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I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly. |
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As of this edit, there are twenty-seven days of 2011 left.
I am making what could be the most extensive To-Do list that I have ever made; I am detailing what it is exactly I want to get done and accomplished before the end of the year so that I can start 2012 with a blank slate.
That is pretty much my goal: to start out the new year with a negative-resolution, as it were. xD Instead of stating at the beginning of the year that I am going to do something (or a batch of somethings, since I am motivated as HELL at the beginning of a new year. Damn OCD.) I want to start the new year off with no loose strings. I want tabula rasa, damnit!
I have already marked a few things off of the list, which feels amazing, and I am feeling pretty good about marking a few more things off the list by the end of the upcoming week. I am sitting at my desk now and going through a major purge in regards to all the notes and lists I have been gathering for over two years on various projects; instead of letting them pile up and pile up and pile up I am finally sitting down and tossing out the stuff that no longer applies and condensing what is left.
I am to the point in the adventure where precision matters the most: I have made some very broad sweeps and now it is time to break each huge goal into small daily steps and focus on getting the projects carried through to the end.
That's where I generally drop the ball: like the true Aries I am, I get all carried away by planning the projects and things I want to do but in the carry-through I tend to trip over the same thing each time and then, because I am a major perfectionist, I throw the baby out with the dish water just because one little detail did not go as planned.
Like what I call my Dailies: these are tiny little projects I like to (in theory) do each day- thus that very clever name (Flare can be such a clever goober sometimes emotion_awesome ). I will do more then twenty days in a row and then because something happens and I can not do just one day I end up throwing my hands up and not doing any of my Dailies for sometimes up to a month at a time. Completely defeating the purpose; it just irks me to make plans that then do not work out. Even though I logically know that a plan is just a list of things that never happen it still emotionally bothers me.
But my goal for the last part of this year is to wrap things up neatly, with a big giant bow, and start out 2012 ahead of myself.
So far, so good.
But this is where this post comes in: in order to get some of this stuff done I am going to have to keep my online presence to a minimum for a few days. I have projects I need to work on that being online means I can not work on, let alone focus on, and a lot of what I am working on requires every ounce of focus and energy that I have.
Like the biggest project of 2011 of all: my book.
I have purposefully said next to nothing about this on Gaia for the past few years because what I am working on is far too near and dear to me for me to discuss until more work on it was done; my writing is a lot like having a child: there's the whimsical what-if, followed by a formless need which blossoms into a hungry desire, the conception of the work...then the editing and pampering until I feel confident enough that if I step back and release it that my work will stand on its own.
I hope and believe that the writers among you will completely empathize with what I just said and understand what I mean.
But I am working on the final draft of the book I will start to shop to get published (I keep reading and being told that the writing part is the easy part; for me that is certainly true. Writing is easy to me, more like bliss then work, but trying to find a publisher is supposed to be hell on earth for a new writer. I am going to try to look at it as a learning experience; giving up is not an option...but I am getting ahead of myself, as usual.) or at least get sold in 2012 (which, if that happens, will truly mean the world will end next year!).
That is the goal of 2012: To see the most important thing I have ever written given its chance.
I have been working on this for years and once this draft is typed up I am going to give it over to my first reader: my husband (it gives me delightful goosebumps to say or write that!). He said he would read over it and critique it for me, let me know how it reads and edit it for me. I am notorious for run-ons and superfluous details, among other style sins, and I trust him with this because he has always been the first one to cheer me on or tell me nicely what I need to do to fix whatever I am working on. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with him- he respects my dream enough to encourage it AND help me.
He's the Tabby to my Stephen. heart (Total Stephen King fangirl!)
But once he is done reading it and the book is edited once more I am going to start trying to land an editor and publisher. Again, I am getting ahead of myself, but to be this close to fulfilling a lifelong dream...
TL;DR- I am going to be a little busy as the month winds down; there is still work and all its...stuff to deal with and then there are all the other things that needs attention from day to day; on top of working on my book I am going to be cleaning off the last, and most glorious, of my To-Do Lists of 2011.
And, oh, yeah- Christmas is coming up. xD
So there is a lot going on in my part of the world. While I am going to try my best to be as active as possible I know there are always a couple of people who want me to post/reply faster then I can and so this entry is a mea culpa as much as a peek behind the curtains.
What are some of the other things on my big list, you ask?
Well, I am going through my stuff (all of it, clothes and books and the random debris of living that we all collect) and collecting stuff to donate or give away. I have tons of warm clothes and extra jackets that I never wear so I want to give them away to help someone who can use it; I might eBay some stuff or try to find a collector for some of the random stuff I have that I am no longer obsessed over (hit me up with a PM if you are or know someone who really, really digs on The X-Files; I am not kidding, I would rather this stuff go to someone I know who will dig it then to just some random person.) and I am gathering another bunch of stuff to take to the used bookstore that my group and I adore.
I am going through this neat period of life I never would have thought I would go through...putting it simply, I am purging my life. I horde things like mad and I am a major pack rat, but in my defense I have gotten rid of a LOT of things since we moved into Galactica. I have just always horded my things- books, clothes, books, CDs, books, emails, notes, books, stuff on Gaia, notebooks...I have a ton of stuff I never allowed myself to enjoy for reasons I will not get into here; after Candle went home I just...kinda lost the taste for it all. That's not exactly right- I mean, I still love my stuff and I love some of my things more then I could ever say- but I no longer feel the need to hold on as tightly to everything as I did even last year at this time. My priorities have shifted, I guess is a good way to express what I am feeling. There's no reason to hold onto things so tightly anymore; I am done living my life based on the idea that there will "never be enough". The things that truly matter are the things that can never be replaced, regardless; that is probably why now that Candle is gone from this world I have lost my urgency to hold tightly to things. I can always go out and buy more of whatever it is I am wanting. There will never be another Candle, though; realizing that has really put things into perspective. Having a ton of stuff did not keep her from getting sick and it did not bring her back...so why burden myself with tons of things I do not need? Especially when I can give them to people who DO need or want them?
I have always been a quality over quantity person; I guess that thinking has spilled over into my physical attachments because I do not need all the stuff that I have and if someone else can find pleasure or use in something that I have five of, then why the hell am I keeping it in my closet when it can have a good home? xD
So...yeah. Going to work on cleaning my personal belongings out, tidying up the apartment after Asai and I finish cleaning it out, cleaning out my emails and getting caught up on a few other random odds and ends projects I want done by the end of the year.
To better illustrate what I mean by needing to clean out my emails:
Yeah. That is how far behind I am in regards to my email. Not all of those are things I need to respond to (the vast majority of those messages are alerts about blog entries and stuff like that) but all of those messages represent things I have let go undone because I am a perfectionist, a procrastinator, blah blah blah.
The Drafts are the only things that (currently) needs a reply. I spent a day cleaning out folders and condensing these bad babies down to what you see: still, this is about four years or so worth of emails I have just let...pile up. I think my subconscious goal has been to see what Hotmail will let me get away with before I break something. xD
So, to recap: Working on many projects, the goal being to get done with them by the end of the year: these goals include cleaning out all my personal possessions, giving the apartment a good cleaning before Christmas, catching up on email and Gaia when I can in between working on my book. I also have work to contend with and all the issues that come with it, so between work-work and my projects and getting ready for the holidays and dealing with day-to-day responsibilities...
If I am slow in responding (as I know I am ALREADY) please do not take it personal and please don't think I am ignoring you or have forgotten you. Give me a few days to reply. I only have (as of this edit) twenty-six PMs to get answered; I have work later so I am going to work on as many as possible tonight but there is probably no way I can be on enough every day to get more then ten or twelve done a day (and that is assuming best case scenario where I can even be online everyday). I know my rate of reply is shitty and I do not mean to let people down or disappoint them. It is nothing personal, I just do not have the free time that I used to have back when I first joined.
This is temporary- part of my goal for 2012 is to change my life enough to have more free time- but until I can get a few things worked on and done and going I can not promise a faster response time. Most people seem to understand that and I love you guys for it (and you know who you are) but there are always the two or three who invariably do not understand and there are issues with my having to take time to reply. Which is perfectly okay but always saddens me.
So that's what is going on in Flare's world currently. Lotsa cleaning out and sorting and renewing and getting things done. Asai and I have been calling the time after our wedding as Chapter Two and Chapter Two has kicked some serious a** so far. That's another reason why I am cleaning out my things and "starting over" as much as possible, as it were- I am turning a lot of pages and starting clean in my life. Considering that we might be making a move in the next year or so I also think that now is the best time to clean stuff out and only hold onto the things that matter the most. Sometimes all one needs is a change.
It's good, heady stuff but I wanted to let you guys in on what is going on so if I was slower then usual (ha!) in replying to things you would know what is up. I intend on PMing people a TL;DR version but this is here for anyone who wanted to hear a little bit more about what I am doing.
I hope the holidays are good for everyone. heart I consider you guys part of the blessings I have been lucky enough to receive. You are all in my heart and happy-thoughts even when I am not on or able to be on. Some of the best people in my life are ones I met on here; I cherish you all even if I do not say it enough. I hope this finds you all doing well and having a good December. Good luck with whatever it is that you are doing or going through or hoping for; I hope Christmas or whatever you celebrate goes better then you hoped.
Love for you all. heart
 RadiantFlare · Fri Dec 02, 2011 @ 09:27pm · 1 Comments |
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