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First off, I'd like to post this in apology for my abrupt absence from anything involving the Internet, and more specifically, Gaia. I'm also apologizing for making you all worry unnecessarily on my behalf.
To explain things, here's a bit of my background in regards to my ex...
Well... I'll keep it short. He's hurt me twice very deeply because he broke up with me both abruptly and curtly after we got very emotionally involved... after the 2nd break-up was the reason I denounce men.
The reason? Our schools, he said, were too far from one another to consider a relationship serious. Just for your benefit and reference, our schools are less than a half-hour drive away from one another. stare
So it was a double-edged sword for me. I still cared about him, but also, I wasn't going to give him another chance to break my heart, though until that conversation last week, I never realized how close I had gotten to taking him back into my life.
So, upon the advice of many of you as well as my RL friends and what my heart was telling me, in order to kmaintain my sanity and keep myself from getting hurt so badly again, I told Matt that I couldn't go to Portland with him because of my conflicting emotions. Additionally, if you look at the parts of the conversation I posted in the other entry, he constantly said I was a beautiful person... but I asked him rhetorically whether I was still beautiful despite the fact that I was breaking his heart as well as my own.
All this was done over AIM, and once I had sent the messages, I blocked him off of AIM before letting him respond. I know that if he had wanted to talk to me, he knows how, but he hasn't tried, so whatever... all I know is that it's for the best that I get a LOT of distance from him for awhile.
So yeah... but I've found that my spirit is broken in the sense that I can't handle as much stress as I used to that's related to Gaia. Hell, I could only handle a couple of updates before I had to take a break, though this time, it was a little bit unintentional... either way, Korma-neechan attributes it to being severely burned out, so I think I'll take her advice as well as the advice of others to take things easy for awhile.
And I guess if you want to talk to me, drop a PM or sent along an IM to the following...
AIM: YamiRyuuNa
MSN: Aquafire_2003@hotmail.com
So again, thank you all for your concern and patience with me. I may not be back on Gaia 100%, but I'm back now.
 Aquafire · Tue Dec 21, 2004 @ 08:37am · 4 Comments |
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