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3-15
And i managed to delete an entry on an app.....
I really don't want to rewrite it. Didn't want to write it to begin with. Damn this 'writting' thing is a pain in the a**. But i have to. And i did. Sure it was half-a**, and it was deleted, but that still counts no?
Yeah didn't think so......at least you're spared three paragraphs of me blathering on beating around the bush only to misleading go on about hallucinations. They shouldn't surprise me anymore....
Lol eh....redirecting again.
That's cuz 1, it's still painful and confusing, and 2, well. That one is down right stupid and childish.
Ugh....never had the nerves of steel to bite the bullet.
.......
That was awful.
I can't even decide the lesser of the evils to start with.
Nope. Can't do it. ******** coward at the end of it all.
But i need to write them down. If i don't, i'll forget and i can't have s**t disappearing.
1: miranda's damn ipod and her damn music and that damned song. Ugh. Had a splitting headache all day thanks to it
2: simple jealously. Should be the lesser one, but well, it's shamefull. I just want to squash it. It's-it's just stupid, reasonless, unjustified, and well unfair. She's well within her rights to like whomever the hell she wishes. Hmph. At least i spit that out.
Too used to be Beta or Alpha. Drives me nuts. Lol gives me the urge to do something humans gave up ages ago. Seriously gotta do something to curb that. Bloody well unnatural. Nutter :llama:
Ok fake humor aside,
.......i have no bloody idea. My fake joke totally distracted me.
On a side note from all of.....this, right now, i can't pretend i have a shred of morality left and say that i dont hate my mother, just cant stand her. I. Hate. Her.
Seems whenever she punishes someone, i get punished. Shea and harry were locked out of their room (after two years of empty threats the spineless, hippocritic b***h) so guess were they sleep now? The recliners (our couch replacement). So no i have their moaning, whining, screaming, snoaring, moving, flailing, fighting, falling out of the chairs and/or waking up every hour, all around annoyance as a roomate. I can't have my music, my t.v., i can't do anything to blot out sound or light, those two are aggrevating my headaches so bad i can't even sleep with them. I'd complain to mum, but she'll just say suck it up, and either that it's my fault, or be patient their new beds will be here soon. WHICH REMINDS ME! guess what they get? They're each getting their own tempurpedic full sized mattresses! My brother and i still have the same twin sized spring beds we got when we were 2. First the pinball machine, then the $500 dollars of clothes that were thrown away, then the cameras, then the DS's, then the game systems, then the t.v.'s, the stereo's, the ******** Kindle Fire and $200 amazon gift card!! Even after the way they behave.....
Not right. If we didn't clean our room up completely the night mum asked we were locked out for weeks to sleep on the floor and had to have a parent escort to get dressed. If we forgot to say please, thank you, or yes'ir or yes ma'am, we'd be grounded. If we were caught lieing, stars forbid -shudder- talk about punishment. There's a reason colonial children behaved. Their mothers had wooden spoons. And i tell you from expirence that a light hit from that sucker will be stinging for hours and bruised for days if you happen to put effort into it.
I just don't understand. I finally got to be stupid so i'm not some freak, but i still have to know stuff. And not knowing is driving me to fury. She's not the mother that raised me. Not at all. She's more like a grandmother that spoils her grandkids and lets them do whatever their parents won't. I try to just let it go, cuz ya know it'll be her problem when they're older, but i can't. I know it's a lie. She'll make it my problem. I just can't get myself to go directly against her wishes or commands because of something i want. I-
Ugh. I can't do crap. I'm a Pig in all aspects. Damn horoscope. Should be horrorscope. Omg did i say that? Shoot me now.
16. Then 18. 13, 19, 90 something. Those are confusing. I hate this. I say that too much. I have way too much too hate. Still working on re-dis-associa-tion.....uhh.....i dont think thats a word. Whatever. That hiatus is tempting. I'm considering doing that when i turn 18. Not go to canada, europe, florida. No. Just....go somewhere quiet for like a semester. Course i have to last until 18.
Oh yeah.....mum's worried that with miranda moving i won't have any friends. (BU accepted her why??) but i got a step up from her original threat. Instead of her forcing me on playdates, she's forcing me to go out whenever/wherever/whomever/ with noah. Crap. Feel like throwing up thinking about it. Him and like 2-7 other boys from his class around a table. And those damn looks. I swear she forces me through that every time my brother wants to hang out with his friends, i'll take miranda up on her offer, find some girl to date or at least willing to pretend to so i can bring her home and shove it in mum's homophobic face. Ya know it's really late to be this pissed off. Then again, my head is keeping me from doing anything which is her fault, so the only thing ihave to do is talk to myself about every little thing that is trying to....idk i forgot what i was saying.
Woah. Weird crap. So i'll go back to talking to myself. Without you know....my finger sitting there all pesky like recording my every thought.
Ow....my head feels like someone shoved an electric eel in my skull through my ears, and my brains are now being shocked to liquid trying to pop out my eyeballs.
Wonderfull image eh?
 BSPBleach · Fri Mar 16, 2012 @ 08:57am · 0 Comments |
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