a long thin strip of bloody metal floated across my vision as a cold feeling crept intop the bowls of my thoughts then light over took the darkness and I fell again into the long known pit of blood, hate and despair. It didn't take long for a cold sensations to overtake my fingers as I lay in the chill of my own demonic and strange mind. What would you be if you even feared your own mind, if every moment you moved you thought of some horrific thing that could be happening what down it become when your body and soul is possessed by some force that speaks to the back of your mind making you unable to see your finger tip and unable to read your own thoughts/ what is it when anger suddenly boils over and no matter how calm you really are you are suddenly broken and screaming a pit of violent lava exploding from all edges with hissing hot dark bloody red death from each of its edges. Trying so hard for hours aq day to suceed to become more to always be in the right yet unable to make your mind be straight but every one around you is being sucking to a dark vortex of hate and idiocy that is driving you to the brink of releasing every ounce of violent darkness inside you. again shoving down to that dark abyss in the bottom of your soul, the part you never talk about./ the part you are afraid to even think about. What are you. Are you a monster just waiting to be released. A monster behind bars constantly being tormented and destroyed and used for less then you are capable? What am I if this is how i feel behind my blank stares and unhappy grins. what am I? If i can not answer this for my self I am nothing. if I can not control it I am my brother. But what if I do control it but I just do to much a ticking time bomb that will blow any second... If I am confused by this then how can I call myself me? I am afraid to enter my own mind because a monster takes control of my fingers, and afraid to live because an evil creature attack the walls of its cage daily. Slowly behind them until it finally comes up erupting into the faces of your teachers and friends. Those you respect those you love. Scaring them into a point where they can;t even look at you. Yet you are always surrounded by angry people, sad people, and I can;t help but wonder if i stuff that all into the monsters cage too? I liusten to every one else all day long and deal with everyone else's daily bs, and I'm left here, under there abuses of not caring if I care to listen every day to how life has ******** them over again and again. Yet once or twice one will ask me if they can talk to me like this and I always say yes because every one else does so why not you too now? I don't mind it on ocasion but its more and more every do to the point all of my life has been consumed by the complaints of my friends and realitives. kudo's to my uncle and aunt whom have never dumped anything on me. shame on every one else in my immediate family except my mother becasue every one of them, except mom has harmed me in some way. Sister, brother, and father have been abusive to me in one way at least once. Mental and once phsical. How is that fair to me, how can I keep that monster locked in side? It was there for five years waiting... contemplaiting every night every day and as if that wasn't enough. The center of negiutive attention at my school is a hating vortex spiraling around me in a violent twisting way. It demnts my thoughts and twists around my words. the every so often it leaks out. AND I get angry and the sudden shot of anger- adrenaline- leaves me grey and shaking and leaves the people around me scared and...
 demon strait outta_hell · Sun Jul 18, 2010 @ 06:32am · 0 Comments |
