After a year adn a half of being sober from my anti-depressants, I'm back on them. So my reliance on them has returned. my nightmares are back and i'm waking in a sweat just to go in the shower later and let the cold water go until someone discovers i've been in the bathroom too long. four suicide attemts. so that makes nine times i've tried taking my life. no one really seems to care whether i'm here or not. I'm a b***h I know but i can't help it if I'm suffering from my past. God what sins have I done to take this route? Tell me please? I'm findign more and more faults in myself and I'm more disgusted with myself than I was before. I'm not writing my poetry anymore. My art has no meaning anymore. My music, what music? All I hear is the loud ringing in my ears that I've had since I was born. And that nightmare. That nightmare that is the cause of my fears. God help me. I've prayed, talked, and whatever else I'm supposed to do for your help. So why haven't you answered? I know you hear me....do you hear me? I guess my anti-depressants aren't working. What a surprise. I can't close my eyes anymore without that image. That terrifing image that I've fought not to remember and had to be held just to calm and break the dream. God help me. Someone help me get out. Please? I'm tired and want to sleep in silence. Not in a grave but just silence. But I guess it can't happen since I can't fake a smile anymore.
-Your Suicidal
 Island Tomboy · Thu Sep 18, 2008 @ 02:50am · 0 Comments |
