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What did Flare do in 2006 that she'd never done before?
Oh, boy. Where to begin? Each new year brings new adventures, new experiences. Hell, for that matter, each new week brings a new adventure and with each passing month something new develops. xD But in all seriousness...Many a thing that I will not get into, but some of them involves the new job I got back in February of this past year and all the new things I got to experience because of that. In Gaia related news, I donated more then $100 in one month for sealeds and bought some gift credits for pressies on here and such. I think that, for me, was a major event in this past year: having the money to DO something like that. This job I have keeps me busy as all hell but the pay is...the pay ish good. It takes care of me. Pays the bills, keeps kitty food in the house and makes sure I can get online and every now and again (for without money to pay for said internet connection...), lets me afford something nice for people I care for. That's good enough for me. I really don't require the sun and stars, I just require the freedom to go up and take them for myself if I so choose to.
Did you keep your 2006 New Year resolutions and will you make more for 2007?
No and yes to that one. I kept SOME of my past resolutions and shattered others within the first damn hour of making them. stressed I do very much intend to make 2007 resolutions and I have the strength of will to carry through this year with them; I've started to...open my eyes more, I suppose one could say. I have grown this past year; mentally I have finally started to pull my head out of my a** and grow up. It's been a damn good year for that and it makes me feel good not just about this future year, but life in general.
I have far too many Gaia-related resolutions about getting caught up (who do I NOT owe a PM/post/reply/guild post/RP post/comment/kidney to? xd ) and staying that way. Red is going to get its VC's attention, attention it not only rightly but badly needs. My PMs I will conquer and my journal I intend to do some work on.
And don't get me started on my adventures into CSS Land. My profile's a mess, comments are in need of being returned...
Yeah, there is a lot of work to be done on here. I've already seen so much get done, though, and I know I will get it caught up, it just takes the time and patience to do it. I've slowly learned to stop saying I am sorry with words and show it with actions. There are some I have made greatly unhappy on here by not giving them more of my attention and yes, I am sorry for that, but I am trying to show people it is not anything personal. Like Oz, I do all my work behind the curtain and I do it alone. But I am doing my best to give you magic, and though I flunk at it most of the time, I'll not stop until I get it right.
That is a promise.
Real world resolutions...Too many to name. Besides, talking about all that breaks my rule of not bringing that stuff in here. It basically would involve just getting things back on track, getting things back in control. Gaia and real life does mirror one another at times; it's not just Gaia I lost my hold on. xD
I think I have a resolution on my list to not break any resolutions. I'd have to check the list, though. xD
Did someone close to you give birth?
Not to a baby, no. Well, KINDA. I know a few people that had children this past year- mainly only two that I can think of off the top of my head- but no one close close to me. Unless you count the birth of ideas and new ways of thinking, and then I could go on for hours.
What was the weirdest moment from 2006?
...The entire year.
What countries did you visit?
Wonderland.
...Wait, that was "countries", not worlds.
But it still counts- there are places LIKE countries there.
What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
*Deep breath* That's a good one. More time, for one thing. More time would kick total butt. I wish for more of the ability to make others happy, to help them fulfill their needs so that they can be content. I think I want that more then time, and that says a lot.
What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Candle's birthday because with every passing year I am more and more grateful for her. The anniversary of when I got her from the animal shelter because that day, too, means more to me then I can wish to tell. I love my Candle, and for those of you that remembered her birthday...Wow. You left me in awe. I love you. It said so much to me that some of you cared enough to remember her birthday.
February the second of 2006 was when I got the job I have now. That was a huge change, so that was an important date.
There were other important days, but I'll not bore anyone with them.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Overcoming myself and not stopping with the small victories, but having the tenacity to keep with the bigger things. Not being content to let the world and the bad keep running over me, learning and finally seeing that if I could make so many good things happen in less then five years then how come I can not see all the good that can come about in five more?
Getting the job I have now was a huge damn achievement; I'd tried hard for nearly two years to get hired there and for whatever reason I can not fathom, they finally gave in to my requests and demands in 2006. xD I really don't give up easily on anything I want and I think that finally landing that job...triggered something positive in my head. It was a direct show of when you work hard to get something, you DO get it, no matter what some people say. I still, even after nearly a year of it, kinda can not believe I have it...but I do and I am grateful for it.
The fact it finally dawned on me that if so much good could come in such a relatively short period then that meant only more good things could happen...Now that was an eye-opener. I naturally distrust happiness and tend to be far more weary of it then the bad; this past year, I learned that I needed to stop doing that and just...use all my energy to keep what I have instead of losing sight of the good and only paying attention to the bad. I matured. I grew. That was a huge achievement.
Still, I think it was the fact that I finally started putting my foot down about many of the things that make me unhappy that was my biggest achievement of them all, though I see them as so connected to one another that I could not tell you really which came first and which one gave birth to the next revelation.
And the fact I survived 2006 at all...Now there is an achievement.
What was your biggest failure of 2006?
All the people that I let down, caused hurt, made feel bad, ignored, pushed to the side, not important to me anymore. I hurt so many people this past year; I let down so many more. By far that was the biggest failure of not just 2006, but possibly this entire life.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Actually, no. Knock on wood, so far, so wonderfully good. I am actually far more healthier now in more then one way then I think I have ever been in my life.
What was the best thing you bought?
Anything I was able to buy for others was the best thing I was able to buy. I was able to donate some kitty and puppy food to the Humane Society in this area this past year, which completely rocked; I got Candle from an animal shelter and it breaks my heart the idea of any animal doing without. It's not a physical object I can hold in my hands, but knowing I was able to buy something extra for the kitties and puppies without homes...Well, that is better then anything physical for me.
Whose behavior merited celebration?
Hmmmm, that could take a while to get into. There were a lot of people I was proud of for many a reason and to name them all...Well, I was proud of some of certain people like Van for holding strong through some personal hard times. I was proud of Lost for the same thing; he had some really hard times this past year and yet he grew out of it instead of letting it take him down further. Many of you did that and I was so happy and so proud of you all for it: taking a hard time and growing because of it instead of letting it just pound you.
I am proud of you guys. I am also proud of Asai for putting up with me. I am proud of Shadow Dragon for putting up with the fact that I have changed and that I do not feel the same ways I used to.
I am proud of anyone that carries their head high in this life, and those people I tip my hat to, and I say it is your strength that gives me hope, and an ideal to strive for.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I am past that time in my life when I let other's shitty behavior bring me down. I refuse to be dragged down by others anymore; I had been saying I was going to be doing some serious house cleaning of my relationships even before 2006 but something in me just...grew tired of things in 2006 and decided it was time for action. I meant what I said about this being the year that I would stop being a welcome mat. Though I have had relapses at times and I feel guilty most of the time for things that I logically know I can not change and that I know is not really well and truly my fault, the days of letting people run over me are over.
Remember- I mean what I say and I say what I mean. If I say I care, I care; I do very much care for some people even if I screw up and show it in the wrong way. In my first entry of 2006 I said exactly what I meant and I meant what I said. I've learned who my real friends are. I strived to make positive changes and I still am. Your real friends are the people that understand that; others are just hanging around to get something from you. Something I knew long before even Gaia, but yet I repeat that mistake over and over.
Or rather, I did. But no more.
Where did most of your money go?
Bills and Gaia. xd I take care of real-life stuff and then I treat myself. I think the biggest thing I spent my money on this year that was for pure entertainment (other then here) were books and music, anime and manga. Le shock!
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
THIS.
And just when I was so damn giddy about that that I could not stand myself (nor could others stand my excitement over it), IT. GOT. EVEN. BETTER.
*This is where Flare died of JOY*
Proving to me that good things DO come to those that wait.
What song will always remind you of 2006?
This song was not made in 2006 but it became my personal anthem for a variety of reasons. It perfectly summed up the major revelations I began to have near the end of this past year. It really fits my state of mind about the important decisions I have to make; plus I love the underlining message here. Why wait to take a chance that could make your dreams come true?
Gwen asks a wonderful question- what AM I waiting for?
Compared to this time last year, are you:
*Happier or hardened? BOTH, I am happy to say. I am far happier as each year goes by because I am learning to let less and less bullshit matter and my vision clears more to let me see what really matters. Y'know, all that about being able to see clearly, the rain is gone.
*Thinner or rounder? Thinner.
*Richer or poorer? I am richer in money, true friends, health, and where I am mentally. I am poorer in time spent to do what some would call "idle" things, but I am changing that, because I want to take more control of my time this year, just like I swore to do last year and kinda...fumbled it. But I have to say I think I am far more richer this year.
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Made people happy, made them feel more important to me then I apparently did.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Fail the people that depended on me.
How did you spend Christmas of 2006?
Loving the day off from work, sleeping late, curling up with a good book and loving on my sweet Fuzzy princess. That and hoping the people I sent stuff to received their packages and cards. For the most part I was just hoping that everyone else was having a good day.
Did you fall in love in 2006?
Any love I have had I had before 2006. It just grew this past year, though I did find new things that I fell hard for. I am pretty blessed when it comes to love. It will always be a subject you will hear no complaints from me about.
What was your favorite TV program?
I hate TV, unless it is an anime I love that happens to be on. I don't even have cable. I have the net and whatever I like to watch I can either buy or download. Though I have become an Adult Swim Fix addict. There...I confessed. I have a thing for Venture Brothers that makes me hit the Adult Swim site every week for an episode I might not have ever seen. I loves me some Brock. xd
Now I DO have a favorite television show, but it was not made in 2006; I used to watch it while I was still in high school. I think it has been over for years now.
She seem familiar to anyone?
I was not consciously thinking of her when I originally made Flare; however, I can not say with a straight face that I did not draw some similarities. When the four of us originally made the Horsemen story the last thing on my mind was Nikita...but then once I started to really develop the character years later and found my way back to the show thanks to some torrents of a few episodes, I realized that in the back of my mind I must have been thinking of her. Though there are obvious differences in Nikita and Flare, there is that same...stubborn will to get to where she is going and keep her head above the waters that I frankly adore. That and they both share a tender place in their hearts for men that have emotional issues; hard asses, I guess one could say. xD I found this show and loved it immensely because I liked how Nikita was strong as hell but still had a heart; when I was growing up, I, too, wanted to kick a** and look good in black doing it. xd I adored this show when it was on, it was the only thing worth going to the TV for in my opinion, and years later when I saw that the show was put to DVD...
Weeeellllll, let's just say Flare was a happy camper. I mention it now because though it was over years ago, it was in 2006 I was able to start collecting the seasons on DVD. I highly recommend it.
Other then that, if it is not anime, I really could not care less.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, actually quiet the opposite. I really "hate" only a few people- I hate people's ways more then I actually hate people- but with some growing up I actually have learned and I am learning to just let things go. Get over stuff, let the past lie where it belongs, more forward, because that is what life is really about. For me, at least: always moving forward, continuing on no matter how hard it might be.
There's no better way to achieve revenge then by living good, being happy, showing those that hurt you that you can not be brought down by them. Really- trust me on this one, there is truly no better way to get back at someone that wants to hurt you. They want to bring you down and when you let them, you are telling them that they have that power over you. That is something I refuse to let anyone to do me. I don't treat people that way; I have, however, refused and will continue to refuse, others the pleasure of thinking they got to me. There's nothing like being happy when you know someone that detests you is trying to get to you.
But I really don't hate very many people. I think it is giving them far too much importance to waste so much emotion on them. I can not say the same for some people's behavior, however. I have not grown enough to say that people's behavior does not get to me, because it does. I simply lack the understanding, I suppose.
But then I think of the Perfect Circle song "Judith" and the line "You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be" and I realize that even the idiots in the world have a purpose. Without the people that could really care less about anything but themselves, people that strive to care for others would not have a good example of how not to act and how not to treat others. So, in the end, even that part of humanity I can not hate.
What was the best book you read?
That is like asking a good mother who her favorite child is. I read so much and I am desperately in love with every story I fall into, so that is a really hard one for me to answer. I adore Dean Koontz; he had a few new ones out in 2006.
I've started to go through all the Year's Best Fantasy and Horror collections. Each year for more then a decade there have been a couple that collects this huge volume of what the title implies and so each book is this never ending treat of magic and horror and wicked wonderlands. I love it. You never know what kind of world you will fall into with each page. I have not been able to crawl out of these books this entire past year and I am happy to say I have many volumes to go before having read every one.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Another question I could go on all night and day about. I stumbled upon a Panic! At The Disco video by sheer accident; I've a fancy for the circus/Moulin Rouge/top hat thing (for some reason it makes me think of Wonderland...Go figure. xD) and when I saw the video I was not only visually impressed but my ears were happy, too. I'd not really heard of the band at all at that point- they were slightly new then still, I THINK- but when I heard the song I kinda got addicted. I'm a musical junkie, pretty much the only thing I won't touch is country and that...pure emo-whiny crap...but I like this band. I'd pretty much not wanted to hear them because I was afraid that was what they might turn out to be- more emo crap- but I was very wrong.
Proving that not every book can be judged by its cover.
The lead's a little cutie, too, I must say.
Also, I discovered VAST. Now, some of you already know I am pretty warped and this will only confirm it. This band is just...amazing. Their music is...Indescribable.
Just give them a try if you ever can get your hands on their stuff. You will NOT be disappointed.
Also of musical note was the fact that one of my musical fantasies came true and my favorite Pink Floyd song was remade by my all time most beloved musical group. I've been a fan of their's since their first CD and when I saw this video I just flew to the moon.
Van will love this, too.
What did you want and get?
That job. I needed it very badly and though I wish I had more time like I did before it, I am thankful I have it, for the oppurtunities it has allowed me and for the chances I have now because of it.
What did you not want and get?
The whiplash that has come from having said job. The loss of time, all the people I have made unhappy, all the negativity, all the hurt feelings.
What did you want and not get?
I crossed my fingers and eyes and yet somehow when I wished on that falling star I did not fall into one of my stories, and the world did not open up and make me tumble down into Red Eclipse, where I could be Flare and live in that world. xD
I tried, though, I really tried.
Other then that, I did not make people as happy as I should have. I did not make people feel better. That is what I wanted, just for everyone to be happy.
Favorite film of this year?
Movies I have seen this past year...It sounds horrible, but I really don't remember all that many movies I saw this past year. I guess that means nothing really jumped out at me. That and incase no one has picked up on it, I rather like books more over movies any day. If we count anime, by far the best thing I have watched all this year was the new Hellsing Ultimates.
Hellsing= heart .
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 25 this past April and I survived it. Aries will always surivive.
What kind of things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having hurt so many people; knowing that I had not let so many down. I don't like failing people; I was not there for a great many people that needed someone there and I really wish I had not been just another absent face when those people needed someone. I should have been there for people and I was not.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
I looked in the mirror and discovered somehow, sometime this past year though I can not quiet remember the moment and time, that I am not all that bad, after all.
I also will proudly attest that no outfit is complete without kitty hair.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Mwahahahahahahahaha, that is a good one. Do anime or video game men count? Cause they have to with me; I find myself purring over certain characters and have for years now over a certain few. Let me count how much I love my bishies. There is Dante, Sephiroth, Grave, and the very lovely Big Red, Alucard. Most of them I have cherished since before 2006 but I grew rather fond of Kakashi this past year. I am sure that most of you have seen a pattern here: guns and bad-a**-itude. I'd go on here at great length but most of you deal enough with my fan-girl moments.
What political issue stirred you the most?
I'll keep my mouth shut on it, because my out-spoken views on just about any major topic that circulated this past year in politics will surely ruffle feathers.
Who was the best new person you met?
I did not meet anyone offline in 2006 that just sent off any bells or whistles, no matter how small. I met new people where I worked, but that is kinda a given. Now I met many a lovely person on here, however. I am glad for every friend I pick up and for all of you for putting up with me.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
I think I already have, many a time over; in a quick summation I guess I would have to say to never take your eyes away from the good that you have to focus on the bad. You can never tell when you will lose the good in your life and all it takes is one blink and something precious can be gone forever, something dear to you that you will never be able to replace. It's not worth dwelling in the bad and neglecting that which is dear to you. You will eventually pay for it.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your 2006:
And when you're out there
without care,
yeah, I was out of touch.
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough;
I just knew too much...
My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
and all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them.
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
and it's no coincidence I've come,
and I can die when I'm done.
What was the most defining moment for you in 2006?
Lighting a candle.
What was your favorite 2006 donation item?
The katana. heart Oh my, but YES. It is really a tie because I adore the Shadow Spirit, and if I have to tell anyone why...
What will you miss from 2006?
Whatever precious thing I lose in 2007.
Sum up 2006 in one word.
Unreal.
What is one thing if you could go back and change in 2006 you would change?
Just one thing? Just one thing...The autumn of this past year, I would change the fall, but how I would change it is for the sky above to know.
Favorite music video of 2006?
That's a toughie. That is hard because I can think of great videos MADE this past year, but I can think of ones that were NOT made in 2006 that remain my favorite.
I am going to cheat and name this one my favorite though it is actually an AMV, and neither the song nor the clips were made in 2006, but if I could think of a defining song and video for me this past year, this would be it. I really can not sum up the year or myself better then with that AMV right there, with that character and with that song. I got a chill when I watched it, it was...perfect.
Favorite anime and manga of 2006?
...I wonder if anyone can tell what my favorite anime and manga is...
xd
Insert a personal quote that came from 2006 that means a lot to you:
I am overcoming gravity.
What is the last final message you would like to leave for your future self to read as your last thoughts in 2006?
Honey, you do the best you can do with what you have. That is the most that anyone can ask of you and be fair. To be fair to yourself, that is the only thing you can ask of yourself. It's really not the way you may perceive at times; people are going to be people and you can do nothing about that but learn to not let their disappointment in life taint your joy in it. It's far harder to be a light for people and far too common for others to try to pull others down into their personal darkness with them instead of trying to lift them up, but that does not mean you should try to shy away from doing the better thing just because others do not care enough about themselves or the people around them to do the better thing. Remember that and remember that you simply can not change the world and it is not your job at any rate to do so. You can, however, change your place in it and use your energy for good, not for bad, and in doing so that will help others far more then if you just sit back, whine and b***h and moan about your little woes.
Remember that with happiness it truly does come back to you. You've seen that- now stop letting people rob you of that. You've hung on this long, you are still here. Remember what you learned back when you were a child, back when you were so young you can not even remember what it was like to be that small: You are here for a purpose. It was no accident that you arrived here on this planet. You were not brought along this far, through so much to give so little to the world. You matter, whether you even believe that or not.
This past year you learned to be stronger then you ever thought you could be, you finally trusted yourself enough to be happy and to really wish for the future all those things you want out of it. There will always be trying times ahead but would you really want it any other way? No. You learn to be strong only by having something that tests that strength and the only way you will ever come out on top is just by not giving up. Remember who believed in you, remember that someone loved you, someone in this huge big world believed in you. That's the best gift you can get.
It is also the best gift you can give.
I have no idea what life will be like for you this time in the next year. I am hoping you will be happy and healthy and overwhelmed with your luck and the good things in your life but I sadly have no idea, but that is part of the fun, isn't it? You have learned this year that good things can happen without your expecting it; now please remember that when things get dark again. I've no clue where you will be this time next year, what you will be doing, what will be going on with you. I don't even know where you will be in the next month, for you show a tendency for change with every waking day. Once upon a time you cursed that...now learn to see the gift in that. While I hope you will be even more happy and at an even better place mentally, remember one thing and you will not feel as lost or at the mercy of this world:
This too shall pass.
 RadiantFlare · Tue Jan 02, 2007 @ 04:57am · 4 Comments |
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