lost again, sometimes we all just need to be lost i suppose. But i hate to be found.
 Gifted_Waffle · Fri Aug 14, 2009 @ 10:50am · 0 Comments |
