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Second Post when you think TOO much. |
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<center>And yes, here I go again.
Warning! This is all just babbling s**t that I was thinking about! If you want to know that short version just jump down to where the little --- is and read from there!! But if you really want to read the whole thing then read everything the little --- only just tells where I summerize everything again and...write some more...stuff sweatdrop
Moo reporting...
Now what is it about friends in High School? I really can not understand it. There is something about all the clicks that make me wonder. I am in a way part of a click, but what if I was to leave that click? What if I was to try and do something different?
Let me start off with, I'm a high school student, and as of the beginning of this year, I was a nobody, and possibly still am. I, since middle school, have hung around with the same group of people. People in that group over the years have come and gone, and finally shriveled to a measly four. Now, four people in my opinion in enough for a group, but to some people they would wonder. 'A small group of four?' But this was the beginning of this year. As of this point, our group is changing again. I love my three friends dearly, they are good people deep down, but it seems that even though they are kind, and I have grown to love them over the years, that we are very different people.
As the beginning of this school year began to role around I made a plan. I had not talked to my friends the whole summer besides a few phone calls, and possibly one run in that could only have resulted in a three minute chat. This year I was determined to make some new friends. Now, this task of making new friends did not mean I would leave the group, but in ways it sort of did.
After only a few weeks of school I had made a very small handful of new friends. Well, in ways some of them were just acquaintances, but to me they were good enough as friends.
Right now, I'm trying to drift between groups, and I'm attempting to slowly win people over, not with the old image they had of me, but by me now, the girl I'm trying to grow into. As of late I have noticed certain things with friends. Since I have begun my quest, I have slowly drifted away from two of the three people. I used to be closer to them, but lately they seem strangers to me. I can not say if this truly is because of my quest, me personally, or them moving on. For all I know it could just be that I am just perceiving things wrong.
As I said before I love my friends and in a way they mean the world to me, so now I continue, but when is it time to move on?
Some people will say that as you grow, friends come and go. But how can this be true? How can you move on from people you have known for so long? I am trying this feat, but with its own twist. I want to move on but still hang onto the friends I love. This has not always worked for me. Many people will agree that over time you have changed friends in one way or another. I have always gone through different groups of friends over the net. Right now I'm in an amazing group of people on Gaia, which I care for very much. But now as I move in real life, to do something I have avoided forever outside of this make believe world, I struggle with the thought again about my friends.
If I do move, continue with this quest, and if for some reason I am evicted from this group, or for some reason decide to leave, I would have nowhere to go. Everything I have said now boils down to this. As I try this, to be a different person. To move on with my life, to make friends, to hang out on Friday nights, go to football games, have sleepovers, and everything else I should be doing. What would happen if the two people, whom now are in a way drifting from me, decide that they no longer wish to be associated with me? I would not have a group of friends any longer. It has come to my attention as I write this that people need clicks. In a ways they seem like a horrible trap, an odd devise only schemed by the human mind. But as I try this, I note how important they are. To be in one, you must know everyone, in a way; they must acknowledge you and like you to a degree. If you do not have one, you are either a loner, or a drifter. As I try now the life of a drifter, it seems odd. You are friends with people, but only them, not with a group. The people I know do not know each other, they are not friends and trying to do things with more than one of them becomes horribly difficult.
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My point I'm trying somehow to say is; I have a group of friends. But being the person I am, I wanted to go out, and hopefully make the school know me more. I want to leave a mark at this school. I want to achieve in things that only a few could. I want to change people's opinions of me, but I also just want things that normal teenagers should have. I have a group of friends. They are all great people. But we have practically never done anything together, just us, outside of school. That is because we are all very different people. But because I am different and not like them in so many ways, I want to do things with a group. I like to go to football games, but none of my friends now do. We are the same in ways and yet we are so different.
I'm trying a feat that normally I would never do. I want to try and bring people together now, people whom I all associate with, and hopefully make them friends. And somehow I want to keep every friend I have made, and hopefully, find a new meaning to the word friend, and happiness. As homecoming approaches, and I watch groups make friends I continue to long for that type of bond with a group of people.
Finally after all this complete babble on my part, I will say one last thing. I love my friends, but I also so want to do something more. My final thought on this is, when is right to move on, and when is it time to fight for everything?
This is all just my thoughts. I will not break away from these people on my own, and I pray that they do not wish for me to leave. All this is is me longing for something that I find difficult to explain. So for anyone who had read all of this I'm sorry if somehow this makes no sense, because in a way to me, it makes none. Yes I am an odd girl, but all I want is for small things, that take a lot more effort than it would seem.
Song of the day: Ana, We Are [again]
Food of the Day: Root Beer [It is a food!!]
Saying of the day: "Sometimes, when you think too much, your brain leeks out of your ear, and that's just not a good thing."
 Anrui4 · Sun Sep 26, 2004 @ 12:02am · 5 Comments |
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