Dear Diary,
It is nearly May. One more week until we pass into the new month. How has time passed so quickly? The new year came and flew by and the holidays were barely worth mentioning. Time passed so quickly... It is unfathomable. I feel as though something must be done. Mention of Higuchi's death have been flitting around the media as of late. Is it possible to feel such a conflict in interests? Raito had not spoken to me for so long... it is hard to imagine that he would begin now.
The case is at a stand still. I have Matsuda and Mogi doing busywork as of this moment. Aizawa has been sent home to spend time with his family. They believe the Kira Case is at a close. Should I go through with what I have begun implimenting? Does Raito deserve this second chance? Why do I still care? I should be doing this for him. Am I doing this for him? Am I doing this for me? Why must I ask so many questions? This is not like my personality. Nothing should make me want to feel this way, to be so compeltely flustered to the point where comprehension is a mere dream within a dream.
Am I dreaming? What is this? Where is this? Where am I? What am I?
Suddenly I doubt my existence. Confirmation of my reality must come from others. I once believed that. First goes Myself, then the universe, floowed by reality... and God. I am not religious. There has never been a time when religion was something I'd needed to grasp, to keep within reach and convenience to hold my grounding. Does this lack of a fundemental base for my life truly inhibit the way I percieve everything?
So many question, yet so few certainties. It is difficult enough to deal with those who are dissimilar with myself. That is why I was working alone, was it not?
Quit asking yourself questions. This is a pointless waste of time. What am I doing? Babbling almost like one of Matt's gamer-rants. My mind is so muddled... simply disregard that last few paragraphs. The words are not worth being placed on paper.
Why do I write these things. Why.
Kira is evil, but Raito is... What is Raito? Raito is.
L
 minikimii · Thu Jan 08, 2009 @ 10:43pm · 0 Comments |
