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Puerto Rico and Reggaeton
Sad story really, how Reggaeton has become Puerto Rico's main music. It's freaking everywhere! I was driving today and this extremely annoying bass was bugging the crap out of me, when I looked left I saw this lady in her late 40s listening to Reggaeton at max volume! What the hell?! I mean, the song said something like "papi dame duro", it should say papi shoot me.
And those lyrics are all the same, there's an order to all this; we can all sing Reggaeton if we want to, heck lets try it:
First let's pick a verb, like "raspar".
Then let's say it like we want to do it to someone like "Te voy a raspar" and add a word symbolizing the other gender, like "mami". You may repeat this if you wish.
Then have the other one say it like he/she wants it, like "raspame papi, raspame".
Now that we have the chorus, which will be repeated like 8 times in the song, let's build its body. Add anything. Remember we don't want it to make sense, it only needs to rhyme. It's also good to stretch the rhyming part just so everyone knows how retarded its rhyming.
Let's try it:
Lo que quiero es comer biste
Voy subiendo como no me viste
Como si tuviese un carro V-Tech
Que charro te quedo el chiste
After that just add some sound effects, such as gunfire, air horns or girls moaning. The words "yeah" and "hah" compliment the lack of lyrics. And finally, no song is complete without advertising, add your name, all of your friend's names, the name of your song, the name of the album, the name of your opponent, the name of your opponent's mother or how badass you are for singing Reggaeton shameless in public, add some adjectives too.
Let's see how it all turned out:
[gunfire, air horns]
Te voy a raspar mami, te voy a raspar
Raspame papi, raspame [moaning]
Lo que quiero es comer bisteeee
Voy subiendo como no me visteeee
Como si tuviese un carro V-Teeeeech
Que charro te quedo el chisteeeee
[moan, moan]
Te voy a raspar mami, te voy a raspar [gunfire]
Raspame papi, raspame [more moaning]
Aqui representando J.C., Juan Carlos, El Sancocho Underground, la competencia, no dan liga, yeah yeah, los del matojo no van pa ningun lao, hah hah, soy el unico que no piensa pero habla, respeto, con guille, cabeza de huevo.
Success, your very own professional Reggaeton song.
Now Puerto Rico's timeline can be described as "Before Reggaeton" and "After Reggaeton". From "Esto es Puerto Rico" to "Que nos pasa Puerto Rico?". Before it was all about dedicating romantic songs to the ladies and treating them with respect, now it's all about how close you can rub it and how many can you "do" in one night. Before we worked hard to make her fall in love, now we work hard to make her fall down drunk.
This isn't meant to make you laugh, or to teach you how to write a Reggaeton song. Open your eyes, buy a gun, and shoot everyone that listens to this crap in a limb. That's called an extremity shot, the victim should live and you are not charged for murder. If you're taken to court just say it was self defense from the irritating way they talk, smell, drive, and poison our land with their way of showing everyone else how devolution works, how stupid can a human being really be. They should work in Geico commercials. Or be useful and be replaced by those poor crash dummies. If you listen to Reggaeton and after you read this, you have this burning desire to kill me, then congratulations, you are not a complete imbecile, repent now before someone shoots you in the leg.
 LegendaryXAK · Thu Nov 16, 2006 @ 02:52am · 0 Comments |
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