12-20
-sigh- i'm hopeless AND heartless. Heartless is easier and faster so i'll address it first.
I'm heartless because I date guys. I know my heart is elsewhere and that I've never once in my life been attracted to a real guy that stood before me. So I date a guy, and then we suddenly break up because something happens to set off alarms...... Lol closet les of sorts I guess......actually more of denial.
-ahem- now for hopeless. Yippee more speeling of patheticness!!
Anyways, so my first bf (who has his own private entry so might as well save you the time of going through the titles and using your brain to put 2+2 together razz his name is Ginzo) is Indian looking. This fact will be relevant a bit later.
So several weeks ago miranda(the lieing sluty friend) ivy(the friend that stood me up) mum, and I went shopping during Black Friday. We were at a mall, and thank the stars we were seperated, mir and ivy were in one store while me and mum were buying something. On our way to meet mir and ivy at the H&M store, this family comes up the stairs I was going to go down forcing me(lol well us. Mum's still there) to stop and wait. The family that came up were Indian and about the size of Ginzo's family. I'm positive it was all in my head, which makes even more pathetic, but they looked a lot like his family and one of the guys I could've sworn looked exactly like him.
Had I been with miranda, she would've realized that my expression and stance actually changed (something mum has never accomplished) and would've tried to figure out what was wrong. She would've seen and reconized my expression immediately and may not have been able to put 2+2 together, but would've been able to put 8+8 together (meaning she'd have had no idea why it effected me, but she would've known it had something to do with a past bf and would've badgered me bout it for like.... Ever) anyways. Yeah. Hopeless I am.
To add to the hopelessness that is Hold Knot of my being(sorry, macrame reference to a first knot that holds the whole piece together while you start) I still love him to death. Even though he's a guy. Damn it. The frustration such stubborn hopelessness brings is the only emotion powerful enough to make me actually want to rip some random building apart with my bare hands x.x##
I actually love and think about him as much as I do Fliss......
-bangs head against the wall- but I dunno..... I've felt my weekly dose of emotions and am now exaughsted.
 BSPBleach · Fri Jan 27, 2012 @ 06:46am · 0 Comments |
