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My parents recently adopted an orphan girl from Khmelnitskiy, Ukraine on their trip to Europe.

Previous to their trip, my parents were going through marital issues. My dad became a workaholic while my mother decided to start gaining a reputation among the married men in the planned community my parents lived in. Suffice to say, it was ruining their marriage to the point where they were going to file for divorce. A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from my mother who described to me how her relationship with my father was quickly falling apart. I did my best to console her when, out of the blue, I suggest the both take a trip to Europe. I reminded her how much she spoke of it when I was young and asked them how much money they had saved ever since I moved out. After discussing it for atleast 3 hours, my mother decided to surprise my father with two tickets to Ukraine. I imagined them having a trip of a lifetime with the Hollywood ending, but I never expected them to bring home a "souvenir", as they lovingly call Ilsa.

Ilsa is a 14 year old girl from Khmelnitskiy, Ukraine. Her father was a baker in the merchant district of the city with a large debt owed to the Russian mafia. It was so large that they ended up killing the poor b*****d and his wife over it. After the death of her parents, she was "employed" by the mafia, working the hard, cold streets of Ukraine. My parents found her in an orphanage for sexually abused teenage girls. After meeting Ilsa, they decided to adopt her to "liven their relationship."

I met Ilsa when I had ventured to Vermont to meet my parents. She stared at me with an unnerving curiosity as I argued with my parents on how the use of an immensely disturbed and psychologically battered girl to liven a nearly extinct relationship was ethical and possibly criminal. They laughed it off as they usually did and offered to take me clothes shopping. Despite the fact that I'm now 22 years old and perfectly capable of buying my own clothes, my mother and father still insist on patronizing me. Although, I had spent all my money on all my "necessities" (WoW subscription and beer) and the promise of new clothes was enticing. This shopping spree is how I would begin my relationship with Ilsa.

Before I go on, I have to make it imperative to my audience that foreign women have a certain allure to them. They are not abrasive or as impulsive as American women are. They aren't quick to open their mouths to release a wave of misinformed opinion at you on whatever subject is being discussed. Rather, they listen attentively and voice their opinion in a calm, respectable manner. If they don't have an opinion on it, they simply don't say anything. This quiet intelligence is what personally attracts me to foreign women and what attracts me to Ilsa. After probing her relentlessly, I got to know her better. She was like any other teenager but wiser, more knowledgeable of the world and how it functioned. The girls sad past made her mature quicker than a girl ought to and left her without a sense of joy. I pitied her and for the first few months I made sure to avoid her. I didn't want to give an impressionable girl the wrong idea of Americans or what American families were like. I wanted her to live the fairy book life with her being the center of attention. To be honest, I just didn't want my dysfunctions to rub on her.

I've always been a sadist. I love humiliating sex and I love to be in control. Sadly, my ex-girlfriends haven't been so keen to the idea of sub-dom sex. In fact, my relationships usually end with the first night of sex. I don't know where it came from, it's just always been a part of me. My simply ideology is that God creates freaks like me to add spice to the gene pool. Or rather, to prevent monsters from being born or as a disability for the powerful. That's why I chose to blackmail Ilsa.

Two weeks after meeting Ilsa, I got kicked out of my girlfriend's apartment. With nowhere else to go, I went to my parents for help. They gave me my room back and welcomed me with open arms. By now, their marriage was better and they were open to any and all suggestions. Ilsa had made their relationship stronger and my parents were more "fruitful" than ever. Despite the kindness of my parents, Ilsa decided to abuse that kindness.

My parents decided to give Ilsa a weekly allowance of $500. At first, she used it for emergencies and to buy herself little trinkets every once in a while. After living two weeks with my parents and gaining her trust, she returned to her old habits and bought cocaine. She was constantly high and abused the drug to the point where she could barely function without the drug. When I found out, I threatened to tell my parents. In a fit of desperation, she offered to give me a b*****b if I didn't tell. Obviously, I took her offer.

This is my dilemma. After this, I began stealing her cocaine and selling it back to her for sexual favors with the favors becoming more lewd and graphic each time we argue over the disappearance of her drug. Despite her young age, Ilsa is very experienced. So far she's done a**l, oral, allowed me to tie her up, beat her, whip her, piss on her and have sex with her in public. I only plan to make things worse for her. I'm slowly turning her into my sex slave and she willingly obeys.

But a pang of conscience has gotten to me GD. Last night after having sex, she told me she loved me. My illusion was shattered after those short, brief words. I couldn't sleep after that, especially since she had wrapped her arms around me and began cuddling me in my sleep. We talked about it this morning and during her tearful confession, she spoke of how nice I had been to her and how I made her feel "loved." This breaks my heart GD. I thought it wouldn't but I was wrong. I won't admit it to her and I probably never will but, I love her too. I want to treat her like a princess instead of a slave. I want to buy her the world and wrap it up in a bow for her. I want her to live the fairytale life that she deserves. She says that it's okay for me to keep treating her the way I do as long as it doesn't make her feel threatened. She says that as long as I paid attention to her that she'd be happy.

I don't know what to do GD, I feel terrible for doing this. I honestly want to kill myself.

What do I do?

-Yasmin the Light