Life: each breath i take adds another chain
each heart beat puts another knife through me
and with every second i cry another bullet flies in at me
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Drew I want you to Read this. |
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My True Life Story
the day i was born lets say i really wasnt "born" i came out dead, the put me back then brought me back out and i was alive i was then truly "born".the assholes broke my shoulder so now i can do sum kool things with it.lolz. At 2 i was surrounded by the dead (spirits). mom and dad called them imaginary,thou they were never imaginary. seems as if i never have been taken seriously(ever). At 3 i took my first drink of beer (and last, i hate the taste) also smoked a cig(now i keep craving them). i was an unusual little kid, i smiled the normal amount of smiles and pretty much seemed happy and was for the most part then my problems began. At 6 my mom got sick and sick, and sicker. my parents began to fight, not the normal little squabble, but the word divorce was brought up a bit. at around 8 i nearly drown to death in 13ft deep water, i was a bit too brave for my own good. a few months after that they had the worst fight i'd ever seen. i was only 7 or 8 but i had control over myself quite well. i was good at ignoring stuff that bothered me but i couldn't ignore that fight they took it outside she was going to leave and he was just screaming i turned around then turned back and she had ran over him at the time i thought he was dead and my mind was set, i went to the drawer and pulled out a big knife very big. i walked outside had it hid behind me. she yelled out asking if i'd leave with her and i screamed no! i ran to the back of the porch and put it up to my neck and right as i went to add pressure i heard my dad moan in pain i dropped the knife and ran over to him and hugged him so tightly tears streaming from my eyes. i did my best to help him up. she speeded off to my grandma's house and thats where she stayed for a week or so. my dad was fine. and i put the knife back in the drawer they never knew it was out and didnt need to. she came back home and the fighting continued on. at 9 they let me drink wine koolers on new years (you'd think i'd get drunk after 3 but no). about two or three years later my best friend & adopted big brother Rustin died, he ODed but it wasnt his fault the pple there made sure that he didnt get help. hes gf tried to reach the phone they beat the s**t out of her and left him there to die. she passed out from the wounds. i went to his funeral. i felt his presence everywhere around me. it was dec.16 at 3am i woke up out of a dead sleep for that. i'd say about a year or so after that my temper came out of the wood works. i threaten to kill a girl actually 3. it was 4th grade. i wrote the treat on paper and lost it that was the mistake. losing it. the school found it i was suspended and had to go to therapy. i played through that easily being an expert lier and good manipulator. i played it off as if i was normal and innocent. and well didnt ever have to go back she said i was perfectly fine. boy was she wrong. by 6th i lose mostly all my friends but 2(Lauri & Miranda). so i had to get new ones. that was a little hard. but i got sum. that summer i found Kegan(loved him to death[at least i thought so]) he was my bf. 7th i went fully goth it was just a phase though i guess but thats where i found pasy, ducky, pony, crow and my sis well blood sister. we were grand friends. all of us but pasy and me split. i attemped suiside 3 times from that.My bro(not really related) Ryan stopped me each time. thank you. then pony got annoying as hell, ducky stuck around and crow grew closer. later on is when my sis and i started being sisters of blood. 8th ((that would be now-ish)) i became emo. i was lighter in colors, i started cutting my self. and then my bf faded away i swear it was Ali's fault, her wedding and 9 week later devorce ended my relationship. i got more friends they both moved away sadly. then i got a new bf Dylan (i shoulkd have knew he was too good to be true)and well now everyone is just ignoring me and pushing me aside as if i dont exist anymore makes me wish i didnt sumtimes. but i live on. and lately i feel numb. me and pasy are talking now sumwhat and it feels good. my sis and i were dating i guess u could say. so i had a bf and a gf. lolz felt kinda weird. but i loved them both so very much. (and no offense Neko,but never again. got it, oh and if anyone was wondering kissing guys is better than girls. believe me). anyway they made living that much easier yet its still a struggle to breathe. feeling so dead, i think im dying inside for real, everytime i get up i faint or passout. im always light headed or dizzy. one second im sad or sleepy the next im hyper as hell and really pissed off. if i ever was to die i wonder who would actually care. if i did end up ending my own life it would be painless i'd od, stab through my heart, or use a gun to my head. i would not die in or near water to damn scary.lets fast forward a few months. Rachel died in a car crash. i broke up with Dylan, it crushed his world but he deserved it. Seth finally started to talk to me he's so funny, and all the jocks just started hitting on me... wtf ya know lolz, well end of the school year comes and Mc Kaylah, Natty, Megan, Rene, & Kristen all moved. *tears* but then i found Drew and he makes me so happy. i love him so so so so much. just wish i could be with him right now. well any who enough of my boring life story for now. XX- Jess
 xXMiss AsphyxiationXx · Wed Jul 02, 2008 @ 12:42am · 1 Comments |
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